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abraxaslogs2021-08-28 09:45 pm
abraxasmods) wrote in abraxaslogs2021-08-28 09:45 pm
WELCOME TO SOLVUNN!
WELCOME TO SOLVUNN!
Welcome to Solvunn! Bright suns and merriest of welcomes to you! The portal opens in a vast field on the western side of town surrounded by cattle, with a distant view of the bustling marketplace. The first impression of the settlement is one of idylic, country charm. There are no looming structures or crowded streets. Instead, there are cozier houses on wide streets and community buildings made of stone and wood. A gentle breeze rolls across the field and the sun is high in the sky.
There's not as much magic here as in other locations, but it's there. No one will be stopped from entering Solvunn, though suspicion will be cast upon new arrivals. Citizens will be friendly and welcoming, but curious about their new visitors. It isn't often that they welcome new folks- especially not so many at once!
With tensions between the other communities, Solvunn will not be keen on ratting out those who fled Thorne, but with the knowledge that sanctuary will not be given for free. Everyone does their part, whatever that part may be.
Asking questions will result in being told to find Rowan March, one of the council members, somewhere in the marketplace.
There's not as much magic here as in other locations, but it's there. No one will be stopped from entering Solvunn, though suspicion will be cast upon new arrivals. Citizens will be friendly and welcoming, but curious about their new visitors. It isn't often that they welcome new folks- especially not so many at once!
With tensions between the other communities, Solvunn will not be keen on ratting out those who fled Thorne, but with the knowledge that sanctuary will not be given for free. Everyone does their part, whatever that part may be.
Asking questions will result in being told to find Rowan March, one of the council members, somewhere in the marketplace.
no subject
[ His chin gives a few small bobs. Pretty girls did still go along with him afterward, because they had the notion that if they didn't, he'd do something similar to them.
There is a viciousness in his stare. One that says, he isn't courting or giving gifts to these lovely women; he's forcing them to decide what they cherish more -- their bodies or their lives.
It lasts just for a few seconds before his expression shifts back to tired and self-pitying. ]
I never ask them, though. [ Nero carries on. ] They make the decision for themselves.
[ Because if they cherished their bodies and dignity more, he would accept that answer. Much like how he isn't chasing after the pretty girls in the bar; he would always let them go. It's just that they don't realize that about him; they have to take a chance and they have to believe nothing will happen afterward.
In a way, that speaks a lot about Solvunn. To Nero, it's a backwards little country that kneels and sucks Gods off at the ready, but its people take the chance on everyone without fear, without hesitation. It says a lot about their inner strength and confidence in the world they live in.
And that is something it has over Thorne, at least. ]
That's probably why I feel so out of place here. This place is safe.
[ It holds all its people close and loving. Even if the Gods won't love them, won't save them, won't protect them; Solvunn itself will. ]
It'll take a few centuries for that all to fall apart. [ But it will. It always does. ]
Anyway, how did the clothes do for you? [ And just like that, the conversation shifts. He smiles; it's a smile that says he's happy to be honest with the man not because he considers them friends -- not yet -- but because he hates deceiving people. ]
no subject
Which. Amos knows how to deal with people like that: you take them out. There isn't even anybody here to tell him no, except for, apparently, himself.
Because he wants to fit in here. A commune is a good idea. Something so novel for him, it might as well be fantasy, but damn, it's something he wants to be a part of. Wants to make it work.
Is pretty sure he can't, that doubt taking just a little more hold with each passing day, but he wants this so bad.
... And then Nero drops that little tidbit about not fitting in because it's safe and. Fuck. Yeah. It is. And it will fall apart, because safety isn't real, isn't long-lasting. And he doesn't want it to fall apart, but... yeah.
So Nero is dangerous, and he probably needs to be taken out, and he feels out of place because Solvunn is safe, and he and Amos have all of that in common, and absolutely none of this is ideal.
Amos blinks at the sudden change of topic, the new... not friendly, but not-not friendly, smile. The deadness in his eyes dissipates, replaced by a mild surprise. He inhales, takes a drink from his glass. Sets it back down on the table and exhales.
There's a lot in his exhalation. ]
They're alright. [ Which, actually, is a pretty good review. His voice is just a little flat. Still coming to terms with all of that. ] Better than the prison shit. Better than the stuff here, too, [ including what he's got on now, ] but you know. Not as practical.
[ Probably better suited for a fancy occasion — oh, was that the joke — which there aren't many of here. And not like he wants to wear something that nice while doing manual labour. So, you know. They're good, but limited.
Amos takes a moment. He isn't totally sure what he wants to say, but when he does it comes out smaller than he'd intended, like he wants to convince himself and isn't sure he can. ]
Safe isn't so bad.
[ Not that he has any experience in that department. How much better would life have turned out for him if he'd grown up somewhere like this? Probably significantly so but. You know. It didn't work out that way. Best he can do is... hope it does for others. ]
no subject
The stranger comprehends exactly what Nero is, and that means that he has encountered a creature like him before. He watches as the thoughts drift in front of the man's face; he watches as he see him contemplate killing him for the betterment and safety of others.
