abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

Entry tags:

[ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

Who: Claude and various
When: September, October, November
Where: Cadens, Libertas, the Horizon
What: Catch all
Warnings: None currently, will add/mark as needed

( Closed starters below. Find me at

indech, on Discord, or by PM at any time to plot something! )

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Sylvain's good at entertaining himself. I'm sure he'll be fine doing whatever it is he's up to right now.

[ Because that feels like the best place to start, unsure as he is why that'd be something she'd suggest when the whole point of this day was - well, to spend time with her. He'd organized it around that with the careful choosing of what to do, not that Hilda necessarily knew that piece while he'd moved them from one to another seamlessly in the background as usual though she likely suspects it, but maybe this is her way of saying she'd rather go home. Claude's going to arch an eyebrow like there's something suspicious about this even if it's to fully play along or to tease (or both). ]

I wasn't planning on getting my well thought out revenge regarding any mud baths, if that's what you're thinking. And besides, who else would I go to the spa with?

[ Sylvain's likely the unspoken option there, too, but: they both remember how that turned out even before they'd had to practically shove him into enjoying the - one partial treatment they'd gotten to before everything went off the rails. All the more reason to not dwell on this, or that, or any of it, and Claude simply starts to walk towards the spa's front doors like it's their next destination. Or maybe just his; that part seems to still be undecided. ]

But if you're saying I should enjoy whatever this luxury package is all by myself instead...

[ That comes with a smirk cast back in her direction over his shoulder for good measure, of course. ]

Edited 2023-09-20 16:25 (UTC)

You're right - he's probably celebrating that he's finally got some peace and quiet.

[ It isn't a stretch of the imagination for her to imagine Sylvain saying that the small collection of pets that they've collected are far less chaotic than she and Claude combined. He's not entirely wrong about that either. Or at least they had been when they were closer than they were now. It should come as no surprise to Claude (or maybe it would unbeknownst to her) that because their friendship was in repair there was an over abundance of caution in her interactions with him. The last thing Hilda wanted was to do something that would cause it to unravel again.

Their forced time together had been useful in many ways but now that she could walk again, albeit at a slower pace than usual, the likelihood of her panicking and walking away had increased tenfold. A spa invitation on its own is thankfully not enough to incite that particular reaction. Not yet at least.

Sylvain's name of course hangs in the air in response to Claude's question. If there's anyone who deserves a proper do over of the spa, it was him. But she would leave that planning to Claude. As soon as Claude begins to move though, Hilda hesitates. It's not until he casts a smirk over his shoulder that she puffs up her cheeks and begins to follow suit. ]

Well you didn't say it was a luxury package. I can't just let that go to waste.

[ This is a spa she's never been to before and like Aquila, it's nothing short of luxurious. The faint smell of eucalyptus in the air, and the marble floors are polished to the point where Hilda swears that she can see their reflections in them. She almost feels bad for stepping inside with her dusty boots on. ]

[ There's a mock offended scoff at that, and then - ] As if I'd book anything but the luxury package! I know better than that.

[ It's possible the argument could be made it's also because Claude would rather not do anything less than the luxury level himself, especially since that'd be an accurate statement on any day of the week. This particular day is something he's chosen with Hilda in mind where using it as a way to bribe her into going to the spa is so very far down on the list of reasons she should go, but when she agrees and he hears familiar footsteps behind him it's difficult to not smile to himself.

The smile dissipates a bit when they enter the spa and the impression it'd made before was no less striking than it'd been the first time he walked in to make the appointment. Claude might also be sneaking a glance Hilda's direction to seek out her reaction and whether this choice was a success before a friendly attendant asks for his name to confirm the reservation. It takes but a second for them to flip through the ledger and find the matching information, and with a smile they lead the two of them towards the dressing room area to store their bags and get changed - and not without a final wish for enjoying the couples' treatments as their sessions have been upgraded even further for free thanks to an opening in the schedule. ]

The what? I--

[ Too late because they're already gone, and Claude's left staring at their retreating back before looking to Hilda again. Couples' treatments - he doesn't think he needs to repeat that aloud when there was no way to miss the attendant saying this with how quiet it is in the spa.

Well - ]

Well - maybe that's just a term for... two people who come to the same appointment.

