Lucifer (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thedevilwhorose) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
abraxaslogs2023-05-02 07:52 pm
thedevilwhorose) wrote in abraxaslogs2023-05-02 07:52 pm
I don't trust, but I see right in front of me
Who: Lucifer, others
When: May & June
Where: Thorne, Nott, Nocwich, the Horizon
What: OTA prompts and some closed things
Warnings:
Nocwich with Castiel: Cyfaill-induced Problems.
Nocwich with Istredd: A Lot of Blood, animal death, part harvesting, ???? it's a weird thread
I don't know who to betray. ♫
[Will match style.]
When: May & June
Where: Thorne, Nott, Nocwich, the Horizon
What: OTA prompts and some closed things
Warnings:
Nocwich with Castiel: Cyfaill-induced Problems.
Nocwich with Istredd: A Lot of Blood, animal death, part harvesting, ???? it's a weird thread
I don't know who to betray. ♫
[Will match style.]
no subject
He can imagine the completely mythical situation that had a time where him and Michael weren't enemies and wanting Michael to 'save him' but knowing that he was needed elsewhere and how terrible he'd feel, anyway.
He relates to Kell in a lot of ways but relating to his relationship with Rhy is always the worst.
"And so you want to make your life choices around this guy, anyway," Lucifer states. It's not fair to. He knows it's not. But when has he ever been fair? "Has he even given as much to you as you keep giving to him to what, make up for running away?"
no subject
"Yes." It's a short answer. "He did. He had. So much. He was there for me before anyone else. Before anyone even thought it worth a try."
It's a meagre attempt at expressing the totality of what he feels. Another feeble attempt at explaining himself. A failed one, since it misses one crucial bit.
"I love him."
Not a lot better.
no subject
For Lucifer, who understands just as many layers and levels, he needs more than that.
Because the Beginning doesn't matter.
"Does he love you?"
no subject
It's in his whole posture, how he suddenly lights up, straightens up, weight, years, worries lifting by those two words. It's painfully obvious how fresh it is.
"It's a bit more complicated than just that."
They're not exclusive. Kell doesn't mind sharing. He's grateful to have anything. That they can be anything more than they've ever been back in Arnes.
no subject
He blows out a breath.
Who is he to call Kell and idiot right then.
He shifts down along the flowerbed to a new patch in lieu of responding further right away.
"So if you were captured again, what would you want?"
no subject
Like he did the first time. Rather, like he tried.
"That's what I tried then. They fished me out of the summoning pond pretty broken, you know."
Both of his hands were broken - a self-inflicted injury while he was trying to free himself from the shackless Holland had put him in. A nasty, bleeding, open wound where the collar has been. There's still a thin white line crossing his neck. A scar. Almost invisible, unless you know where to look.
no subject
Well, it wasn't like he didn't figure it.
He's of a similar mind, himself. Whether it be limbs or blood or honestly bleeding grace, losing pieces of himself or taking as many casualties with him as he could.
He won't be kept under lock and key for longer than a day. The last time was an exception. It had to stuff down every piece of him to not lash out like a monster.
"Whatever it takes," he agrees.
This had been a lighter conversation to start with. Sorry, Kell.
But it was nonetheless an important one.
no subject
Portals are not the only ways of transportation. Who knows if he was able to go far enough from the castle maybe his own skill would come back eventually. It didn't in the pit, but the pit was specifically magically fortified against any and all magic, so no surprise there.
But all such idle musing are moot in his current situation. He can sleep on the ground as long as it's dry and not too warm, not too cold. He doesn't mind wearing the same clothes until they fall apart, as long as they're clean. He doesn't need jewellery. He doesn't need fancy food or wine. But Rhy does. Kell would never rob him of even a tiny amount of comfort if he has any say on the matter.
"I'm not leaving without Rhy, and without knowing I will be able to support the quality of life he's used to, at least partially. Even here, we're poor by our previous standards."
Besides, he's a city guy, he'd probably survive a week in the wilderness, but not much longer.
no subject
Always the cautioned, careful step. He's warned Kell before to be careful with his words and it's funny that it had been in the gardens, it's funny that he had threatened to kill Kell if Wilhelm was harmed for any slip.
It's funny because he'd be in quite the predicament now. It'd be near impossible to choose one over the other and in the end Lucifer would likely just choose himself to avoid such silly complications.
(He doesn't want to consider how strong a lie that is.)
no subject
"They indeed do. I mean, we do lack in the hats department, but I believe that's more of a cultural thing."
He turns the whole thing into a joke in the end. Just in case anyone listened. But he's grateful for the warning. They are still on the castle grounds. You can never be sure who can be listening, even on accident, so it's better to be careful. Kell catches himself sliding into carelessness if he's comfortable with the company. Way too honest for his own good. And Lucifer is one of the few, four to be precise, people he feels safe with to talk openly.
no subject
They all learn, little by little. Maybe Lucifer's paranoia is unwarranted. Maybe Thorne doesn't care, isn't always potentially listening in and prying. Maybe it's just Lucifer feeling caged and seeing the worst of a situation and he's bringing them all down with his dark-clouded thoughts.
Maybe it could all be fine and the rumors of experiments on the Summoned is untrue.
Will he risk it? Will he ever risk it?
No.
If what he's instilled in them ever saves their lives just once, even out of a hundred moments, it will be worth it. They're not immortal. And Lucifer's own life is... ehhhh... questionable what he can take.
"A shame, too. You could pull off a good hat, I think."
it's been a wild ride, and very satisfying, but maybe let's finish their gardening philosophy soon?
"Historically speaking, I did. And not one. I had a few quite nice ones back home."
Kell stands up to stretch, rolls his shoulders and straightens his back. His whole body aches from being bent and contorted while crouching to pull out the weeds.
"Saints, I never suspected this whole gardening thing is such a tough job!"
yes that's fine! Kell can either leave him to his devices (misery) or fade to them just working?
The thing is: he probably means it.
"Oh, don't be a quitter, get back to work." This is Lucifer's punishment which means he needs help, but he doesn't say that. "I need to get a bit more of this done before I can stop for the day."
If you help he'll be done faster!!
let's have it fade to them just working, he's a good kid
Both of the thing he says are bullshit. First, because Kell has not a clue how an actual back-breaking labour even looks like. Second, because he does know how caring for the plants does. You're either a priest perfectly balanced in your elements, or you do it manually. Life is delicate.
Neither stops him from complaining when given a chance. What were you expecting, Lucifer?