He got through it even if it meant he had no choice but to rely on them or no one was getting off that mountain but he trusted them to take care of him. Put him down, if they had to. At least Yennefer could if Istredd wouldn't.
You couldn't talk me out of anything with Jack, that's the whole point. Stem the tide! Istredd probably could have stopped Lucifer from feeling and wouldn't it be nice if that could work without issues of control being involved.
He's a hypocrite. He's always a hypocrite. He's the biggest hypocrite.
He wants his power back, but he doesn't want to lose his connections with people.
He wants his power back, but he also sometimes still wants to shut off all his emotions again because while he's seen a benefit to them they're so often a hindrance and this is a prime example. Why should Istredd have to feel 'really fucking sad' when it just doesn't need to exist?
(He wants people to understand that to appreciate Light you need to have Darkness and it's the same damn concept: to appreciate joy you need to have pain but of course he's just going to fight against that like a caged beast wanting out but don't worry he's fine he's absolutely in control of himself.)
He said once before Istredd shouldn't have to deal with him and that was at the very beginning of the bond and still holds true as far as Lucifer is concerned.
Lucifer's always been meticulous and careful and thought-through dealing with other people's problems, on his own terms, in his own time. He hasn't been so abruptly thrust into the middle of a hailstorm of it and trying to find any orientation.
Of course he's going to sink back to what he knows.
His mind recedes and his head hurts and it has nothing to do with what he did or Istredd and maybe maybe maybe he's not fine he's still so tired.
"I asked you to do it," he says first, and it echoes with a pang in his head. He closes his eyes. Focuses on the pressure from Istredd's forehead. "Not for that same context but it was close enough." Lucifer losing himself. He's not sure Istredd really acted on purpose though and maybe it was just panic. Lucifer still told him to.
He wraps his arms behind Istredd's back, tight, tighter than normal. Pressing, weighted. He doesn't think Istredd's request is enough. Thinks he could do more, should do more, should be powerful enough to shape the world around him. Even if. Even if others just being there for Lucifer has been enough.
But that's the problem.
That's him.
He's not the same as everyone else--he doesn't function the same way--he wasn't made for this--
What does it matter to remind Istredd what's here when it turns out he doesn't have any choice when memories just swan-dive to him? When despite any life they build has a chance to go head to head with the literal future? There's only bad ahead for Lucifer. That doesn't mean that's the same for whatever destruction Istredd just experienced.
But sometimes. Sometimes he can follow basic instructions.
His voice is weaker than by any rights it should be. That must mean he'll remind Istredd of himself, and the kids, and Yennefer, and the tantalizing temptation of Hayle, and his books, and the Singularity.
What comes out: "Well, nothing's on fire here."
Okay. Sometimes he can follow basic instructions but clearly not right now.
gross sobbing I'm Sorry
It was fine.
He got through it even if it meant he had no choice but to rely on them or no one was getting off that mountain but he trusted them to take care of him. Put him down, if they had to. At least Yennefer could if Istredd wouldn't.
You couldn't talk me out of anything with Jack, that's the whole point. Stem the tide! Istredd probably could have stopped Lucifer from feeling and wouldn't it be nice if that could work without issues of control being involved.
He's a hypocrite. He's always a hypocrite. He's the biggest hypocrite.
He wants his power back, but he doesn't want to lose his connections with people.
He wants his power back, but he also sometimes still wants to shut off all his emotions again because while he's seen a benefit to them they're so often a hindrance and this is a prime example. Why should Istredd have to feel 'really fucking sad' when it just doesn't need to exist?
(He wants people to understand that to appreciate Light you need to have Darkness and it's the same damn concept: to appreciate joy you need to have pain but of course he's just going to fight against that like a caged beast wanting out but don't worry he's fine he's absolutely in control of himself.)
He said once before Istredd shouldn't have to deal with him and that was at the very beginning of the bond and still holds true as far as Lucifer is concerned.
Lucifer's always been meticulous and careful and thought-through dealing with other people's problems, on his own terms, in his own time. He hasn't been so abruptly thrust into the middle of a hailstorm of it and trying to find any orientation.
Of course he's going to sink back to what he knows.
His mind recedes and his head hurts and it has nothing to do with what he did or Istredd and maybe maybe maybe he's not fine he's still so tired.
"I asked you to do it," he says first, and it echoes with a pang in his head. He closes his eyes. Focuses on the pressure from Istredd's forehead. "Not for that same context but it was close enough." Lucifer losing himself. He's not sure Istredd really acted on purpose though and maybe it was just panic. Lucifer still told him to.
He wraps his arms behind Istredd's back, tight, tighter than normal. Pressing, weighted. He doesn't think Istredd's request is enough. Thinks he could do more, should do more, should be powerful enough to shape the world around him. Even if. Even if others just being there for Lucifer has been enough.
But that's the problem.
That's him.
He's not the same as everyone else--he doesn't function the same way--he wasn't made for this--
What does it matter to remind Istredd what's here when it turns out he doesn't have any choice when memories just swan-dive to him? When despite any life they build has a chance to go head to head with the literal future? There's only bad ahead for Lucifer. That doesn't mean that's the same for whatever destruction Istredd just experienced.
But sometimes. Sometimes he can follow basic instructions.
His voice is weaker than by any rights it should be. That must mean he'll remind Istredd of himself, and the kids, and Yennefer, and the tantalizing temptation of Hayle, and his books, and the Singularity.
What comes out: "Well, nothing's on fire here."
Okay. Sometimes he can follow basic instructions but clearly not right now.