abraxaslogs | Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

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Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

WHO: Istredd and anyone!
WHAT: Catch-all for April
WHERE: Thorne, Horizon
WHEN: EARLY April for now, will put later prompts up as time goes on
WARNINGS: PTSD from the event, NSFW thread in comments

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The reason Istredd is spending so much time in this room has a lot to do with how many wards and protections there are in place. It wouldn't be obvious to anyone without magical ability, but anyone trying to make trouble in there would very quickly regret it. This is the safest place in the castle for him. He is trying to do better about it.

So he does not immediately jump at the knock since it is safe in there, and it's probably someone who knows him checking in. That is proven right when Natasha's head comes into view and he smiles, setting aside the journal and his notes. He is sitting cross-legged on his bed, a common pose especially since it's how he goes into the Horizon.

He gestures and the door open for her so she doesn't have to worry about balancing the tea. Getting back his Chaos has been important and he maybe is overusing it for things. "Please come in, Natasha."

She steps inside when the door opens for her, carrying the tray over to the nightstand beside his bed and setting it down before turning to survey him, hands propped on her hips as she casts him a crooked smile.

"Well. You look a little less like death warmed over today."

She'd seen the state of all of them down in the altar room when Steve had led the infiltration team down to get them out. Even though there hadn't been much time for talking then, she'd kept an eye on him while she worked. Just to make sure.

He shoots Istredd a look like you have to ask? as they pass by the guards and the gates into the castle city. It's early in the day, with many natives out and about on the streets. Some notice the pair and give friendly nods, especially those merchants closest to the gates and most used to seeing Summoned on their way in or out. It's a noticeable shift in mood from when sentiments had been slightly less friendly after the omens...

"My world has nothing like that. Even the normal creatures here are much larger than what I'm used to."

Had he told (lied to) Istredd that he was from Earth? Or just let him assume? He's started to lose those many, many threads he started nearly seven months ago. Unlike Julie, he wouldn't expect Istredd to take any initial falsehoods to heart. The man rooms with a master manipulator.

What he says now, though, is the truth. Basawar's fauna is lesser than what is here in Abraxas, even Nayeshi. The Rifter destroyed the demon armies long, long ago, and the church had destroyed whatever remained. The last demon he'd fought was no bigger than the dog whose skin it wore, even if its teeth were laced with curses.

Back at you, is the murmured thought because he's already dipping into sleep, worn as he is. They've had some nasty arguments before but Lucifer hasn't been this physically wrecked... ever. Nocwich the first time around was only bad because he hadn't known his limits yet. Since, he kept himself in check.

He didn't care this time around. There was work to get done and he was going to do it, anything else be damned.

In a way similar to Istredd, permission for touch has been granted, so he'll allow himself this without any fight.

He ends up half atop, half under Istredd by morning--which isn't that far away. He will not move before noon and he will keep Istredd there if he must. Istredd can go journal in the Horizon if he really needs to be busy.

Let the devil sleep.

But eventually he will begrudgingly wake up. He thinks he had a training session that he skipped. Whoops. Well, it wasn't with Natasha, and even if it was she'd forgive him, what with how hard it's been for them all to slip into old habits again.

The static has currently dwindled down to a very faint background hum. It might rise and spike again throughout the day when he's more conscious, but it is improving.

He thumps his head against Istredd's chest which is very much not his mattress and ah. There's that brief flash of his permanency issues, but it's less than he expected it to be.

Istredd only fully slept the day they all were returned and had healings and required rest. He was in pain and feeling sick and it was not difficult for him to simply pass out. Unconscious meant his mind couldn't torment him. He had good black out sleep for two days at most before his mind took back over. He only slept after that when Lucifer was nearby.

So he does sleep this time and while his mind isn't out, the dreams he has never seem to go dark. Strange, maybe, but he doesn't wake up in fear or struggle with the weight of it. If there was anything to fight, Istredd feels the weight of a person with him, he wouldn't have to be alone. He is curled up with Lucifer and he does wake up before him.

He blearily opens his eyes a few hours before and notes the way he is being octopus-held and smiles to himself. Istredd contently watches him for a little while, amazed that after months of longing, it happened. And he takes so much comfort in small gestures, always. Sharing a bed with Lucifer, not for one night, maybe for most nights? He likes that.

