Istredd may be stronger than people think, than even they thought post-kidnapping, but he doesn't think he's the kind of person who will do well after torture. And he'll try to fight since giving Vilgefortz the key to that book would be a disaster, and Istredd wouldn't want to live with the guilt of being too soft. He wouldn't be the same after torture. He wouldn't be the same after killing freely. He killed in the battle and he doesn't regret that, not now.
"They weren't all bad people. But the best of them does seem to have gotten out with Yenna, a small handful." Maybe it's like when Lucifer refers to most humans being bad, with a few shining exceptions. The survivors were their class. Stepping up.
"Although a few of them did put me in chains so I haven't forgiven them yet." Fucking Sabrina of all people. He may hold that grudge a little longer. She danced with him the night before, smiling as she dragged him out, knowing what she'd do soon.
Istredd curls back against Lucifer by instinct and he feels better the moment he follows his instruction. Those casual touches are all meaningful. He leans back into him, seeking the comfort he demanded and getting it. He's not sorry. Lucifer is better at this than he thinks, he just doesn't have a lot of practice.
He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, a little ragged, emotional. Intellectually he disagrees and they both know that. He's glad he isn't looking at him because there may be tears stinging at the corners. Istredd has only thrived because Lucifer sees and values him.
"Just for tonight, I'm going to be selfish, and glad." Istredd has to be reasonable but right then, he is feeling too many emotions to be his logical good self. He wants to imagine someone ripping apart reality and space to cling to him, to sarifice everything for him. The just for tonight is to underline he can't always admit to this feeling ... but he may always feel it, a little bit.
The worst part is next and he pauses before continuing.
"For all my talk about putting the big picture first, I'd want to do the same. You're the beat of my heart, Lucifer."
found a little error while re-reading
"They weren't all bad people. But the best of them does seem to have gotten out with Yenna, a small handful." Maybe it's like when Lucifer refers to most humans being bad, with a few shining exceptions. The survivors were their class. Stepping up.
"Although a few of them did put me in chains so I haven't forgiven them yet." Fucking Sabrina of all people. He may hold that grudge a little longer. She danced with him the night before, smiling as she dragged him out, knowing what she'd do soon.
Istredd curls back against Lucifer by instinct and he feels better the moment he follows his instruction. Those casual touches are all meaningful. He leans back into him, seeking the comfort he demanded and getting it. He's not sorry. Lucifer is better at this than he thinks, he just doesn't have a lot of practice.
He sucks in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, a little ragged, emotional. Intellectually he disagrees and they both know that. He's glad he isn't looking at him because there may be tears stinging at the corners. Istredd has only thrived because Lucifer sees and values him.
"Just for tonight, I'm going to be selfish, and glad." Istredd has to be reasonable but right then, he is feeling too many emotions to be his logical good self. He wants to imagine someone ripping apart reality and space to cling to him, to sarifice everything for him. The just for tonight is to underline he can't always admit to this feeling ... but he may always feel it, a little bit.
The worst part is next and he pauses before continuing.
"For all my talk about putting the big picture first, I'd want to do the same. You're the beat of my heart, Lucifer."