"I do love your ceaseless optimism. But blood and ashes, I can't risk both our lives on optimism. I won't do that. No matter how much I want to, I'm not that sort of asshole. I won't put you at risk because I'm selfish."

Mat knows he's not a terribly good person. He all too often makes selfish and cruel choices. He knows this. He's the one that makes them. And he's never tried to delude himself that he has good reasons when he doesn't.

But every so often he's faced with choices that really matter. Choices that quite literally have life or death consequences. He'd failed miserably the first time, with the dagger in the cursed city. But he fully believes he'd made the right choice at the Ways. It had been hard, but it had been the right and safe thing. The choice that wouldn't likely put him at risk of killing all of his friends and loved ones.

And here he is again. Why the hell does he keep being stuck in this position? At least this isn't near as dire, in a way. He's not abandoning Jesper to the unknown, he's just delaying moving in with him. More or less.

Still. It hurts and he hates this.

"And no, they can't, because of this. I have it right here, in writing. We're going to be together, Jesper, just...not right this moment."