Istredd does not go into the Horizon because he wants to be right here when Lucifer wakes up, so he makes mental notes instead, he can put all of that down later. And he thinks about other things too. Their kids. The people in Thorne who fought so hard to get them back. Kyle, Natasha, Lenore. The other pit people. They're all connected to him now, he went from having almost no one to having friends in the double digits. And Lucifer. He has Lucifer.

Istredd notes when Lucifer seems to be stirring and snaps back to himself, and for a moment he tenses, waiting to see his reaction. He pushes any nerves aside and runs fingers through Lucifer's hair, slowly becoming one of his favorite things to do, as if that gesture almost like petting is soothing to him too.

Hello. He tangles their legs together a little because he can. Still with me?

Istredd feels her the moment she walks in, not because of the ravens as they're not his, but because her mind was the first he truly knew in this land. The library is made of his mind, so it knows her. It was instantaneous connection, the two of them, something that has never truly been replicated, since normally you have to build bonds. They slipped into it like a waterfall. He does assume she'll either find him or the birds will bring her, so he focuses on finishing his thoughts while he can.

He glances up and the wall across from him transforms into an almost exact copy of what was in Sam Wilson's domain with various notes and pieces of information put up. He visited there briefly and saw Natasha, heard from her what they were doing before he disappeared, so he came back. It's not all complete, which is why it was somewhat hidden from view, but she can see it now.

When I get stuck in my own experience, I try to focus on what you all did out here.

This wall has been very helpful for that, because Istredd does have times when getting too much into the memories of the pit gets him twitchy and anxious. He appreciates having multiple points of view. He pauses and then releases any hold he was having on his mind while he focused, letting it flow into her and around her in that familiar friendly warmth.

Istredd smiles at her and reaches out to take her hand, squeezing it gently. He hasn't been having the easiest time and there is something brittle and fragile around the edges of his mind, but there is happiness too, somehow, settled into his core.

Thank you for coming to get us. I recognized your particular kind of magic above.

Mostly he recognized how very loud and fatal it sounded so he knew right away there was only one person who could be slamming with that force. He knew then that they were going to get free.

Still here. Didn't run sometime during the morning. Neither of them did. So that's something. New and tangible and not a bad thing. Maybe it's not a misshapen puzzle piece he's been looking for to get back into Thorne Life. No glue, no paint, no forcing it. Just something else entirely to connect the entire weave together.

It gives Lucifer some thoughts towards his domain, and that draws a small laugh out of him.

He stretches, but still remains tangled. "Finally, some real rest," he admits. He reaches up and knocks his knuckles lightly against Istredd's head. "See, lookit you, useful."

It is extremely domestic at the moment and technically they have been for awhile. Live together, do everything together, be best friends, rarely apart, so it's just a step up from what was already great about them. Because now it's out there. No hiding. Plus he gets to snuggle with Lucifer, ideal situation.

Istredd is smiling in a way that if he does it too long, it's going to start to hurt, it's too wide, he's too happy. He watches Lucifer stretch like a cat and shakes his head, scrunching up his nose when Lucifer taps his head with his knuckles. "That's me, your new useful security blanket."

He reaches up to snatch Lucifer's hand and then threads their fingers together. Holding hands seems perfectly reasonable after sleeping on top of each other.

"For the record, we can't sleep in this late every day. We both missed lessons." Although Istredd had every opportunity to wake Lucifer and try to make that happen, and he obviously didn't. And he's in no rush to leave the bed. In fact he leans closer, nudging Lucifer's shoulder with his head.

"Incredibly so." She says it with ease, neither forced nor false.

There's even a politely meant smile. "Sabine."

She doesn't look around the room yet, focused on only him, though she has found herself curious about all the open places and not in the castle—tracing the lines of this weirdly divergent backward Harry Potter castle with its own Queen of Hearts. The whole place caught up in underlying tensions it is impossible to miss without it sliding into the edges of her awareness at all times.

"I was told you had the keys to a magical library & lessons for those looking for them."

"You're bonded to a rebel, I don't know what to tell you, man." Probably should've thought about that long before now, that's for sure. But Lucifer is grinning. "If I have to be responsible on occasion, you gotta play hooky. That's the balance." That's the bleed over. Honestly there are so many worse ways that Lucifer could be considered a bad influence to Istredd.

Skipping out on a lesson here and there? Ohhhhh, the travesty!

Istredd might have to be very lucky for Lucifer to do something so gauche as hold hands in public, but for the moment he just as easily tugs their connected hands back to him to brush lips over Istredd's turned palm, the first time he's kissed Istredd since his...