He watches and only keeps his warm, understanding smile. His gaze doesn't ask him to do it; he doesn't goad him to murder, but merely is pleased to be seen.
This person is a good man. Nero closes his eyes. It would be easy to grab a sharp -- or even dull -- tavern utensil to dig into his throat. The elf doesn't seem like he is going to move; yet he is not waiting to be killed. He is waiting to see what will be done; like a half-mad beast waiting, waiting, waiting.
But then, the mood between them shifts.
And the silence, the waiting, the wondering, the preparing; it all ends.
That's your answer, huh? He opens his eyes and nods; he accepts that response and does not think less of him. But when the shit hits the fan, how much will you blame yourself for not trying to kill me now?
The smile returns to the clownishly wide one. ]
Oh, I know, right? You can't do anything in it. The best sort of thing that'll be good for going out to those brothels that you were talking about. It'll make those girls think that you have some real coin on you. [ And the conversation moves on, like the two of them did not have a moment. Nero wags his finger at the man, laughing with his eyes and mouth. ]
You could probably get some high-scale girls. Or are you just the type that goes for what's available? At least treat yourself sometime, huh?
[ His chin bobs a few times; quick, eager, and happy nods. ]
Hm?
[ He blinks. ]
Safe isn't, no. It just makes people a little dull. The Solvunn might have their suspicious about us, but because we haven't done anything... we'll be treated well. [ That, too, is what safety brings. A naive nature to strangers and willing to wait to see what happens rather than root out trouble. ]
I think that's very sweet of them. But you can feel it, can't you? [ He cranes his neck up. ] That war is coming.
[ Is that true? Who knows? Nero just always believes the worst is just around the corner, and he is excited to see it! He's excited to see the look of horror and despair on everyone face. All their praying, all their worship, all their kindness, it did not save them from anything. ]
They're safe, but they aren't safe. You get that, right?
no subject
(He'll probably blame himself a whole lot, down the line, if it comes up. Might become a lesson to lean into those instincts he tries to suppress. The longer he's here on his own, the more he's going to have to listen to himself, do what comes naturally to him.
... He's not there yet. Really hopes he doesn't get there. But it's probably inevitable, isn't it.)
Pretty sure he fucking hates that smile. His stare is flat. Amos isn't one for dancing around something like this, but that's where they are now, huh. He wants to be a better person, all on his own? Time to dance around the issue. Let it breathe. ]
Don't really dress up for things. Not that. It's not... [ Of all people, this is who he's talking about sex with? Really? ] Someone'll be the right person, in the moment. That's all.
[ Class or quality of people shouldn't even be a factor. What is he doing, engaging with this. ]
Fabric feels nice, at least.
[ Why is he trying to reach out with an olive branch.
The topic of safety is almost better. Or maybe worse, considering the way Nero just cuts right through everything. He hasn't done anything, so he'll be treated well. Being safe without being safe. All of it.
Amos needs another drink, so he takes one. So long as they aren't going to actually get into a fight here and now. He swallows, thick, like there's something creeping up in his throat he can't dislodge. ]
Dull shouldn't be so bad, either. [ It shouldn't. You can live in ignorant bliss? Good for you. Take it and hold onto it if you can; not everyone gets that chance. ] There are worse ways to live. That guy — [ Oliver — ] said this place is neutral. So they can sidestep the war. Stay safe.
[ Even when they aren't actually safe. Because yeah, he gets it; safety is so easy to break, shatter, never really have. And once you've lost it, you never really get it back. Everything that's coming out of Amos' mouth is wishful thinking, and he knows it; so badly wants for this to work out that he'll indulge in it.
So he's just delaying the inevitable. Amos eyes Nero. Dangerous as he is, he's also right. Which probably makes things that much worse. ]
The people here should get to hold onto that as long as they can.
[ Shit, maybe he can help them. And... that's the only way to feel like part of something here. Fighting to protect others when he doesn't want there to be a fight to begin with.
Another drink. Nero, you kind of suck for bringing all of this up. ]
no subject
[ He reaches across the table, figuratively and literally, to pat the surface of it. They have different beliefs in what is right but they understand the ugliness of the world; Nero decides that is good enough to call him a "friend." He also does it to wiggle and dig and claw his way under the man's skin.
His way of saying -- "you could have become a creature like me, too, you know" -- and he pulls his hand back.
Of course, he's glad the man isn't like him.
People like Nero do NOT get along with themselves. ]
It does, it does. I certainly am surprised you guys didn't itch yourselves raw with what you were wearing down in the dungeons. Or better yet, why you didn't decide to just let it all hang free.
But I guess things get cold. [ His hand makes an obscene gesture -- he curls his fingers like he's squeezing something small and round. ]
Gotta do what you can to not shrink.
