"That would have been the most stupid thing ever."
Is he calling out Lucifer? Nope. He has no idea.
"I don't care about her political clout... no, I do. I know she used her influence to help start Thorne's part of rescue operation. I don't want to sound like a complete ingrate, but ... it's not that. It's that... well, she is a bit scary."
A lot. From the impression he got when Mat talks about her. A whole damned lot.
Kell simultaneously shifts away and leans into Istredd's gesture. He's not a child, but also it feels nice. Habit warns him to move away. Affection was never genuine, nor it was ever free. With Istredd, he knows it's different. But he has year of experience to fight with. It will take time.
"I never sucked up to anyone, so no danger here."
Kell's shoulders slump. That's the thing. He was always the best by virtue of being born an Antari. It helped that he liked it. But he really didn't have to push as much as he did. He could beat all other apprentices with is eyes closed. Without trying. He grew pretty arrogant on that.
Then he met Holland... who completely obliterated his own sense of genius. It doesn't help that, many years later, Kell was able to defeat him. He wasn't alone, and he had cursed magic at his fingertips. So the doubts, the first cracks, remain.
Kell doesn't voice any of those doubts. Not because he doesn't trust Istredd. Quite the opposite. It just feels saying them out loud could make them actually true.
"I've been told I'm a good student," he says instead. "Supposedly to the point of obsession."
And yet he struggles with mid-level spells of not especially complicated branch of magic. Kell feels confident in his own magic. It's the learning part that stresses him out. What if all this genius talk was just a lot of air? What if he cannot learn anything he wasn't born with?
"I've been also told I'm a genius."
Kell doesn't remember, or rather he doesn't consider it important, to mention that outside of magic, he blazed through any topic he was given. Not great at foreign languages, that required too much human interaction to be better, but anything else? He tore through it all. To the point that Rhy complain it's unfair he's good at everything.
no subject
"That would have been the most stupid thing ever."
Is he calling out Lucifer? Nope. He has no idea.
"I don't care about her political clout... no, I do. I know she used her influence to help start Thorne's part of rescue operation. I don't want to sound like a complete ingrate, but ... it's not that. It's that... well, she is a bit scary."
A lot. From the impression he got when Mat talks about her. A whole damned lot.
Kell simultaneously shifts away and leans into Istredd's gesture. He's not a child, but also it feels nice. Habit warns him to move away. Affection was never genuine, nor it was ever free. With Istredd, he knows it's different. But he has year of experience to fight with. It will take time.
"I never sucked up to anyone, so no danger here."
Kell's shoulders slump. That's the thing. He was always the best by virtue of being born an Antari. It helped that he liked it. But he really didn't have to push as much as he did. He could beat all other apprentices with is eyes closed. Without trying. He grew pretty arrogant on that.
Then he met Holland... who completely obliterated his own sense of genius. It doesn't help that, many years later, Kell was able to defeat him. He wasn't alone, and he had cursed magic at his fingertips. So the doubts, the first cracks, remain.
Kell doesn't voice any of those doubts. Not because he doesn't trust Istredd. Quite the opposite. It just feels saying them out loud could make them actually true.
"I've been told I'm a good student," he says instead. "Supposedly to the point of obsession."
And yet he struggles with mid-level spells of not especially complicated branch of magic. Kell feels confident in his own magic. It's the learning part that stresses him out. What if all this genius talk was just a lot of air? What if he cannot learn anything he wasn't born with?
"I've been also told I'm a genius."
Kell doesn't remember, or rather he doesn't consider it important, to mention that outside of magic, he blazed through any topic he was given. Not great at foreign languages, that required too much human interaction to be better, but anything else? He tore through it all. To the point that Rhy complain it's unfair he's good at everything.