abraxaslogs | The elves created secret passages everywhere

"I unfortunately was there. I saw my people die and Thanedd burn before I was captured by the enemy, and that was the last I knew. Yenna told me how few of us survived." Istredd can't control how raw his voice sounds when he says all of that, the summary of what happened, what he experienced and what he knows now. It's not even all of it, considering who he's being held by, and there being no hope for him.

He takes a sharp breath in and lets it out, patting Kyle's hand on his shoulder. Clearly he's not as in control of his emotions as he'd like to be and he's been distracting himself instead of dealing with it. The organized madness of his plotting for the town hall is proof of that.

"No. It's only been a few days. It was very bad timing, so soon after the rifts. Lucifer lost control when we hunted down a beast I needed, I didn't know it had a Devil arcana." So maybe he blames himself for that, after how it messed Lucifer up. Their minds were still weak and reeling from that, only for him to get a nightmare from home.

Not a great week.

Kahlil gives Istredd's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Maybe that is something you and her should do, together. Something to make time for."

Without any context he can't guess if Yennefer already knew this future, or if the Singularity chose to give them both visions at the same time. Either way, it must be a good thing to have each other right now. From what he knows of both of them, though, he imagines making time for themselves like that is something that will continue to be shoved to the bottom of the to-do list. Not that he can talk.

He takes the information about Lucifer and the Arcana, lets it go without further comment. Whatever lost control means, it's over and done without anyone dead or dismembered, so - there's that.

"We are, in our way." They talked through their memories and they have each other to lean on, when the days feel bad, and Istredd has sought her out more than once. Sometimes only to hold her, or remind each other that they're there. It feels like it's bits and pieces, adjusting to the end of what they know.

Istredd is so tired all of a sudden and he creates chair so he can simply sit down and try not to look at the many words on his boards for a few seconds. Stop for five seconds, would it kill him? Kyle can make a chair if he wants to do the same, but he feels winded, like the effort finally caught up to him. And it requires a lot of mental effort to do what he's doing in here.

"The hardest part I think is when you love and hate where you come from. I always had a lot of disdain for the Brotherhood, and for Stregobor, but they still were ... a part of me." His family/organization, his mentor. They raised him, and while it was very messed up, the way that they did, what he went through to survive, it doesn't change that it's his experience.

Stregobor he's spoken about before in terms of the mentor who was a bad person, but now he's dead, and that is something Istredd is in no way used to yet.

While he's capable of making his own chair, Kahlil seems comfortable to perch on a desk as he listens to Istredd speak more of his upbringing.

"I love my god. I will always serve Him. It... took a long time to untangle that love from the church itself. The men who taught me. And they've been gone for some years now."

He hopes it will be easier for Istredd, especially since he has someone here who lived his past with him. Kahlil idly scratches at the underside of the desk where his fingers are curled, but he keeps his focus on Istredd.

"I think it will always be a part of me. But I don't want that to mean they hold power over me anymore."

His mistakes, his choices, everything is his own now. The thought used to make him feel untethered. Sometimes, it still does. More often than not, though, he hardly thinks about it at all. And that is probably a good thing.

"What they did to us ...." Istredd sighs, rubbing a hand across his brow. "It was abusive. Brainwashing, manipulation, cruelty, control, kidnapping, of children. Yet I keep thinking it was necessary too." When he said that to Lucifer, getting defensive of the Brotherhood in a way that was completely irrational. It's unhealthy, he doesn't know when that mindset will end. "But Yenna's taken over now, with the older group dead, and I don't know, I hope the cycle can break."

But he doesn't sound certain. It's hard to change what you're taught. They will have no eels and hopefully learn loyalty through love, not through threats. It is hard not to think that there was a time probably none of them thought they'd hurt the next generation the same way. It always came back. It's not a lack of faith in her, it's a lack of faith in any of them to break free of long-lived habits.

The thing is Istredd had no god to love, he had nothing to love at all. Until now, until here.

"I won't be there to help her," he says quietly, sitting back in the chair and looking up at the ceiling. It's beautiful, like everything in his domain. "I was captured by the enemy, and it wasn't looking good. I probably have a lot of torture in my future, and no hope of rescue, so that's ... I don't know. I know it's wiser to live in the now, but the now became this." With his memories.

Edited 2023-09-27 19:46 (UTC)

Istredd looks up at the ceiling while Kahlil continues to focus on him and him alone. One of the strange cats jumps on the desk next to him, curling its tail along his arm as it slinks behind his back, leaning in for attention.

"She's a harsh teacher. But a good one."

If that will reflect at all in their future. He hopes so, at least. From where he stands he can't truly say if what he personally went through was necessary - only Parfir can answer that - let alone what Istredd and his fellow child mages suffered in their training, the brutal consequences of failure. He doesn't think any child deserves that - the threat of death, or worse, from those they are supposed to trust. It can't be the only way. It's what Kahlil realized when he first started teaching Wilhelm.

His brows furrows slightly as he takes in the next thing that Istredd explains, understanding coloring his expression again, but this time a little sad.

"I'm sorry, Istredd." There are quite a few of them who have little or nothing left for them in their own worlds, maybe only death. Kahlil is no different. To a certain degree, he's accepted his own fate. When it comes to others, it's more difficult.

And then there's Viktor.

He wonders how Lucifer has taken this news. Things have been slowly shifting with the devil for the better part of a year now, at the very least. There are ways that his relationship with Istredd almost makes him seem more stable. But they learned how quickly that could change, should anything happen to his lover.

