If the First Army had any idea what could become of their Grisha soldiers if they were given freedom, they might fear that as much as they did them with jurda parem. It made him wonder if that ability was always here, just held back by fear and control and the sort of browbeating that could curb anyone's natural abilities. Look what the Darkling had done uncontrolled. Who would risk such a chance knowing what the price might be?

And while he would have Jesper learn all he could, trusting in not his own control entirely - the mind of an addict after all - but he knew between them they could keep him reined in. Or so he believed.

It's why he didn't want to risk the chance of the Army using him purely as a weapon. Without that balance what might be stripped away from the young gunslinger that they might never recover after the fact?

And it's those fears, words he might never speak and certainly never call them a fear, that held him tight in those moments. Those fears poured into that fierce kiss, emotions he had trouble conveying in words even as he was quickly learning. Such as those first breathless words when the kiss breaks.

"I love you, Jesper Fahey. "I'll hold you to those words, but I offer in return the promise that if it's mine to give you, you'll have it."

Leave it to Kaz to make it a deal, a fair trade between them, but one that means everything to him.