[ He turns his head, pressing half of it firmly against the table, as he starts to laugh at his own vulgar joke. ]
It shouldn't be... it'll be a comfort to those that need it. [ Those that aren't like them; those that don't feel the creeping feeling of death and blood and screams coming to them as every day passes by. ] There are. But there are smarter ways to live, too.
You know that if war happens... a place can sidestep it, but it can only do it for so long. [ His eyes close, imagining. ] Or the Free Cities and Thorne decide that they don't want Solvunn to be the thing that remains ... and destroy it first before destroying each other.
[ There is something in the way he says it, like he's witnessed it before. And he has; it's happened; it always happens. ]
They can, they will... they'll still say it wasn't enough time to have held onto anything. [ He opens his eyes. ] Such is how greedy people are with everything. [ With wanting mutual destruction, with lamenting of "time wasted in peace," people are greedy in all things. ]
There's no way to help them, though. [ Nero goes about with his doom speech every so often, but no one listens to him. Why would they? Who would listen to his ravings as truth? He doesn't expect them to, but he also likes telling him the future so that he can later say, "Don't say I didn't warn you. Don't say you didn't have plenty of time to do something with these little warnings."
He likes doing that, too, so they realize that the destruction and suffering they endured was something they're to blame for, as well. ]
They'll live as they'll live. No use worrying about them too much, but I feel like you're a bit of a worrywart, pal.
no subject
Thing is, it's difficult to get under Amos' skin — and Nero identified one of the few ways in which one could do it pretty quick. Especially because Amos knows he could've turned out like him. Still could, really. And it's the last thing he wants; it's what he's spent most of his life trying to avoid.
And because his people aren't here, it's that much more likely to happen. It's why he needs Solvunn to work out, to the point he's going to try to ignore reality. Because the alternative is. It can't happen.
He narrows his eyes at the discussion of his shitty prison uniform, discarded and left for the elements to destroy pretty quick somewhere outside the Primary Settlement. ]
Not like we had much of a choice. [ That's part of the thing about being in prison. All your options get taken from you. He's still having a hard time leaving it behind completely; never got a chance to dispel that aggressive energy that was building up inside of him from the months spent behind bars, anyway. ] Besides. Less about shrinkage, more about not being completely vulnerable.
[ Thorne already took enough from them — they didn't need to be even more exposed. Kinda feels like that'd have been inviting more shit. Wearing a sack was worth the trouble, in this case.
Still sitting upright, Amos angles his head to get a better look at the way Nero shifts his. Keeps his face neutral, impassive as Nero lays out the possibilities. Knows he's right. Nobody gets to stay innocent, much as he wishes some could. And a world as small as this one is — nobody gets to be unaffected.
He just. Doesn't want kids to grow up in a war zone. That's all, really. Seems like a simple enough ask, but. ]
You can help some. [ He sidesteps the worrywart comment; Amos isn't, really. If this place, these ideas are giving someone else that impression, though, then maybe he is, and he just isn't seeing it. But that has to be a good thing, right? Worrying about the fates of others. It's what Naomi and Cap do. If he's picked that up from them, good. ] Not everybody. But if you can save a couple—
[ He cuts himself off there. Because he doesn't sound like himself; he does sound like his people. And because... he doesn't actually have people here. He doesn't have anybody he'd want to save here, and it's entirely possible he never will. Virtually all of the kids are in the Primary Settlement, anyway. The Tertiary Settlement could get razed right now and he wouldn't even blink.
Amos breaks eye contact with Nero to stare at the wall instead, face completely blank now. Downs the rest of his drink. Well, fuck, now he doesn't know how to feel about any of this. ]
Someone here'll fight to save their people. [ It just. Probably won't be him, huh. His voice is just as empty as his expression, completely separated from the topic at hand. That was part of the whole appeal of reclusive and neutral, anyway. He can just... leave, because he doesn't care. That's what most of his life has been, anyway. Wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to break the formula now, would it. ]
no subject
[ He props his chin by his hand; they're having a grand old time talking -- the man sitting in the chair and Nero half-lying on the table. ]
I wonder how long it would have been before that point was hit.
[ When madness and desire for control would take hold of everyone; he thinks that it was coming; he thinks it would have been very soon. He thinks those in the dungeons were just a few more bad days before breaking and becoming feral creatures. ]
Oh, well, the thought exercise is over!
[ Nero announces. They don't have to talk anymore about could of, would of, should of -- the world is full of those things, anyway.
The elf listens to what he says with an easy stare. He catches how the man stops talking about wanting to save others; his expression shifts yet again to understanding. His companion isn't someone that could run in to save others without a reason. ]
Yeah, they will. [ His chin bobs down yet again, a small nod. He won't say that someone will always fight for the people, but he's talked to enough of those present that he knows that one of them would try to defend Solvunn. Even if Solvunn royally fucked them all over, those people would protect the country purely for the innocents present. ]
And maybe me too. [ Nero admits. ] Maybe, I will also be helping out. But that'll depend on someone asking for my help.