"I already knew that I wanted to stay here, but I think there was a safety net too, believing that going back was still not the worst option." Istredd prefers this world, with these people, and he's made no secret of it. He's been working to find some kind of way to anchor them here, and before now it was for Lucifer, for Wanda, for people who couldn't go back. They were priority and then him. Now he has to be on that list.

"I've talked to Lucifer about what I want, or really, what I don't want, if I am sent away." Kyle can probably guess at what Istredd means by that, considering they both are aware of the danger Lucifer presents to others. Kyle from personal experience. "But love is a dangerous emotion. It doesn't give a shit what reasonable things we've said to each other." Istredd is using we intentionally, as he's assured Lucifer before, he's never implied only one of them could become unstable.

He sighs and looks at Kyle, focusing. "I don't ... think I know what's awaiting you back home. If you have nothing like him or ... I guess nothing like me too." It seems like a thing he should know, but people are private. Kyle's told him things in bits and pieces, and Istredd's always been grateful to get to know him. This is the first time he's been direct and asked rather than waited for the other person to open up.

Kahlil realized a long time ago that it may fall to him to at least stand in Lucifer's way - for however long he can manage - in the worst case scenario of something more permanent happening to Istredd. He's spent far more time thinking about the best way to ambush and neutralize him than Istredd would be comfortable with - that Kahlil is comfortable with at this point. But, it's what he is, and how he can best protect the people here.

"I was dying when I arrived here. In my own world, the wound is fatal." He has avoided telling most people this - not wanting to upset them or worse, have them feel sorry for him, but with Istredd's admission of his own fate, it doesn't matter so much, he thinks. Even his tone seems ambivalent, and he shrugs. At least he has certainty.

"I have nothing worth going back to in Basawar. I believe my god needs me here."

If Parfir needed him alive in Basawar, if Jath'ibaye somehow wanted him back, then it would be different.

Istredd isn't surprised. Kyle carries himself like the kind of person who has nothing to go back to. He's noticed the differences with people here, the ones who are eager to get back, versus the ones who prefer it. He's surprised the people in charge don't only capture those who are forced to make this their only life, it's one way to guarantee some skin in the game. But he's suspected for awhile they have no ability to actually control who comes.

"What do you think he needs you to do here?" Istredd hasn't poked that hard at the religion aspect of Kyle because he knows it is deeply felt and he respects it. No one can judge religions with actual gods running around this place, in his opinion, and he's dating an angel. He may not really believe in anything himself, but he recognizes what is real.

He's genuinely curious. These are the types of things he hasn't asked but he wanted to. It takes him a little while before he feels comfortable enough with someone to ask them the hard questions, not simply accept what they say. But he and Kyle are close enough for him to be annoying.

Kahlil is used to others dismissing his fanaticism. In most cases, it doesn't bother him very much. No single person's lack of faith could alter his, and he has no expectation that they should follow his beliefs anyway. He is, in a way, possessive of that belief.

"Protect the Singularity," he answers, as though this is a simple task.

"I'm bound to my god in a way that lets me sense where he is - when I seek out that thread now, it points to the Singularity."

It is nothing like the connections that others possess to the Singularity, and he has heard that some others with magical tethers have found them altered in a similar way. Kahlil chooses to believe this is his god's will, though, working through the Singularity.

Istredd can't exactly doubt or diminish religion considering the gods are real here. And he knows that Lucifer's god is real too, so there is no reason to doubt Kyle or his genuine devotion. It's strange to him but that's because he never had any faith of his own. He had faith in his work and vaguely with the Brotherhood, and the latter is gone now. It's only him and the Singularity here. And his friends.

"I'm glad it is, if only because if it was the opposite, we'd be in the kind of conflict that's hard to get out of."

Istredd doubts they would be as close as they are if they did start out with that conflict. It is important to him that all his close friends believe in the same thing regarding the Singularity, it is his priority. The Singularity and the Summoned are top of his list. He tries not to make conflict with others and has yet to meet someone very anti-Singularity at least.

"Before the real fight started at Thanedd, my own classmates put me in chains, I've never been more confused in my life. I'm not sure I'd call all of us friends, but we were familial." It is his only family, his only home, etc., before coming here. "They were mostly trying to keep us out of their way, but I really don't like fighting with people, let alone my rare friends."

He really is ticked off at Sabrina. If he saw her now he would give her a piece of his mind for long enough that she would regret it, that's for certain.

It's true, there are few if any Summoned who are openly wish for something as extreme as what the Free Cities wants: the destruction of the Singularity. But the dangerous people among them, Kahlil thinks, are those who seek to use the Singularity. Who are too proud to see the danger their work might pose.

"Maybe they were trying to protect you, in their own way." He shrugs with this, not really convinced of his own words one way or another. He doesn't know these people, but it sounds akin to living in a viper's nest. And he was strongly disliked by most of the other priests and ushiri'im, so... his view on all this may be a bit skewed.

Maybe they didn't appreciate Istredd there. Here, he is.

Istredd hesitates and since it's Kyle, he does give it a moment of consideration. He could be right. They did claim they were trying to keep them out of the way to deal with Vilgefortz. He can't imagine what they planned on doing with them once they handled him.

"Possibly." He's going to give that some leeway if he does see Sabrina again. Just a tiny bit. "Enough about my drama, could you check over my notes?"

The elves created secret passages everywhere

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wrap this up for the event?

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