Istredd has never been that great about sleep. His mind works too much, he's gone decades with a few hours here and there a night, and he's sustained by Chaos, but he did always rest when he wanted to. The freedom and safety of being isolated but never in any actual danger. His almost charmed life before here, in comparison.
He didn't sleep much at all for the entire month either. Every time he did, something happened. Vines tried to strangle him. People were taken away to the rituals. They tried to kill one another. Shrines were opened or monsters were fought. He wasn't able to focus enough to go into the Horizon, sleep eluded all of them, the place was designed to constantly distract.
When they first got to Nocwich though, everyone was too tired to worry about it. Between the healing and drugs and recovery, it was easy to slip into deep unconsciousness and not worry about it. It changes when they get to Thorne. The dreams really begin. Istredd keeps finding himself back there, thinking being rescued was the actual dream. His nightmares include everyone being dead there but him, delusionally imagining being back in their room to cope with the tragedy.
Or the vines are climbing on him, or Ciri's back on top of him, a blade to his throat, saying she knows what he did. It doesn't matter, the point is, his body needs to sleep more than ever before, and his mind simply won't let him. As he keeps snapping awake in his bed, the darkness of the room reminding him of the darkness in there, he feels so far away. The comfort of the mattress and the blankets and the pillows aren't enough.
He does consider hiding in the library with a pile of books, thinking that might help him, but Istredd is afraid of going outside the room at all. Too many dark corridors. Too many ways to get lost or snatched again. He wouldn't say he actually thinks through this decision at all. He considers first moving his bed all the way over so that it is next to Lucifer's, feeling the closeness will help, but he is ashamed of what that would make his friend think. That he can't handle it, that he's coming too close?
It's not rational but this seems like the only reasonable medium ground, which is that he takes his blanket and pillow and crawls underneath Lucifer's bed. It is also dark and small there, true, but that means he feels very surrounded by physical reminders of not being loose in the pit. And his mental connection to Lucifer is strong with how close they are. It lulls him almost immediately into feeling safe enough to sleep. It's not restful but it is sleep.
What he does not expect or even think about is the other end of this because he had hoped he would be able to sneak back into his bed before Lucifer knew. Instead, Istredd is asleep, not that deeply but just enough, when panic floods through his mind and then his body and it's not the creeping terror of his experience, it's someone else's fear. He can't help it though, he jerks up, and then their bond isn't just panic. It's pain.
Because he slammed his head against the underside of Lucifer's bed enough to see stars for a moment. "Fuck!" he shouts, a little muffled, from underneath.
never heard this song and I love it
He didn't sleep much at all for the entire month either. Every time he did, something happened. Vines tried to strangle him. People were taken away to the rituals. They tried to kill one another. Shrines were opened or monsters were fought. He wasn't able to focus enough to go into the Horizon, sleep eluded all of them, the place was designed to constantly distract.
When they first got to Nocwich though, everyone was too tired to worry about it. Between the healing and drugs and recovery, it was easy to slip into deep unconsciousness and not worry about it. It changes when they get to Thorne. The dreams really begin. Istredd keeps finding himself back there, thinking being rescued was the actual dream. His nightmares include everyone being dead there but him, delusionally imagining being back in their room to cope with the tragedy.
Or the vines are climbing on him, or Ciri's back on top of him, a blade to his throat, saying she knows what he did. It doesn't matter, the point is, his body needs to sleep more than ever before, and his mind simply won't let him. As he keeps snapping awake in his bed, the darkness of the room reminding him of the darkness in there, he feels so far away. The comfort of the mattress and the blankets and the pillows aren't enough.
He does consider hiding in the library with a pile of books, thinking that might help him, but Istredd is afraid of going outside the room at all. Too many dark corridors. Too many ways to get lost or snatched again. He wouldn't say he actually thinks through this decision at all. He considers first moving his bed all the way over so that it is next to Lucifer's, feeling the closeness will help, but he is ashamed of what that would make his friend think. That he can't handle it, that he's coming too close?
It's not rational but this seems like the only reasonable medium ground, which is that he takes his blanket and pillow and crawls underneath Lucifer's bed. It is also dark and small there, true, but that means he feels very surrounded by physical reminders of not being loose in the pit. And his mental connection to Lucifer is strong with how close they are. It lulls him almost immediately into feeling safe enough to sleep. It's not restful but it is sleep.
What he does not expect or even think about is the other end of this because he had hoped he would be able to sneak back into his bed before Lucifer knew. Instead, Istredd is asleep, not that deeply but just enough, when panic floods through his mind and then his body and it's not the creeping terror of his experience, it's someone else's fear. He can't help it though, he jerks up, and then their bond isn't just panic. It's pain.
Because he slammed his head against the underside of Lucifer's bed enough to see stars for a moment. "Fuck!" he shouts, a little muffled, from underneath.