It's mostly that Istredd doesn't have an answer he can give him that he feels is fully satisfying. Not something concrete that someone like him would prefer. Geralt is grounded and realistic. Istredd was accused of having a romantic notion of the world once upon a time, and while it's not entirely true, it's not untrue either. He sees this new sphere as something bright and brilliant and fascinating. It's brought him to life again in many ways, given him new relationships, and what feels like a purpose of some kind for the first time.
There is a pause before Istredd sighs and rubs at his chin, thinking, before he finally looks back at Geralt after nodding to himself. There is a noticeable difference, like he's been holding himself back behind a quiet exterior like always, and some of that wall is coming down. "I'm not being entirely forthcoming," he admits. "I feel the same way. I don't want to leave here." Their sphere is cruel and unyielding. He has nothing but his books to go back to, and a mistake he can't take back. He's found community and love and importance here.
"I promised myself I'd find a way to keep those of us who want to be here. I have people I care for who ... can't go back." Either because they're dead or they have such a miserable existence back there that all it will do is cause them pain. How could he accept a world in which he wakes up and Lucifer's gone? Or Wanda? Or Yenna, when they've finally found peace here? Where there is happiness possible.
"I've kept it to myself because I really don't know how to do it. I'm coming up empty. I'm trying to learn all that I can, hoping that knowledge will lead us somewhere." Which is why he'd be thinking of doing desperate things like learning High Magic or poking at gods just at a chance of peeking behind a curtain to understanding. "We are compromised as long as we're living in ignorance."
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There is a pause before Istredd sighs and rubs at his chin, thinking, before he finally looks back at Geralt after nodding to himself. There is a noticeable difference, like he's been holding himself back behind a quiet exterior like always, and some of that wall is coming down. "I'm not being entirely forthcoming," he admits. "I feel the same way. I don't want to leave here." Their sphere is cruel and unyielding. He has nothing but his books to go back to, and a mistake he can't take back. He's found community and love and importance here.
"I promised myself I'd find a way to keep those of us who want to be here. I have people I care for who ... can't go back." Either because they're dead or they have such a miserable existence back there that all it will do is cause them pain. How could he accept a world in which he wakes up and Lucifer's gone? Or Wanda? Or Yenna, when they've finally found peace here? Where there is happiness possible.
"I've kept it to myself because I really don't know how to do it. I'm coming up empty. I'm trying to learn all that I can, hoping that knowledge will lead us somewhere." Which is why he'd be thinking of doing desperate things like learning High Magic or poking at gods just at a chance of peeking behind a curtain to understanding. "We are compromised as long as we're living in ignorance."