Istredd sees some value in himself, he doesn't hate himself, it's more that other people always feel more important. His life compared to the kids? His life compared to Cirilla or Geralt? His life compared to the heroic Steve Rogers or Castiel? Not an even trade. It's foolish and something he knows he should work on. He wants to live but he has to stop comparing importance.

He doesn't respond right away to the apology although he does keep caressing his hair until he starts to move. Istredd lets him pull and follows without argument. When he's tugged down he does something very forward and simply climbs onto him, wanting to be as close as possible like usual. His legs pressed on other side of Lucifer on the bed, fully pressed up. But it is no more tangled than when they sleep together every night.

He cups Lucifer's hand with his face and keeps looking straight into his eyes, like he can't seem to stop or break eye contact. "It was painful," he admits. "That you were avoiding me. I would curl up in your domain with the snake and miss you. But I'm glad you talked to me the whole time too."

Even if it was reluctantly and with not the best farewell line, he did try to keep Istredd from feeling alone. He listened to him despite it being scary for him. I'm alive, Lucifer. I made it. I'm here with you. You didn't lose me.