Istredd would simply laugh if he thought Lucifer considered anything about himself perfect. In the sweetest way possible. Because he loves him but he wouldn't love anything perfect. The flaws are what stick with him.
"Yes, me more," he agrees. Istredd is better at taking personal responsibility on these things. That's partly Lucifer's influence too. He can be very reckless and thoughtless, as his lover has pointed out to him, although he wouldn't call anything about his feelings for Lucifer reckless. He avoided them out of fear of risk.
"I didn't realize I wanted you until you said you weren't interested in people and I felt a crushing sense of disappointment. It was very bad timing to learn I had feelings." Istredd just explained the process from step to step it took, but that gut feeling of sadness at a door closing on something he didn't know he wanted was a real bad moment.
"I've had my heart broken before. I wasn't in a hurry to feel that again." Lucifer may remember that fear he had of being a placeholder, or of Istredd being kind to him and how that would have been the worst. Kindness with rejection is still rejection. He didn't want him to regret it. Istredd isn't trying to bring up Yennefer on purpose, but it is relevant. Experiencing something that devastating would make it hard to decide to willingly walk into it again.
"And then you said your feelings for me were unparalleled and I decided I couldn't live without knowing." This was post-Pit when he had to look at his future and decide what it would be, so it ended up being easy in the end. Istredd steps a little closer to him, three feet away rather than ten, but so far so good.
"But we're here now tempted to be defiled covered in blood in a dangerous forest, so it worked out. My only real regret is that you had to feel any pain at all." Even if it was temporary during his meltdown, Istredd will always want to protect him from bad feelings. "You're mine. That's all I wanted." A pause. "Okay maybe I wanted a little bit more." Thus, the defilement.
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"Yes, me more," he agrees. Istredd is better at taking personal responsibility on these things. That's partly Lucifer's influence too. He can be very reckless and thoughtless, as his lover has pointed out to him, although he wouldn't call anything about his feelings for Lucifer reckless. He avoided them out of fear of risk.
"I didn't realize I wanted you until you said you weren't interested in people and I felt a crushing sense of disappointment. It was very bad timing to learn I had feelings." Istredd just explained the process from step to step it took, but that gut feeling of sadness at a door closing on something he didn't know he wanted was a real bad moment.
"I've had my heart broken before. I wasn't in a hurry to feel that again." Lucifer may remember that fear he had of being a placeholder, or of Istredd being kind to him and how that would have been the worst. Kindness with rejection is still rejection. He didn't want him to regret it. Istredd isn't trying to bring up Yennefer on purpose, but it is relevant. Experiencing something that devastating would make it hard to decide to willingly walk into it again.
"And then you said your feelings for me were unparalleled and I decided I couldn't live without knowing." This was post-Pit when he had to look at his future and decide what it would be, so it ended up being easy in the end. Istredd steps a little closer to him, three feet away rather than ten, but so far so good.
"But we're here now tempted to be defiled covered in blood in a dangerous forest, so it worked out. My only real regret is that you had to feel any pain at all." Even if it was temporary during his meltdown, Istredd will always want to protect him from bad feelings. "You're mine. That's all I wanted." A pause. "Okay maybe I wanted a little bit more." Thus, the defilement.