[ The "someone" isn't directed as his friend, but someone else that is in Solvunn. Nero thinks it would be funny if his help was requested, because saving Solvunn isn't their problem; it isn't their burden; it just would be their fault if they did nothing -- and he can live with that. ]
If it comes to it -- when it comes to it, you should stay around to watch it all burn. Someone should be alive to tell what happens to everyone else. [ That's his excuse anyway for suggesting that the man should stay to watch. ]
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The flippant way in which Nero dismisses the entire topic at hand makes him furrow his brow. Amos gets it: sob stories aren't anything special, and his is no different. The way Nero seems to enjoy talking about the whole thing, though, before brushing it off — that, Amos doesn't get. Or like. It could just be a matter of personalities clashing, but it's pretty clear Nero isn't someone you just fuck around with. And these things add up.
So he blinks in surprise when Nero says he might still fight for this place, because that was maybe the last thing he thought he'd hear out of him. All this talk about everything being hopeless, pointless, and he'd still do something about it? Even if it took asking him, but... still?
Great. So Nero's dangerous and he can't even begin to understand where he's coming from. Seems like a bad recipe. ]
If I'm not fighting, think I'd just get the fuck out of dodge instead of sit around and watch. Someone else can do the telling.
[ Someone actually worthy of it. He almost gets the sentiment behind recording history. Almost. Seems like the kind of thing Cap would do; it's kind of what happened after the Cant. Except Cap would also stay, and fight, and probably die if it came to it. And Amos just... can't be bothered.
He cocks his head. ] Really? You'd help this place? [ Slight emphasis on you. Hey, effective first impression. ] Why?
[ Because Amos is pretty sure he wouldn't. If Himeka asked him to, he might, but outside of her... Yeah, he's got nothing here. ]
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[ His hand strikes the top of the table; he agrees that is the smartest plan that his companion could make for himself. ]
Someone else will give some passionate speech about what happened. Their feelings coloring the events however they choose to paint evil and good into the actions of the people.
[ Again, his head rests down on his arm. He chuckles a little to himself; he finds it very funny that others can find such virtues and truths in slaughter. ]
But would the Free Cities and Thorne be evil? Solvunn is smart to remain neutral, but they're also just waiting out for one to weaken the other. Then, what? Will they stay neutral or kill the limping beast? Do they have the luxury to wait and find out?
[ His chin vibrates with quiet laughter. These thoughts are fun thoughts; he likes presenting them to others, but it doesn't matter if what he says is how things are or not. It's just nice to get people thinking. ]
As for me? Yeah, I'd help this place out if asked. [ Nero once more puts emphasis on being asked to assist. ] As for the reason why... it's because I'd be asked.
[ What circular logic! ]
You already can guess the kind of person that I am. If they're willing to request my assistance, it means they're willing to give up a bit of their morality to work with me. [ Because even if Nero is protecting the people, employing him is evil. ]
They'd rather make concessions to their conscience than risk annihilation, and honestly, that shit is so fucking funny to me that I can't help but want to give it my all so that they'd be able to live to see tomorrow. [ He jerks his chin in the direction of the people of Solvunn in the tavern. ]
They get to think to themselves... their lives are, in part, indebted to me.
[ Nero wouldn't ask for anything; he wouldn't demand anything from them. He just wants them to know for the rest of their lives that the reason they continue to breathe is because of a monster.
He wants them to live with that truth until they die.
And he chuckles. ] So, why wouldn't I help out?!
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Kind of starts to lose him at the political talk, though. Strategy on a global scale is not his strong suit at all. He has no clue what Nero is laughing about; kind of figures this is gonna be a theme between the two of them, huh. ]
Maybe they really just want nothing to do with it.
[ That's what Amos had first assumed, anyway, going off of... a total stranger's one-line description. Which, in hindsight, might have been a stupid thing to do. He frowns. This is really just like turf wars in Baltimore, extrapolated to an entire world, isn't it? None of them were truly neutral. If one group got weak, another one would move in to finish them off.
Doesn't want Solvunn to be like that. This is a place that actually cares about its people, which is so novel for him, but... might be time to let go of the fantasy, that anywhere could be good, that anywhere would care enough to not move in and kill a limping beast. He sees the logic in it. Can't decide if it's better or worse, to let Nero remind him of the way the world actually works, not let him get too comfortable in an idealistic fantasy that could never come to pass.
His expression reverts to something empty when Nero answers his question, though. Yeah. Amos knows exactly the kind of person he is. Can't quite figure out some of his motivations, but actions are more important, and he's made it quite clear the kind of steps he's willing to take — with a smile on his face and laughing all the way, apparently.
But he's lost on the logic again. ]
Staying alive's more important than sacrificing your conscience or whatever. [ Or whatever, because he's someone who doesn't even have a conscience. The concept clearly means nothing to him. ] People staying alive is measurable. Consciences? Can't do anything with those. So the joke might be on you — you're still helping people. Still doing a good thing for them. That's the only part that actually matters.
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[ Nero talks in absolutes because that is how his world has been. He hasn't witnessed anything in this new world that has challenged his beliefs. In fact, hearing stories from other worlds, it has only strengthened his resolve that every world is shit.