[ That's a possibility, right? Right? Even Claude can't really put more into this than a weak hope for it while he's rummaging back in his mind to remember what, exactly, had gone into making this appointment. Maybe it's for the best if they just get changed and deal with it from there. ]

[ This level of luxury is the sort of thing that Hilda is used to and would frankly expect back home. Whatever Fodlan's equivalent of this would have been is also something that she would have expected Claude to bring her too and she wouldn't have so much as batted an eyelash at it. But after being here for almost a year now, some things in Hilda's life had changed: specifically that of her wallet, her expectations and her relationship with Claude.

There's a surprised expression on her face along with a flush of restrained happiness on her cheeks. Whatever expression had been there before is rearranged into something less mouth gapey and normal once as they're greeted and Claude takes care of their check-in. If the way her eyes flit about the space taking everything in is any indication however there's still an air of surprise about her. She still isn't entirely convinced he didn't plan this for he and Sylvain and that the only reason they're here together because Sylvain couldn't make it for whatever reason.

Hilda's not so preoccupied with her admiration of the space around them not to hear what the attendant says however. Her gaze immediately snaps away from the mosaic light fixture towards the now closed door. The what? Hilda's gaze is slow to turn towards Claude as she searches his expression. This is a joke right? Some sort of elaborate prank that he's gotten the attendants in on and there's a punchline coming any moment now? But no, that's Claude's genuine look of being caught off guard. Okay, not a joke then.

Maybe her hunch had been right. That doesn't stop her from being mildly flustered though. ]

Right.

[ Her voice is an octave higher than she intends it to be. Quickly she clears her throat. It's back to her normal tone but there's definitely more wryness than there was before. ]

You know if you really had meant to come here with Sylvain, he can probably get here pretty quickly if we just send him a message now.

If you're trying to say you want Sylvain to come then go ahead and invite him, but he wasn't part of my plans for today.

[ A truth even if it comes with revealing that he did have plans despite playing this (somewhat) casually, but Claude thinks the attendant's already blown whatever cover might've been over that already. He's still puzzling over what exactly couples' treatments means - or why an upgrade when he'd mentioned there'd be two people attending today, and because of that his answer is a little more distracted than it'd normally be.

They're here, though, and there's rooms waiting for them so - time to make whatever this will be of it since maybe it's just another way of saying it's added luxury. They'll find out soon enough, and maybe that'll bring back the expression on her face that'd been there before when there'd been no mistaking the pleasure shining there brightly which had made him feel like this was a good idea.

It still is in his mind, even if this might become a three person event, so Claude helpfully rustles the packages in his hand before heading off towards the changing area with a wide grin like there's absolutely nothing out of the ordinary here. ]

I'll race you to see who can get changed first since that might mean you get to choose whatever's waiting in the next room.

[ It won't be much of a race since he'll take his time with the excuse of needing to make sure all her purchases are stacked up nicely so they don't get damaged while they're enjoying themselves. The enjoyment part is to be determined, but - if nothing else, he can make sure Hilda enjoys herself by offering up this one choice of many. ]

[ Such conviction should be met with a racing heart or a flattered giggle because anyone hearing they’re the object of attention from someone that they have feelings for is exactly the sort of thing you’d hope to hear. A younger her would have simpered, but Hilda is far too conditioned and convinced to be anything but a good friend now. Claude’s statement is immediately shot down by a small voice saying that while Sylvain isn’t in his plans today, he’ll take up the majority of them after this which as it should be.

Her mind is so focused on that and trying to bail out as much water out of her little boat as she can before she sinks into bitterness again that she glosses over the fact that he had admitted to having more plans and what that could possibly mean. Claude’s cheeky grin and rustling of things meant for he and Sylvain pull her from her thoughts and something similar to exasperation flits across her features. ]

What? No, I’m trying to say that he should be here instead of me -

[ And before she can say anything else he’s already walking away, the rustling of her purchases meant to drown out whatever protest she might have come up with. Hilda watches him incredulously a moment longer before huffing and stalking off to her changing area. Age old habits of refusing to step down from a challenge issued by Claude rear their head, and she changes quickly despite the number of layers she’s got on compared to him.

Minutes later she emerges back in the waiting room, a plush robe wrapped around her body and her hair rearranged into a tight bun atop her head. She hadn’t accounted for possibly getting her hair dirty today and had washed it the night prior as a result. There’s an attendant there waiting to take them to their treatment but no matter how hard Hilda tries to get hints about what’s to come, they’re pleasant but tight lipped, saying that her partner had said it was going to be a surprise and that they should wait for him to come out.

