Istredd's confused at him moving and then he does indeed manage to knock the wind out of him. Always surprising, his partner. "Lucifer." He scrunches his nose up at him but he secretly loves it. Not so secretly, since Lucifer can feel that he appreciates the physicality of it, it's continued reassurance.
This is the equivalent of spray bottle technique he uses mentally, only physically, and it's successful. He sighs and looks up at him, feeling very vulnerable but all the more reason for Lucifer to not let him pull back.
"Yennefer and I most of the time are friends and allies who trust one another and rely on each other to have our backs. Sometimes she gets the itch for me and it's more than that. It's important for her to feel like I'm here if she needs me." That could arguably be non-sexual, but the way they are, it is inevitably sexual sometimes. Not all the time. "I don't want to lose you, Lucifer. Or for you to feel like a placeholder or secondary or anything like that. But I also can't abandon her."
Yennefer did warn him that if he couldn't handle her existence then he shouldn't bother, but Istredd himself was avoiding putting that point out there, because of his fear. Losing Lucifer at this juncture would be devastating, but he would understand. In a way, it is making a choice, and he knows that for Lucifer who never feels like he's the choice, it could be painful. He can't tell him all of the reasons he and Yennefer need to be a team, that he made a vow to make up for what he did before, to be her port in a storm.
"It wouldn't be right for me to say all that and then say I'm jealous of anyone touching you." But it is absolutely what his heart is saying. He doesn't want anyone to touch Lucifer. He feels guilty now, deeply so, and apologetic. "I'm so insanely in love with you, I can't see straight. I can't be reasonable, I'm sorry."
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This is the equivalent of spray bottle technique he uses mentally, only physically, and it's successful. He sighs and looks up at him, feeling very vulnerable but all the more reason for Lucifer to not let him pull back.
"Yennefer and I most of the time are friends and allies who trust one another and rely on each other to have our backs. Sometimes she gets the itch for me and it's more than that. It's important for her to feel like I'm here if she needs me." That could arguably be non-sexual, but the way they are, it is inevitably sexual sometimes. Not all the time. "I don't want to lose you, Lucifer. Or for you to feel like a placeholder or secondary or anything like that. But I also can't abandon her."
Yennefer did warn him that if he couldn't handle her existence then he shouldn't bother, but Istredd himself was avoiding putting that point out there, because of his fear. Losing Lucifer at this juncture would be devastating, but he would understand. In a way, it is making a choice, and he knows that for Lucifer who never feels like he's the choice, it could be painful. He can't tell him all of the reasons he and Yennefer need to be a team, that he made a vow to make up for what he did before, to be her port in a storm.
"It wouldn't be right for me to say all that and then say I'm jealous of anyone touching you." But it is absolutely what his heart is saying. He doesn't want anyone to touch Lucifer. He feels guilty now, deeply so, and apologetic. "I'm so insanely in love with you, I can't see straight. I can't be reasonable, I'm sorry."