People just lie to themselves about how shitty it really is. ]
If they really are like that, well... then, the Free Cities and Thorne won't have to worry about Solvunn. But ... is that really okay? Solvunn is only good because it considers the others to be worthless?
[ If this country really is like that, Nero won't be able to stay in it. It would remind him too much of how the elves are; he's already given too much deja vu just being in this place. It makes his skin itch. It makes him want to burn everything down and have everyone see that the Gods never loved or protected them.
His eyes close, and he lets out a long, agonized sigh. But I won't. I won't do something like that here.
Nero lifts his chin a little as soon as the man starts speaking, again. He opens one eye as he listens to what he has to say. It seems like the way they view the world is a little different from one another; the two are walking the same path but the elf slipped deeper into the darkness and blood. ]
Actions are the only thing that matters, huh? If I save a person, it means that I did something good even if I'm not a good person? [ He repeats back what he understands. ]
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Maybe they just don't think about people that aren't their own.
[ Which, okay — now he's talking about himself without explicitly talking about himself. It should worry him, at least a little, that Nero has inadvertently started describing Amos to a tee, but it... doesn't. Not really. He knows what he is. And only wanting to look after your own people, saying fuck the rest of the world — that's exactly how Amos has gone through life. That's his best case scenario. No matter how good the company he surrounds himself with, no matter how much he tries to attach himself to righteous people, their motives will never sink in for him. Their philosophies will never be his own.
At the same time, the idea that you can't be good if all you do is look after your own people is. Well. Amos knew he was never going to be good, anyway, so. ]
Others don't have to be worthless to be irrelevant. You just... don't think about them. That's all. And maybe that means Solvunn isn't good. But as long as they're looking after their own, I figure they're alright. It's good enough.
[ This is all going a lot easier for him now that the conversation has shifted closer towards what Amos actually knows. There are contradictions there, sure; he's a contradictory person. Someone who does not care, cannot care, but feels the need to make the effort regardless. It's futile. He'll never be good enough. Still, he has to try.
For at least as long as he can remember to. Place like this, stranger in a strange world, that might end sooner rather than later.
Nero's also easier to talk to when he's more subdued. Or at least closer to Amos' speed. ]
Yup. There are ways you can live a good life without being a good person. [ Not too long ago he'd had to explain that to someone else, though she was a friend. And receptive, at that. Someone else who needed to know that. ] You do the right thing, help others not die? Even if it's just because someone else asked. Or because you think it's funny. Still did a good thing. That's the only part that really counts.
[ He genuinely believes that, too. Not a whole lot of room for arguing there. Someone makes that the founding principle of their life, it's pretty difficult to break it. ]
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[ He flashes a cheeky smile. Nero knows exactly what he is doing; he always makes the argument of the contrary for no other reason than to get the other person thinking. It's only a few people that realized that it's best not to think on the nonsense that comes spilling out of his mouth, least they get trapped in the game of words with him.
However, his companion is keeping up with him better than most. It isn't that the man is wanting to argue with him, but remains unable to fully comprehend the point that Nero is attempting to get at -- ]
But my point is that everyone everywhere is going to kill each other. [ His head tilts to the side as he frowns in an overly dramatic manner. ] I'm not saying it'll happen all at once... though, it'd be hilarious if that happened... but it will happen. One way or another, they'll figure out a way to go to war with each other.
[ He rolls so that he is on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His long legs hang off the table, and he's starting to feel his feet growing numb. ]
Ugh. I'd hate to live a good life. [ His tongue slips out of his mouth as he makes a disgusted face. ] But it sounds by your standards that I've been living a good one, for the most part. Gross!
Though, that makes me wonder... by your own standards... are you living a good life, too? Are you doing the right thing always, friend?
no subject
And the universe is a lot bigger than the world. Can't care about everybody.
[ So limiting your sense of empathy — if you even have one to begin with — to just a couple of people seems alright by him.
That said, unfortunately, Nero does have a point. Everyone dies. Very often, in Amos' life, it's by the hands of someone else. Sometimes those hands are his. Sometimes he wants to go after a different set of hands, if they've committed a wrong in some way. Everyone kills everyone else, and he's very much a part of that.
He keeps a straight face. Wouldn't ever occur to him to match Nero's movements or mannerisms, even subconsciously. Amos just is, and that means a lot of stillness, often no expression. His existence is practically clinical. ]
Can't fight the way the world works. Can only try to make sure the ones who don't deserve it don't die. Not a lot of those, but they're worth it.
[ And maybe the most conviction he'll have on anything. He stares at Nero as he flops over, tilts his head slightly. Guy's gotta be dramatic, huh.
He doesn't answer right away, letting the silence on his end drag out for a couple of minutes. ]
No. [ Can't say he isn't honest, at least. ] I'm trying. Don't always succeed. That don't really count for much, but.