Meltdown.

Perfectly Normal Celestial Problems.

His stomach chooses then to make an annoyed reminder that would be the Abnormal Celestial Problems. He suddenly wishes he kept snacks tucked away somewhere in the room like a chipmunk, but honestly he's not sure if the castle would have a mouse problem. "Euuuugh..."

Edited (that's how you get ants) 2023-04-13 06:54 (UTC)

"Well next time we'll go to bed at a reasonable hour and not have an emotional crisis in the middle of the night. No hooky happening from there." They were insanely tired and making decisions like that didn't help. Although it turned out so beautifully that he has zero regrets. He'd stay up another week if that was the price for this. The implication is he plans to do this again, if Lucifer is amendable.

His heart flutters at something so simple as Lucifer kissing his palm. It is unbearably sweet. He won't make him hold hands in public since that isn't his style either. Although he may be rebellious himself and do little things like touch his arm or back in the smallest gestures he can get away with.

Istredd leans in to kiss his forehead gently and briefly nuzzles his nose into Lucifer's hair, breathing him in. At the reminder of hunger though, he too realizes how long it's been. He has mostly been picking at food and not eating it, but today he just might try more.

He holds Lucier against him for a few more seconds before reluctantly sitting up. "I can't let my partner starve. It would look really bad if it happened our first day together." They have been together since the start, but it is slightly different.

"How very optimistic of you considering every time I think I'm done with emotional crises I'm surprised by another one." Which is frankly annoying. It's not like he does this on purpose.

Partner.

He likes the sound of that. They've both already used it and acknowledged it in a different sense but he supposes adding this is really just the natural progression, even if he didn't expect it at the time.

He drags himself up after Istredd as much as it genuinely pains him. "I'll defend you if Thorne still has mushrooms in their meals," he jokes.

Well.

It's mostly a joke.

"You are very dramatic, it's true. Good thing you're involved with someone who likes that about you." Not every single time, but his drama comes from his passion, and Istredd does find passion attractive. The intensity of Lucifer's temperament works well against the quiet of his own.

Istredd laughs and tugs Lucifer off the bed with him, stopping him once they're up. Hands loosely on his hips, keeping him close. "My protector," he says again like last night. This time hopefully leading to better things. He leans in and very gently and simply kisses him. A peck, short and sweet. He doesn't linger because he doesn't want it to be more than it is.

Istredd releases him since the intimate gesture he wanted was made. "Everyone already thinks we're together so just be normal."

Istredd always found his own magic grounded in reality, he knows how it works, where it draws from, the will required. Academic Magic is just knowing spells and copying them with that same energy. The Horizon doesn't make logical sense. it works completely unlike anything he's ever heard of or imagined. He had to accept it simply does what it wants and he rolls with it. He doesn't know if the library is mirroring his abilities, more psychically bonded because of it, or if the Horizon is like this everywhere. Could be anything.

"I'm in my ninth month here now." Istredd wouldn't consider that a long time since he has centuries ahead of him, and he often loses track of time. Being here has forced him to slow down and pay attention to what's happening, and that is why he knows without having to try and estimate. Those nine months have felt long.

"It has almost been two years since the first Summoned came here. Most of them are gone now, but I believe a handful are still around." Geralt for certain, some of the people he knows, he hasn't given him details because it's not his way. "People come and leave in waves."

Those two words are what jarred him most out of his own delusions and there is a quiet recognized thought to it that was previously under static before. That little 'one thing's not like the other' moment of quaking uncertainty.

It's good that it's a short kiss because otherwise they would not get out of here.

Lucifer steps away and heads for the door, rumpled clothing and all. It is his normal. "Whattaya talking about," he says, spreading his arms, "I'm never normal." And to be fair he was a brooding mess eating in the dining hall at odd hours last month, so anything else is a step up.

'long as he's not shouting at Ambrose most of the other Summoned would give him the benefit of the doubt.

He's got some perks on his side.

He twirls and waves a finger in a circle, calling out to the hall, as though anyone was still asleep except for whatever weird raccoon has been shuffling about lately, "Rise and shine, late sleepers, soup's on!" and continues on towards food.

Istredd on the other hand does attempt to be less rumpled, smoothing his hands over his clothing and following. He's been afraid to leave the room lately and now he does it without thinking about it, laughing into his hand instead of rolling his eyes for once.

Today's already a great day.

