[ Trying as he is to hold things together the best way he knows how, it's impossible to not feel a painful twinge in his chest when Hilda surrenders. That first word from her feels like it brushes up too much against what he doesn't want to happen, which is both of them placing too much weight on her for it to be truly her decision. At the same time, he can recognize - now - the value of how this started with those false pretenses of coming to hang out. If it hadn't happened, would they have had any of this talk at all?
Claude reaches to place a hand on Hilda's waist with a tentative touch, something meant to be an anchor beyond words alone though he's unsure how welcome it actually is as she continues on and what she says following the mention of rules causes him to go still. There's a logic in what she says that's rooted in pain so deep it echoes throughout every word. What was a twinge before is an outright ache now as he holds onto her and listens before glancing up in time to catch that look on Sylvain's face like the world had just dropped out from beneath the other man's feet. With his one hand still on Hilda's waist as if to say this isn't a signal to get up either, he leans forward to grab Sylvain's wrist with his other hand to prevent either of them from going anywhere with a firmness that isn't meant to be unkind. ]
There's one part of that I'm not going to agree to. Hilda, you and I don't get to ask Sylvain to stop seeing Jesper. Otherwise, he should be the one to stop seeing us because he's been with Jesper for longer. That's something that you and I are going to have to learn to handle on our own. You're more than allowed to feel whatever you do about their relationship and it's also entirely unfair to ask him to do that. Both of those things can be true at the same time, and no one's asking you to be soft or kind about it or anything else either.
I meant it about having to find something that works for all of us, so setting rules is a good way to go about that and we absolutely should. But what isn't going to be a good idea is something which doesn't involve some level of compromise when working on this together means finding what will work without breaking anyone's heart.
[ Because that much Claude feels confident in saying it would do to Sylvain even if the man in question can't seem to bring himself to say it (aloud) and while in the same breath he's trying to not break Hilda's. There's compromises to find that will work, he's certain of it, rather than drawing such stark lines without any bend to them. They just have to look for them first. ]
Never talking about what anyone else is doing is also a good way to feed into distrust and resentment, and none of us are immune to those feelings. Even if honesty is painful, we owe that much to each other from here on. There's no one else I'm seeing right now but if that did somehow change in the future, I would tell both of you about it because hiding it would be a lot worse. And though it probably goes without saying, I still want to make it clear I would hope that you would both do the same for me.
So the rules I'm proposing as an alternative are this: Sylvain keeps seeing Jesper. Same for you with Alucard, Hilda, because I'm not going to tell you to stop doing anything that makes you happy either. Though along with that, I think it'd be fair to also put out there anyone's allowed at any time to say they'd rather not hear details about anyone else's relationships outside of ours. Same for if they would rather not be around that at somewhere like the inn or here at the loft while we do try this. And then most importantly, whatever rules we set now whether it's these or something else don't have to last forever, but they also don't ever get to be changed without all of us talking about them first. That's just a start to us discussing this, so how does that sound so far?
[ It is just a start and nothing more, and certainly nothing immediately decisive: they still have more to cover and will beyond this one conversation. They won't think of everything at this time, but leaving the door always open to talk? That part might feel like something not negotiable in Claude's mind, but it's important to hear their thoughts on that too and whether they disagree. ]
no subject
Claude reaches to place a hand on Hilda's waist with a tentative touch, something meant to be an anchor beyond words alone though he's unsure how welcome it actually is as she continues on and what she says following the mention of rules causes him to go still. There's a logic in what she says that's rooted in pain so deep it echoes throughout every word. What was a twinge before is an outright ache now as he holds onto her and listens before glancing up in time to catch that look on Sylvain's face like the world had just dropped out from beneath the other man's feet. With his one hand still on Hilda's waist as if to say this isn't a signal to get up either, he leans forward to grab Sylvain's wrist with his other hand to prevent either of them from going anywhere with a firmness that isn't meant to be unkind. ]
There's one part of that I'm not going to agree to. Hilda, you and I don't get to ask Sylvain to stop seeing Jesper. Otherwise, he should be the one to stop seeing us because he's been with Jesper for longer. That's something that you and I are going to have to learn to handle on our own. You're more than allowed to feel whatever you do about their relationship and it's also entirely unfair to ask him to do that. Both of those things can be true at the same time, and no one's asking you to be soft or kind about it or anything else either.
I meant it about having to find something that works for all of us, so setting rules is a good way to go about that and we absolutely should. But what isn't going to be a good idea is something which doesn't involve some level of compromise when working on this together means finding what will work without breaking anyone's heart.
[ Because that much Claude feels confident in saying it would do to Sylvain even if the man in question can't seem to bring himself to say it (aloud) and while in the same breath he's trying to not break Hilda's. There's compromises to find that will work, he's certain of it, rather than drawing such stark lines without any bend to them. They just have to look for them first. ]
Never talking about what anyone else is doing is also a good way to feed into distrust and resentment, and none of us are immune to those feelings. Even if honesty is painful, we owe that much to each other from here on. There's no one else I'm seeing right now but if that did somehow change in the future, I would tell both of you about it because hiding it would be a lot worse. And though it probably goes without saying, I still want to make it clear I would hope that you would both do the same for me.
So the rules I'm proposing as an alternative are this: Sylvain keeps seeing Jesper. Same for you with Alucard, Hilda, because I'm not going to tell you to stop doing anything that makes you happy either. Though along with that, I think it'd be fair to also put out there anyone's allowed at any time to say they'd rather not hear details about anyone else's relationships outside of ours. Same for if they would rather not be around that at somewhere like the inn or here at the loft while we do try this. And then most importantly, whatever rules we set now whether it's these or something else don't have to last forever, but they also don't ever get to be changed without all of us talking about them first. That's just a start to us discussing this, so how does that sound so far?
[ It is just a start and nothing more, and certainly nothing immediately decisive: they still have more to cover and will beyond this one conversation. They won't think of everything at this time, but leaving the door always open to talk? That part might feel like something not negotiable in Claude's mind, but it's important to hear their thoughts on that too and whether they disagree. ]