[ A lopsided shrug, one shoulder bobbing in the movement. What're you gonna do. It's not like he's going to admit to this guy, of all people, that he needs help. (That he's pretty sure there isn't any help out here. That maybe by choosing to live in the Tertiary Settlement, he's only dooming himself after all.)
Doesn't really make much of a difference, either, that Nero apparently hates the idea. Bad people are still bad people. They're just two different kinds. ]
no subject
[ His arms open to gesture above them, to gesture around them; they've all come from different worlds and he agrees that there is a limit to how much a person can come to care about someone else. ]
The amount of care I have those summoned here is debatable at best. [ He folds his hands on his chest, letting out a long pleased sigh. ] People who are willing to cling to one another because their circumstances are similar... don't you find that kind of funny?
[ Nero cranes his neck so that he could get a look at the man's face. ] People who act like they're old friends with one another... that they'd die for one another... isn't that hilarious? They're attempting to make themselves feel less alone in this whole world by speeding their relationships along... like the bonds that we made back home could be easily replaced.
[ The elf has only one person that he cares about. Everyone else is just entertainment to him until proven otherwise. He's got no beef with anyone; he's got no hate for them; at most, he's neutral to most folk. Why act like they have some long-standing hatred when he barely knows them? Why even hate them when their lives are shit anyway? He doesn't get it. ]
And yeah, well, no one knows who deserves it and who doesn't. [ His fingers drum on his chest as he gives him a wide smile. ] You and I... we're not judges... we're just executioners, aren't we, buddy?
[ At least, that's the feeling that he gets. The man doesn't judge anyone anymore than Nero judges anyone. But the way they don't judge people is different; Nero believes everyone has their own justifications to do anything, but ultimately, nothing matters. Killing them to fulfill his own justification and reasons isn't righteous but just proving his convictions -- his nihilism -- were stronger.
The elf gives him a small frown. ]
Well, so long as you can live with yourself, that's all anyone can do.
[ He replies in an easy way; accepting that the man will believe what he wants to believe. Their ideologies clash, but not so violently that it makes a spark or anything explosive. If anything, it's more like oil and water; peacefully coexisting with one another.
How terrible for his friend. ]
Anyway, I'm Nero. And you are?
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[ Not that it's funny. He doesn't understand Nero's sense of humour at all. It's not funny that the world works like this. It's a pretty fuckin' bad thing, actually, but clearly the elf's made up his mind. It's not worth arguing, if he even could come up with an argument. ]
There's a couple of people out here that I think I like. Maybe some I met in prison. I dunno. They're alright, I guess. But they're not my people.
[ That's what it comes down to for him. There's a grand total of four people he cares about, and none of them are here. Probably never will be. Anyone else just isn't that important. He gets Nero on that front; nobody else is really worth thinking about all that much. Nobody is really worth following.
Which is a big fucking problem, considering how the past twenty-ish years of his life have been built around finding a person with good morals and following them. Himeka's maybe the best candidate he's found here, but then he'd gone and left the Primary Settlement for the Tertiary. Because she's not his people.
He's really just screwing himself over, isn't he. Amos stares out at the wall for a moment before Nero gets his attention back. ]
Kids don't deserve it. [ His voice is firm. That's it. That's the criteria, and he's not going to budge on that. Best way to get on Amos' shit list would be to argue with him on that front, indicate you'd hurt a kid.
He watches Nero's fingers drum against his chest. Does not match his smile, does not even come close, his own mouth a small line, they're not buddies, but, ] Guess we are.
[ Executioners. Amos doesn't even think about killing. Someone poses a threat, take them out. Killing someone is the easiest way to remove a problem, just do it. There's no moral quandary, no great philosophical question; you kill someone who has to go and it's over with and you move on. He has to be reminded that's not actually the case, and even then. As far as his worldview is concerned, it is.
They have too much in common with one another. Amos can live with himself — it's maybe the one thing he's good at — but that's pretty much where he draws the line. He knows he doesn't take glee in things like Nero seems to. He just. Is.
Stares down at Nero, still lying in his obnoxious position across the table.
Could walk away. Could've left at any time. Hasn't. Doesn't. ]
Amos.
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But who knows? People are acting in such hilarious ways that they might actually sacrifice themselves for someone they only knew a few months.
His smile pulls back. He can think of someone who would do that without question. ]
Did you know? That man? Jon was willing to die for all the prisoners? You owe him a lot. Be sure to thank him for being willing to sacrifice his life for yours, eh?
[ He gives a small nod. ]
Not my people, either.
[ Nero rolls his head on the table so that he looks back to the man. ]
How about that? I agree with you. Kids shouldn't be killed! People who kill kids are real scum.
[ That's why he doesn't have any moral high ground to stand with anyone. He's murdered quite a few over the decades; he always comments on it to his companion, however, since he didn't want him to forget that they were committing atrocities.
He breathes in deep and let out a long sigh. His eyes unfocus for a second as he looks at some point above his head. Lifting his hands off his chest, he violently slaps the air in front of him with both hands. ]
Got it.
[ His hands remain frozen where it is. ]
Amos. [ Nero repeats. ] No way.