Istredd is trained polite enough to incline his head back, although he stays fairly close to Kyle just in case. He knows eventually this vigilance will relax, but until then this is how he is getting through it. He is not good with strangers in the first place so it will take time before the icy exterior softens again.

"Mine does, monsters are somewhat common, but I'm uncertain if anything that big exists. I did see a terrifying giant winged creature shortly before coming here, so I suppose it's possible."

He wouldn't really know what Earth was in the first place, outside of that it's a common name for some spheres and their planet. It isn't for him. Even if he caught Kyle in a lie he wouldn't blink twice about it. They all have their reasons, and they were all unknown to one another once. It's only smart to hold some things back. Istredd's intelligent, but he isn't particularly wise, so he had to learn that the hard way.

"I don't know if the creature was what spoke to us from the shrines. It seems that it must be, perhaps it is more intelligent than it looked like from far below. Between that and the very aware giant turtle that saved us, it is probable these beasts have minds of their own."

And he doesn't mean in terms of animals having minds. He means that they may actually think coherently and have the ability to recognize allies and one another. So the shrine creature? Could come back around easily, with more of those whispers. Classic that Istredd would probably rather face that than the acolytes.

Istredd gestures and the door closes, and a chair from the desk across the room skitters forward to be placed nearby if she would feel more comfortable sitting. While he is overusing Chaos, these have always been unconscious movements for him. Little ways in which magic is a part of his life.

"I was wasting away from an infection on the turtle, which would have been an interesting resting place. But I live to bore people in the classroom again." He does look generally much better, having looked near pale to death when they got out of there, having bled quite a lot and the infection in question. He smiles at her, tilting his head.

"Your friend Steve, he very heroically carried me from the pit to the altar room after the escape." Istredd can have a sense of humor about it. He and Steve grew quite close during that experience, having had to lean on one another from the very first day.

The small gesture is enough. Louis is a hugger in situations that deem close relationships. He's not presumptuous, and he knows how to read people. They've only begun to form a relationship of sorts and he'd like to continue to know Istredd. The pat is enough. He gives Istredd a nod, and returns the pat with one of his own, but he extends his fingers enough to give the man a slight and quick squeeze on the shoulder before he moves to the other side where he can see the notes further. It's reassurance they truly are there, even if the Horizon is still a place he has yet to understand.

"I'll be honest. It's a bit strange to be in a tower again. Back home I made my coffin a tower. It was my home for decades." There's slight reminiscence, as if it is a feverish dream. The pit experience had only made it further away, but he can't forget it. Had he made the tower his home or had it been Armand? Louis, who has notoriously built homes in companions. He lets go of the distraction, of the pondering that has come to him fiercely as of late, of what he wishes to not acknowledge. It brings him back to realizing it's the gathering Castiel had been talking about.

Louis tries to tune out the network when he can, but he caught enough. If there is a flicker of somber, it can be tracked as the pit's influence. It transforms into an honest smile, one that truly indicates he is glad to see what he hopes is a new friend.

"I'd like a tour some time. Don't sell yourself short. Some of us can endure more than we realize. I did come for you, even if we were told you're recording our time in the pit. Will it be you who does the recording? I don't know how all of this works."

He prefers it if it's Istredd. He'd carefully crafted and cleared decades to decide when Daniel was going to be ready. He's not about to give up pieces that the pit pulled out of him, but he understands he was also one of the few that were succumbing. It's odd to consider the majority were rejecting and so few were pushed further, so much that he helped release a shrine monster.

Knowing what he does about Geralt, and that they come from the same place, that tracks.

"I wouldn't be surprised," he replies, meaning its intelligence. "Given the kind of transformations you all were describing..."

Who's to say there isn't something that was once human about the beast? The shrine one, not the turtle, anyway. But he lets his words peter off as they continue walking, moving through the relatively sparse crowd. It's not exactly the best place to speak these theories, unless Istredd has the energy to make a bubble around them.

"How is your roommate doing?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. Sometimes it's easier to ask indirectly how someone is doing.

He'd heard that some of the Summoned had been around for years, but it's still incredibly strange to try to conceptualize that. Two years is an incredibly long time to Jayden, and even the nine months Istredd's been in this world feels like an eternity, especially considering the events of the last... Has it been almost two months?

It feels impossible that it's been that long, but at the same time, it seems like it had to have been longer. Just one more thing that won't reconcile, and he doesn't want to think about any of it, so he focuses instead on the last part of what Istredd said.

