I don't trust, but I see right in front of me

[thedevilwhorose]

Who: Lucifer, others
When: May & June
Where: Thorne, Nott, Nocwich, the Horizon
What: OTA prompts and some closed things
Warnings:
Nocwich with Castiel: Cyfaill-induced Problems.
Nocwich with Istredd: A Lot of Blood, animal death, part harvesting, ???? it's a weird thread




I don't know who to betray. ♫
[Will match style.]

Comments

[magicalarchaeologist]

Istredd reaches out to catch Lucifer's hand. Even if there's gore on it still, at this point, he's going to take it. Everything is in pouches and it is unlikely he is going to try and seduce Lucifer again. Probably. The two of them sometimes are all over the place but that's the way Istredd likes it. He wants love that's wild and senseless and consuming. While also, at least for the two of them, sometimes sweet and relaxing too.

"I don't know how much longer it would have gone on for, if not for the Pit." That is the term they're all using. Istredd would say it was more or less that, yeah. A giant fishbowl of earth and trapped in darkness. No way out, at least for awhile.

He means the two of them. How long Istredd would have held back, certain it was unrequited? If it would have taken months or years. That trauma made it happen sooner, they both know that. If Istredd hadn't been hiding under the bed, if Lucifer hadn't been broken thinking he was gone.

So how does he figure out this strange in-between feeling of wishing it never happened and grateful that since it did, he got something special out of it? And Istredd got a few things out of it. Friendships. The decision to keep living. Realization that he was stronger than he thought. And certainty of what he wanted after he made it.

He runs his thumb affectionately along Lucifer's knuckles.

"I would have cracked eventually. You're very tempting."

[thedevilwhorose]

'Unlikely' yeah okay Istredd, who are you fooling.

"I don't know, you're pretty stubborn, and I'm very blind," he says, which really in an accurate summation of what happened. Lucifer would not have noticed on his own even if Istredd hadn't been hiding his thoughts because he wouldn't be able to recognize what the hell to do with it all and still assumed cross-wires for whatever bullshit reason he could come up with.

Because that initial thought of no one ever chooses him would still be a blaring alarm and Istredd is kind.

[magicalarchaeologist]

"I think maybe another year. But in the situation we're in here? Something insane happens every few months so there would probably be other times when emotions ran too high."

It needed a catalyst, that much is clear. A reason for them both to be upset and vulnerable enough to cross lines and not stop. The Pit was an obvious one, but he thinks something like the gods a second time could do it, there were other ways he could slip his guard and try to cling to Lucifer. The inevitability of confession is the point.

"I wasn't able to stop it. I tried." He did. Logic it away, remind himself that their friendship was too precious, reminded himself daily that Lucifer wasn't interested as he self-proclaimed. It was an active effort to let it go so he could move on with his life. And none of it worked. Love for him is useless to fight against.

He squeezes Lucifer's hand. "Remember when I told you that no one ever prioritized me, until you?" He said it while explaining how much it meant to him that Lucifer would pick him over revenge against Dean, that Yennefer would not do that, no one would. Istredd is used to be overlooked. "Sorry to be sentimental, but this thing we have? It's everything I wanted for myself." And something no one else could provide him, or wanted to provide him.

[thedevilwhorose]

Something insane happening every few months feels like an understatement.

Every time Lucifer tries to get a foothold he's lost scrambling to whatever else is going wrong and when the dust settles he's just trying to catch his breath. Usually before this place Lucifer was on the other side of that, so maybe it's just... a bit of forced-humbling.

Istredd had talked hundreds of years in longing but that felt more abstract.

Another year is not.

It's funny, with this being everything Istredd wanted, but Lucifer having no concept, no thoughts about it. But just like their bond the thought of being without it is staggering.

What they had was fine, what they had would've kept him functioning and thriving and whatever else.

But comparable to what they gained... to imagine not having it...

Lucifer would argue no one prioritized Istredd because of the fact that he didn't want to risk opening his heart up so it was just a looped cycle of nothing ever going to change, but he does understand--of course he does.

He turns Istredd's hand with his own, an idle gesture. His gaze is sharp in the dark, maybe even sharper than normal, meeting Istredd's.

Lucifer likes to think he prioritizes himself over Istredd, at the very least, but in many ways that wouldn't be true either. Excluding himself in that equation? It's easy. It's simple. It's without thought. "They're fools to not," he says. "You're not someone to be overlooked--and enough people in this world would attest to that." He grins then, wicked and amused and self-assured (for once), the lilt underlining his tone, "I'm just the most important outta them." But don't forget the others, Lucifer will continue to push that.

[magicalarchaeologist]

It is interesting that with the gods, with the Singularity, with all the things that it can do to them, the worst still was manmade. A kidnapping. Experimentation. The attack on Yennefer in Nocwich. Yes the other things feel even more above their heads, powerful and uncontrolled, but somehow it's those happenings that made him feel the most powerless. He's never been good at politics but the people who are still can't get their feet in the power of this place. Yennefer's the closest to the queen and she couldn't do anything to stop her madness.

It's why he is trying to keep the Summoned together as close as possible. It's inevitable that it's them against the world. Humans are like that. At least he's with someone who agrees with him, who is on the same wavelenth and they're working together for a common cause. Lucifer is doing things he doesn't know about, but he still feels like they have the same fundamental interests, and that's important.

It's possible Istredd is as much responsible for his isolation as anyone else. More so. People did try. They weren't the Brotherhood, his fellow mages, which was part of the problem. Outside of Triss. His shouting for their attention never went anywhere. But like here, the people he met on the way tried. It's only here he's tried back.

"It's true. And the people here are far more extraordinary than the ones I knew." He has respect for everyone he's met here. Much like Lucifer, restarting in this place has done wonders. He laughs and nudges Lucifer with his shoulder affectionately, still holding his hand. His eyes are so blue that even in the darkness they can be seen clearly.

"You will always be my favorite." It reminds him of when Lucifer reassured him that no one would ever know him the way Istredd does. He believes it now. "Now that I have you, I'm never letting you go."

[thedevilwhorose]

Lucifer isn't at all surprised by the manmade problems being the worst, but then, he's the one that will continue to see the tarnish of humanity, regardless how far he's come to accept a couple of them.

"They really are," he agrees, because of that small-percentile acceptance. He'll get his hands dirty for those people and it won't be animal blood. Might not even be blood.

"Don't forget that." That Lucifer's his favorite, that Istredd's never letting him go. It should feel like a cage in itself. Trapped. It should be something much worse than anything boundaries or knowing where their independence resides could correct. It doesn't. Not born out of desperation or a need Lucifer didn't realize was there or a fix to all his time alone.

It's just... something that is.

He reaches up with his free hand to flick flecks of drying blood off Istredd that Lucifer had put there much earlier. "Let's go amuse some townsfolk in the square. I still want that drink."

And really, actually, leave these woods.

FINALLY LEAVING THE WOODS wrap lol

[magicalarchaeologist]

"Unforgettable." In a way, it's freedom to Istredd, rather than a box too. Freedom to be himself with someone, to be accepted and seen by someone he admires. To know that someone has his back and believes in him. It's a high like nothing else. And he can only be glad that's a shared feeling.

They're both happy, at least about them. Who would've seen that coming?

He makes a face at the flick but mostly because it means they'll be drying in this blood for awhile. But again, very few things he wouldn't do for the archangel. "And by amuse, you mean terrify."