[ His mouth falls open as he starts to laugh. He turns to look at him properly and laughs even harder. Eponine had been complaining about Amos; she called him a murderer and was going to try to pin Julie's murder on him, too. She said something along the lines about how he already killed so what's one more death on his hands. ]
Oh my god. [ Is what he's able to say through his laughter. ] That's hilarious.
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Never met the guy. He wanted to sacrifice himself for everyone else, that's his business. I don't owe anyone here shit.
[ So, no, he doesn't care about Jon. Amos had been gearing himself up to probably do something stupid, probably get himself killed as a way to get out of prison, before that guy with the portals showed up. (Is kind of still in that place since he'd never gotten a proper means to dispel that aggression.) Hard to think he owes someone else for potentially giving his life to save the lot of them when he'd been ready to throw his away at a moment's notice.
Not that he's unfamiliar with the concept. Sacrificing yourself to save others is a total Holden move. Only difference is he knows Holden, likes Holden, would die for Holden. Someone he doesn't know? Not a chance.
And if Nero's implying he actually has people then it doesn't matter, does it — it doesn't matter to either of them, because none of their people are here, and they certainly aren't about to become each other's people. Yet another similarity that Amos wishes he didn't know.
He raises his eyebrows at the idea that Nero does have standards, though. People who kill kids are scum, indeed. Good word for them.
So, it just kind of slips out, ] You and I've got a little too much in common.
[ As in, shit's probably going to turn bad at some point. Probably not in the middle of a tavern, not in this moment, at least, but. At some point. Kind of feels inevitable.
And, again, he has no idea what's so fucking funny. But this time it's apparently really, really fucking funny. Amos stares at Nero. Waits for him to get it out of his system. ]
How's that. [ It's barely even a question. He's never known anyone who just laughs so much. ]
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[ He turns his head slightly to the side. ] Even if you owe him a bunch, if you never personally received anything from what he did, what does it matter, right?
[ His tone of voice is not so much as cynical as much as admitting that even though he said Amos should thank Jon that he also knows there's no point to it. ]
Huh? We do? [ The elf cranes his neck up slightly to look at the man at the odd angle that he's lying. ] Oh... that's unfortunate for you, pal. [ Nero has enough awareness that he is a terrible fucking person, and can only offer condolences to anyone who feels like they have anything in common with him.
But it's about the same amount of condolences, if they were both caught out in the rain without any shelter nearby. Sucks that it's happened, but nothing either of them can do about it. ]
Still... I normally don't get along with people who are like me. This is a real treat. [ Usually, those that end up being like him, he finds too irritating to keep alive.
His laughter does eventually die down, and he explains why he finds it so funny. ]
Oh. I just heard through the grapevine of the dungeon that you were some sort of murderer. I was under the impression that you were some dark and brooding murder boy, but you're actually quite easy-going. [ Again, he lets out a few more hoots and hollers of amusement. ]
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Not like anyone asked him to sacrifice himself, anyway. Even if I got something out of it, that would've been his choice. So it still wouldn't have been my problem.
[ Amos is barely capable of caring about people to begin with, and the ones he does — they're his people. Anyone else. Anyone else at all, no matter what they've done — unless it was something for one of his people, and even then, that's only a maybe — they just don't matter. Any sacrifice ever used on him would be a total waste.
At Nero's awkward attempts to look at him, Amos leans forward, resting his forearms on the tabletop, just that little bit closer to the elf. ]
Is it? [ A treat. He already knows it's incredibly unfortunate for him. He dips his head slightly before looking back up, doing his best to meet Nero's eyes considering their angles. ] There anybody you get along with?
[ Amos' style of not getting along with people is more passive. The way he is is off-putting enough, so he doesn't actively antagonize anyway. Nero, on the other hand.
Maybe that's why they've been able to carry on this conversation: Amos' general passivity unless provoked, Nero's outward brashness able to keep things going. Living out here, in the outskirts, this close to him, where he'll probably run into him more often than not. It might be a bad idea.
Tilts his head slightly at Nero's assessment that he's easygoing, just a little surprised at it. At least that's enough to replace his bafflement over the laughing. ]
Sure, I've killed. Not like it's a whole thing. [ Dark and brooding — geez, that'd be fucked up. ] It's done, you move on. Just like anything else.
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[ Nero sounds almost impressed by how cold Amos is. Sure, he thinks that sacrificing everything for someone else is absolutely worthless. One wanted to dedicate his entire life to someone else -- someone that was already dead. Why? Would that person even see what he's doing? Would they cheer for it? Would they understand it? His friend was creating a narrative all on his own, but then again, so does every martyr.
Every martyr creates a narrative of how their actions would benefit the many, of how it would make the world better, of something would come from what they did. It forced a story onto others -- and those other people might never know the tale they were supposed to be the characters for, too.
