A brother by choice. Not external circumstances they had no say over. While there's nothing wrong with being connected by things outside your control, it just feels different if you deliberately chose to. And they both chose to be this for each other. That one luxury his previous life was so utterly devoid of that he didn't even know how much he was lacking. And now Jayce is gone. With him went a tiny, barely fledgling part of Kell that started to learn to trust, to hope really, he can make lasting choices for himself. Now he's back to his old ways. He's already forgotten that part even existed.
But Jesper is here, and he never ceases to surprise him. Kell stares, eyes wide, then laughs and looks away. How did he say it? Dealer's choice? What that even means? He lifts Kell's hand to his lips and kisses it. Such a small, sweet gesture, but it's enough to draw Kell's eyes back to him even wider now, heart hammering in his chest so loud Kell's sure Jesper can hear it from across the table. So delicate, he can't believe he's the target of it. No one ever treated him like something fragile and precious. Jesper does. It breaks Kell's brain a little every time it happens.
"There. You did it again. I've never been on a date. I don't know how they're supposed to work."
It's not the first time Jesper sees this reaction in him. Given freedom to do as he likes, Kell freezes. He cannot choose when he doesn't know what the choices are. He cannot wish or have a preference for things he never tried to imagine. Without rules he can fight against, someone to drag him places, make decisions he can vocally protest to, but follow along grumbling all the way, he's lost.
Left completely to chose on his own, Kell doesn't know what to do. And it's overwhelming and scary. It's like being raised in the darkness only to be brought to light, faced with an opulent buffet, and left with a task to pick whatever you fancy, when you can't even start figuring out what those new shapes and colours even mean. He'd starve.
"I don't know."
At least he's not trying to fake his way through it. Jesper has seen him like this before in a lot more compromising situation, and he didn't run. He probably won't run now.
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A brother by choice. Not external circumstances they had no say over. While there's nothing wrong with being connected by things outside your control, it just feels different if you deliberately chose to. And they both chose to be this for each other. That one luxury his previous life was so utterly devoid of that he didn't even know how much he was lacking. And now Jayce is gone. With him went a tiny, barely fledgling part of Kell that started to learn to trust, to hope really, he can make lasting choices for himself. Now he's back to his old ways. He's already forgotten that part even existed.
But Jesper is here, and he never ceases to surprise him. Kell stares, eyes wide, then laughs and looks away. How did he say it? Dealer's choice? What that even means? He lifts Kell's hand to his lips and kisses it. Such a small, sweet gesture, but it's enough to draw Kell's eyes back to him even wider now, heart hammering in his chest so loud Kell's sure Jesper can hear it from across the table. So delicate, he can't believe he's the target of it. No one ever treated him like something fragile and precious. Jesper does. It breaks Kell's brain a little every time it happens.
"There. You did it again. I've never been on a date. I don't know how they're supposed to work."
It's not the first time Jesper sees this reaction in him. Given freedom to do as he likes, Kell freezes. He cannot choose when he doesn't know what the choices are. He cannot wish or have a preference for things he never tried to imagine. Without rules he can fight against, someone to drag him places, make decisions he can vocally protest to, but follow along grumbling all the way, he's lost.
Left completely to chose on his own, Kell doesn't know what to do. And it's overwhelming and scary. It's like being raised in the darkness only to be brought to light, faced with an opulent buffet, and left with a task to pick whatever you fancy, when you can't even start figuring out what those new shapes and colours even mean. He'd starve.
"I don't know."
At least he's not trying to fake his way through it. Jesper has seen him like this before in a lot more compromising situation, and he didn't run. He probably won't run now.