[ Age is (mostly) just a number, Steve! Also let a girl live, she's got eyes. She can appreciate whenever someone looks good age be damned. ]

Sam's goatee isn't a beard like yours though. [ Her eyes glint mischievously. ] But it could be. And I think that if you kept it, he'd have no choice but to be spurred into a competitive spirit to make sure that his beard looks as brilliant as yours does.

[ Cue some rustling in her bag as she produces a small little cloth bag that clearly states its intent. 'Beard Kit' is written on the front in marker, and a rather cartoonish drawing of Steve (with a beard). If he opens it, it'll have some small samples of beard oil, something for post-shave care, and some trimmers. ]

I even put something together for you to make sure it's kept properly.