Really funny shit. ]
There is really only one person I get along with, but they're not here. [ He tilts his head to the side. ] Sad. [ Lifting his hand, he puts his index finger underneath one eye and drags it down his face to indicate a tear falling. ]
Everyone else tolerates me. [ Which is the bare minimum that he asks for, but also more than what he deserves. ]
You think that way, huh? About killing? You don't lament at all about how many you've cut down? Or how much blood is on your hands? [ As he says the word 'blood,' Nero lifts his hands up in the air dramatically like his hands are indeed stained red. ]
I knew there was a reason I liked you.
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Doesn't know what it means for Nero to sound almost impressed by it. Amos knows it's not a good thing he's like this; he just is. But he might even agree with Nero's assessment of martyrdom if he knew — not that it's funny, more that there are a lot of assumptions made there, and they aren't always correct.
Then again, if it was someone he liked trying to be a martyr... he doesn't understand when Holden goes for it. Maybe appreciates it, though. Just one of the ways in which Holden's a good person.
Shit, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with that. It's just easier to ignore everyone he doesn't know, doesn't like, so he'll keep doing that instead. Because, you know. He's heartless.
It almost is surprising that Nero does have a buddy somewhere out there. Of course he'd express it that way, too. Amos is more of the silently stew on it, let it all explode later type. He was months separated from his people before he even arrived here; months more yet after spending all that time in Thorne's dungeons.
He swallows, thick, as though that'll clear his head. It won't. ]
Tolerating's about as good as any of us can hope for. [ Is he talking about Nero? Is he talking about himself? Both? Shit. He's not ordering another drink, that's for sure; isn't keen on giving the impression that he wants to extend the conversation... even as he continues to not get up and leave.
Though I knew there was a reason I liked you deepens Amos' frown; maybe worries him slightly. A reminder that he should give a shit but. He just. Isn't capable of it. ]
Don't get any ideas. [ The almost-admiration, the open declaration, however sincere it may or may not actually be. His voice is flat, without inflection; just a statement. ] I don't regret shit. Can't undo anything. Doesn't mean it's a good thing. Doesn't mean we're gonna get along, or tolerate each other. [ He sits back up straighter, not really going out of his way to try to properly engage Nero anymore. And yet, still not getting up, either. He's still the one who actively chose to be at this table, despite who was on it. ] Just means we're both dangerous, and a lot of people here probably don't deserve that.
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[ He shoves his index finger into his ear, scratching the inside. The tone that he replies to Amos indicates that he also believes that's the most anyone can hope from the elf, too. Just because they're pleasant individuals with no psychological malfunctions doesn't mean that Nero has to get along with them, after all.
The elf just chooses to be relatively chill with the majority of the people he interacts with, because he doesn't see any reason not to be. Hate comes and goes easily for him; anger is difficult to built; he doesn't see much reason to hang onto either one of those emotions because life is so, so long to have someone feel like shit. ]
Hey, hey. I just like you. You don't have to like me, pal. [ He pulls his finger out of his nose, and blows the ear wax he collected off the nail. ] This is a one-sided street. [ The tone that he uses is one that is almost offended that Amos would like him back. Honestly, the man was able to see the kind of monster that Nero is and so Nero would be a little concerned if he was liked. ]
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Anger's all he really knows. (That's not true. It's merely all he thinks he knows. The rest of it is unrecognizable to him. There all the same, but there's only so much one can do with that.) Push the right buttons, it comes out easily. Don't push those buttons at all, and it doesn't.
Nero isn't pushing those buttons right now, but Amos can tell he has the potential to. He's got his attention again, at least. Amos ignores whatever it is he's doing with his finger — he doesn't have his attention in that way — but angles his head just enough to catch his face. He does not get this guy at all. ]
Guessing I shouldn't take that as a compliment that you like me. [ There's no offence in his tone. More just like, well, of course someone like you would like someone like me. That's just great. ] But as long as we're clear.
[ And it sure seems like they are. Amos glances up at the roof, glances up at nothing. He inhales, sighs, looks back down. ]
This where you gonna call home, then? Out here in the middle of nowhere? [ It's an easy enough question, casually asked; it's what Amos is planning. Where they'll probably have the chance to run into each other more often than not, though, which was definitely not part of his plans, so... yay. ]
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[ It is his quick response about if it isn't a compliment to be liked by him. He scratches the side of his face as he tries to think of something -- his face contorts as he feels like saying something comforting. But his mind immediately gives up on the thought, as it is just bullshit and Amos would recognize it as bullshit. ]
It's a bad thing to be liked by me, but it isn't an insult. [ His shoulders give as much of a shrug as they can give with how he's lying on the table. That's the most he can say about it. ]
Pfft, are you kidding me? [ Nero turns his head to blow a loud raspberry. ] Yes. [ His contradictory answers probably irritate more than they entertain. ] I'm going to stay here until I can see what these people are really about, Amos. It'll take awhile but I wanna see what they're made of before I vanish out to [ A laugh. ] greener pastures.
Of course, some interesting people are here... and I'd rather not leave them. I might be here to stay which is depressing, but what can you do? [ What a roundabout answer. ] How about you, pal?
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