open/closed ][ I should not be left to my own devices

[bealufull]

Who: Kaz Brekker & open
When: March
Where: Cadens & Horizon
What: catch all for post event stress, open posts in comments
Warnings: violence, bar fights, the damage of such fights, gambling, likely excessive drinking, talk of body horror, vicious mockery including taunting others about weight and looks





𝐈'𝐦 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥

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[bealufull]

There's a shift in Kaz's expression that would be clear if he flushed, if he didn't turn his head to hide that hint of a blush on his cheeks. "Yes well, I suppose if I hadn't had to walk home I might have been more relaxed... in an intimate way," he admits, flirting back in his own, awkward way.

It's easier to tease and flirt than it is to focus on his hand, on the damage and the things they're talking about. About what had happened and the fights and all of it.

"It makes me feel in control," he points out, something he wouldn't have admitted to many but it's out before he even thinks about it. It's not a calculated admission to show that he's trying. He's just trust. "Right now, I need that."

He's had control over so much of his life, even at the worst of times, and here he doesn't have it. Not in the least. Not in any way shape or form.

That though gets his sharp gaze back on Jesper. He's had these thoughts as well. "Since you taught me to create fire," he says in that low, rough voice, soft though as close as they are to one another. "I never wanted to be Grisha and never regretted not having those skills. Now I want to learn. All of it."

He hasn't admitted this to anyone, not even to himself if he's honest. Not in so many words.

[itookashot]

"That is always the problem with semi-public sex. Very exciting at the time. But then sticky." It obviously doesn't hold Jesper back. He considers their hook up one of his greatest triumphs. It's cute to see Kaz get flustered but he's also flirting back. They have come a long way and he can only see how it'll get better with time.

"Next time I'm going. Even if it's to stand at the back and watch." Jesper can follow him like now, but it would be better if he could be aware and Kaz knew he had someone at his back. He's not against watching Kaz beat the snot out of people. In fact, he found it very appealing. But he worries all the same. Any pain inflicted on Kaz feelings like pain for him too.

"I didn't want to be Grisha either." Jesper's shame over how he was born has long since faded away, and Kaz knows that is how he felt a while back. It is more of a headache. It was such a major (and exhausting) part of his every day life. Being Grisha in their world wasn't fun. Being it here? An entire other experience.

"But it will give you power, Kaz. And control. And the world should be scared of what Kaz Brekker could do with magic in his hands." Jesper is smiling though and he leans in to kiss him very gently. He knows he is allowed these small gestures of affection without asking now, but he doesn't linger.

He has a nice salve that he is using now to soothe the sting of Kaz's knuckles and help with healing, before reaching for the bandages.

[bealufull]

"Perhaps then we need sometime when it's not public."

He's definitely blushing, but there's a fevered heat to his gaze when he looks back at Jesper that reveals how much he feels the need for those things. How much their changing relationship had made an impression on him.

Those changes means listening to those words and knowing how much it means to Jesper, and therefor has to mean to him. "Next time you go with," he says with a nod. "Though not sure I can let someone beat on you."

He imagines it will only enrage him more, and it might take him beyond the blows to something truly dangerous.

His gaze is intent on Jesper then, thinking about it.

"And now? How do you feel about it now knowing how much you can do for others?" How much he's done for Kaz, and all he put himself out recently for them. All of them.

The kiss distracts him from those words, but they don't steal away one thought that he murmurs as the kiss breaks, holding very still despite the sting on his wounds.

"The world should always be afraid of Kaz Brekker," he murmurs, truly meaning that and how he has felt for a very long time. Before this place and now here. "Just so long as you don't."

[itookashot]

"You can seduce me anywhere and any time you want, Kaz."

Jesper is happy to do the seducing, as he has in most situations, but it would be fun for Kaz to be the one reaching out. Especially if he's blushing while doing it, because he thinks the flush in those cheeks is very pretty. He returns that heated gaze with a smirk.

"I can watch." This is what Kaz wants, to get it out of his system. That doesn't mean Jesper has to be in the fight with him, he can do it like he did tonight. In the back, making certain Kaz didn't go too far or no one would hurt him in a way impossible to heal. The truth is that beating on Jesper is much harder these days now that he's in control of his abilities.

Jesper thinks they probably need an ice pack for his bruised face, he could probably get rid of those himself if he was trained, but it's not worth trying untrained. "I feel good about it. I'm glad to not be afraid of myself." Afraid of people trying to use him, they both know that. He was afraid when the soldiers investigated him. But it's all exterior fear now.

"I've never feared you, Kaz." Even when he maybe wanted him to. He gently puts a hand on Kaz's chin but only to tip it up and either side, seeing if there is anything he can do for his face. He wipes at his split lip, as carefully as he can. "Only my feelings for you being rejected." And they would have been before now.