He knows, deep down, they're only trying to help him. He knows it's their goal to try and make things as okay as they can be right now and to do what they can for them. It doesn't stop Kaz from tensing though, shoulders drawing up towards his ears and his spine straightening.
"If I don't," he says, tones clipped but there's a heaviness to the words as he tries to keep them soft and civil. "I am not certain I can not withdraw."
It's been his coping method since that night he lost his brother. To withdraw. To put up emotional walls. To keep everyone out. He understands what they're trying to do and why. He just isn't sure he can deal with what's happened and stay close to them and not compartmentalize his panic and pain like he is. The fallout if he falls could be more than he is ready to handle.
"I promise you both. I'm doing the best I know how to do, and focusing on you both rather than myself is the best way I know."
It's so much to him to put it all in so many words. But that's the thing. It's what he is willing to do for them, even if maybe it's not handling things the right way. He wants them to know though he's trying.
"Inej is right. We need food, and we need rest." He pauses before adding. "Together."
Another thing he's offering, his hands not nearly as steady as they normally are as he gives them soft touches, tender caresses that are barely there. It's not easy and the strain shows on his face, but he's trying.
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"If I don't," he says, tones clipped but there's a heaviness to the words as he tries to keep them soft and civil. "I am not certain I can not withdraw."
It's been his coping method since that night he lost his brother. To withdraw. To put up emotional walls. To keep everyone out. He understands what they're trying to do and why. He just isn't sure he can deal with what's happened and stay close to them and not compartmentalize his panic and pain like he is. The fallout if he falls could be more than he is ready to handle.
"I promise you both. I'm doing the best I know how to do, and focusing on you both rather than myself is the best way I know."
It's so much to him to put it all in so many words. But that's the thing. It's what he is willing to do for them, even if maybe it's not handling things the right way. He wants them to know though he's trying.
"Inej is right. We need food, and we need rest." He pauses before adding. "Together."
Another thing he's offering, his hands not nearly as steady as they normally are as he gives them soft touches, tender caresses that are barely there. It's not easy and the strain shows on his face, but he's trying.