[ Jo echoes what Castiel’s always known, and the reminder, hearing it spoken into reality, does supply some measure of assurance. Dean wouldn’t be so malicious, not as himself. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a kernel of truth to inspire it.
Not that it matters. Not that Dean’s response to Castiel’s hypothetical feelings for him would ever come into play. Even if the emotion is there, he cannot, will not, put his mission to protect and support dean into jeopardy for something so trivial. Not with the world at risk, not with all they fight for and all Dean’s been through, the peaceful, normal life he knows Dean’s always longed for. Dean wasn’t meant for him, not like that. A million reasons could apply.
The truth about what might lay in his heart changes nothing about how he’ll behave with Dean in the future, Cas is determined. ]
Dean can despise me before I’ll abandon him to this.
[ or anything else, barring an abandonment for his protection, like in purgatory. He shakes his head, appears on the verge of explaining, but the words aren’t there. His head feels like a roaring wind tunnel, so much going on and nothing he can pinpoint with certainty. It won’t work like this. ]
I need to show you something.
[ Cas pulls at Jo’s hand, fingers still woven together, and lies back against the cushions, preparing to slip into the horizon once more. The tub at her arm signals a request she come with him.
On the other side, they’re stood face to face in the serene quiet of the botanical gardens in Castiel’s domain. Wind rustles the bushes, flowers and insects flit about oblivious to their issues. Cas raises his hand, two fingers outstretched to Jo’s forehead, and he halts, hesitant, before touching. ]
You need to see it.
[ to get the full picture of what Dean is now, perhaps. To experience what happened, what shook him so thoroughly, how it uprooted his understanding of the most basic and core principles of his beliefs, family, purpose. The moment he realized Dean is somehow the linchpin holding it all together. Cas breathes out a slow, shuttered sigh, making certain this is something he wants to share with jo, something he even should burden her with. If he can even stand another soul with a front row seat to his deepest humiliation. He’s not sure. He can’t be sure.
He swallows thickly, and meets her eyes with sympathy and sorrow, before tapping her forehead. ]
I’m sorry.
[ jo finds herself rushed through the archives of Castiel’s mind, depositing her behind his eyes in Kyle’s domain, to spectate as the scene plays out. ]
no subject
Not that it matters. Not that Dean’s response to Castiel’s hypothetical feelings for him would ever come into play. Even if the emotion is there, he cannot, will not, put his mission to protect and support dean into jeopardy for something so trivial. Not with the world at risk, not with all they fight for and all Dean’s been through, the peaceful, normal life he knows Dean’s always longed for. Dean wasn’t meant for him, not like that. A million reasons could apply.
The truth about what might lay in his heart changes nothing about how he’ll behave with Dean in the future, Cas is determined. ]
Dean can despise me before I’ll abandon him to this.
[ or anything else, barring an abandonment for his protection, like in purgatory. He shakes his head, appears on the verge of explaining, but the words aren’t there. His head feels like a roaring wind tunnel, so much going on and nothing he can pinpoint with certainty. It won’t work like this. ]
I need to show you something.
[ Cas pulls at Jo’s hand, fingers still woven together, and lies back against the cushions, preparing to slip into the horizon once more. The tub at her arm signals a request she come with him.
On the other side, they’re stood face to face in the serene quiet of the botanical gardens in Castiel’s domain. Wind rustles the bushes, flowers and insects flit about oblivious to their issues. Cas raises his hand, two fingers outstretched to Jo’s forehead, and he halts, hesitant, before touching. ]
You need to see it.
[ to get the full picture of what Dean is now, perhaps. To experience what happened, what shook him so thoroughly, how it uprooted his understanding of the most basic and core principles of his beliefs, family, purpose. The moment he realized Dean is somehow the linchpin holding it all together. Cas breathes out a slow, shuttered sigh, making certain this is something he wants to share with jo, something he even should burden her with. If he can even stand another soul with a front row seat to his deepest humiliation. He’s not sure. He can’t be sure.
He swallows thickly, and meets her eyes with sympathy and sorrow, before tapping her forehead. ]
I’m sorry.
[ jo finds herself rushed through the archives of Castiel’s mind, depositing her behind his eyes in Kyle’s domain, to spectate as the scene plays out. ]