"Believe me, I know. Every eight years or so I'd try to get something going with a more reasonable match, and it didn't work out because it never came with this intensity." The insanity of real love, the kind that has to kick the feet out from under you to even happen. Lucifer hit his blind spot full force and Istredd was helpless to resist him. Istredd had other lovers in the past, obviously, it wasn't only Yennefer, but they were always doomed. He couldn't make himself love anyone.

Istredd's breath was held through all of Lucifer's quiet contemplation, because he knew in a way it was going to be the deciding factor. They haven't straight-forwardly discussed this, which means that Lucifer has to actually consider whether this is something he can handle. He releases that breath when he talks again, all the tension in him strained and then hesitantly relaxing.

"You weren't looking for me," he points out. Lucifer could feel differently. Istredd's opened that door for him. Istredd reaches up to cup his face. He can't imagine that he will be the only person who will love Lucifer. It's already strange to him that he is. But so few people know him as he does. "I want you to be happy. I'd do anything to make you happy." He is burning with sincerity about that at least. Istredd drops his hands to his shoulders, to his arms, to his hips.

"It's still new, that's all. Very new. I never thought this would happen so I wasn't prepared. And I'm sorry I kept this secret so long." Istredd smiles faintly. "You deserved to know someone loved you even if it felt a little pathetic on my end."