"How's that work? People leaving." He'd heard it happens, but nothing more than that.

"It's pretty astonishing none of us did break, if you think about it."

Istredd knows about people who try to be strong. He does too for different reasons. Most of them are broken in a way, mentally if not physically, but it's not the same as a true break from reality. They survived something terrible. And he knows without question that he would have, if it wasn't for everyone else there sharing it. Being absolutely alone would have destroyed him in just a few days.

Rooibos makes a little squawk noise at her and nuzzles at her hair, as if grooming her. He is very friendly, as Istredd said. He's the only one that has settled into the new pets in the tower, the leosylphs who are napping high up at the moment.

Much like her one of the hardest things for him was lacking all the things he was used to having. His Chaos magic is a huge part of himself, it is always flowing through his veins like now, a born ability. Istredd can tell she's struggling but he leaves it be. They are new to each other despite experiencing something rough. There's time now to change that.

"Yes, Istredd. Everyone back and healed from the rituals effects, the sap seems to have done its work." Ikorr's sap that was used for the cure. "I think it'll be awhile before anyone is actually well though. A lot of sleepless nights going on. How about the Free Cities?"

"A pleasure to meet you, Sabine. Under the circumstances." He inclines his head back to her with his own polite smile.

That last part always has to be added considering they're kidnapped and trapped in a castle. But Istredd's experience recently is that they're all in it together, and the Thorne Summoned have come together a great deal in the past few months. Closer than ever before, from what he's told.

"Yes, my Horizon domain is a public library full of books. When you're there, you can fill in the books with your own memories and share them. Some of us are better at memorizing than others."

By some of us, he means specifically him, but he has seen a few do very well at it. Michael for example, although he's an archangel, so he should be good at it. Istredd's memorization of Academic Magic books has proven itself very useful. That level of magic is not typically taught in the other factions. Free Cities being on the anti-magic side and Solvunn god-based.

"Have you gone into the Horizon yet? The first time is complicated, but it becomes easy after that." Istredd is usually the one that offers to walk new people through it. He feels a little guilty for a moment that he didn't offer this time around.

"I know Castiel is hoping to get more answers about that creature and where it came from." Meaning what it was, what god it represented, etc. Istredd has no idea what, although he knows others are on top of it. Castiel got in touch with people from Solvunn, side-stepping his own brother Michael to do it. It's best not to get involved with the angels and their nonsense, in his experience.

Speaking of.

Istredd pauses at the question because it has a complicated answer. And also because he's trying not to smile like the besotted idiot he's become since they became official. Something they haven't necessarily said since everyone already assumed they were a couple. "Better. I finally got him to sleep and eat. He hates having to do any human-adjacent things." He can last without them longer, but it's unhealthy for him.

Istredd glances over to him, considering. "Is there something you're concerned about?"

"Is it still a coffin if you're within it making a home?" A coffin seems like a pretty solid way of not being alive anymore. Istredd is new to the concept of vampires, he only knows bare basics. They know very little about Ikorr's vampires as well, if they're even slightly the same as Lenore and Louis.

"This tower is called Tor Lara, or the Tower of the Gull. It's where I was raised, the center of mages in my sphere." Istredd could have made the air outside it as filled with lightning as it could be in real life, but he chose to have it always be day instead. He wanted this to be a calming place, not a stressful one. "The library is all unique though." The tower is full of classrooms and meeting halls and small libraries of its own, but nothing like this.

Istredd doesn't consciously remember all of designing this. It used to be a monolith outside. He does know that he wanted a library and one that was easy to use or for others to experience, and some things just started to happen. A psionic on a psychic plane designing a space like this lent itself naturally.

"I am mostly letting people do as they wish, whatever is easiest. Here, let me show you something." He picks up a book and gestures for Louis to come up one of the winding staircases, surrounded by books even as they go. Some titles are visible, many of them about magic, and others are blank. He leads Louis down a hall to a door and gestures for him to touch the handle.

"I want you to picture your ideal room for reading. It could be one you know, or one you'd imagine, but put it in your mind's eye, and then open the door."

If done properly, when Louis opens the door, the space that he opens into will perfectly replicate the room in his mind. Down to the details he remembers, even subconsciously.

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Page 5 of 18

Reality doesn’t always give us the life that we desire

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gonna time this for after lucifer so she can find out ;)

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and fini (AGHHHHHH)

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sorry for the wait, bad week RIP

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