Hilda is spluttering just in time for Claude’s actual emergence back into the waiting area. ]

Partner? Oh no, he’s my - we’re just friends. Roommates really.

[ Even in his attempt to stall, it doesn't take too long for Claude to change. His clothes are tucked away somewhat haphazardly as usual even with the ways to hang them up, given that his focus is more on stacking the purchases up to make sure they don't topple over while they're busy. And if it's a way to stall slightly while still absorbing whatever it is this reservation he'd thought was simple enough upon making it has turned into now with something even more elaborate, well. That's between him and the changing room.

Until he steps out wrapped in his own robe what with this feeling uncomfortably familiar to their last spa excursion between that and the uncertainty, but the latter's something he swallows back to stay unseen at the sound of Hilda's quick clarification. ]

Ouch, I don't even get the honor of being a partner in crime? I see how it is.

[ He's well aware that isn't the sort of partner being discussed right now, given both the clarifications offered to the term in the first place, but it's easy enough to do what he's always done: interject something smoothly into the conversation to steer it back to something else. Even if this is really more like something adjacent than something else since it's yet another use of a word - a label - neither of them have ever discussed beyond the partner in crime part after things had evolved into the stasis they seem to have continued on in.

Something that'll continue, Claude thinks, until Hilda says what she was going to on the rooftop and whatever that something said might be and so he offers her a smile first before one to the attendant next. They're led to a room for the first treatment with some of the other services to come lightly explained, but this first one? A long soak meant for relaxation and plenty of bonding time before proceeding, right inside the one rather oversized and large soaking tub meant to be shared rather than individual ones like he'd mistakenly assumed.

He's still listening as the attendant explains what all the soak is meant for, but Claude's also watching Hilda from the corner of his eye to see whether this is something she actually does want to do or whether it'd be best if some other arrangement was found. ]

[ At the sound of Claude's voice, colour joins Hilda's already embarrassed expression. She's never been so glad to be facing the attendant. Except that thought is quickly retracted upon seeing a familiar glint of knowing laughter in their eyes. For some reason a stranger's silent teasing is more intimidating to face head on than the teasing of someone she knows intimately well. What she hopes looks more akin to incredulousness is arranged on her face as she spins to face Claude. Her arms fold defensively across her chest. ]

I'm trying to make a good impression. I'd like to come back here at some point and people thinking we're trouble makers won't help that, will it?

[ The snippy protest doesn't have the heat that her words imply - the pink of her cheeks betray her, especially when she's given a smile in return. Labels for their relationship had never been said with any level of seriousness. If there was anything it was always light as air, Thankfully the attendant seems to find it endearing and ushers them into the next room before she has another opportunity to put her foot in her mouth.

She should have expected some kind of soak if the other spa visits in Abraxas had been any indication. But being faced with the shared tub has her putting a conscious effort into looking totally unbothered about it mostly because she can sense Claude's eyes watching her from where she stands. It's just a shared tub. What's so terrifying about that? It's why she had packed the bathing suit from their Aquila beach trip. There was no way she was about to step into a bathing area with Claude naked when she had been trying to keep to the carefully drawn lines they were reestablishing.

By the time the attendant leaves Hilda has steeled herself and is quick to hang up her robe with an efficiency and quickness that isn't usual for her. The less she had to look at Claude while doing this or think about the new myriad of scars that now marred her body the better. Sinking into the warm, fragrant water almost makes all of that fade away though. ]

I missed the spa. Good thinking, Claude. I'm sorry I doubted you.

[ That gets nothing but a grin from him from a variety of factors: the flush on her face he recognizes well from any number of times before, the attendant's silent mirth, the look Hilda gives him when she turns to face him which has one corner of his mouth twitching with valiantly held back laughter. It hardly helps considering Claude knows she'll see it for what it is, but instead he just nods very seriously at her answer like he has Deep Concern over whether they're about to be banned from this particular spa before anything even starts.

The soak is ready and as the attendant leaves he offers them a quick thanks before they depart, and then: it's just the two of them.

He's hardly turned around before Hilda's already placed her robe aside to climb into the tub though Claude immediately averts his gaze down to undoing the belt of his own robe. Even if her speed in undressing and getting settled into the water hadn't been enough of a clue to do so, there's still too much distance between them for that to feel like anything as casual as it once was. Instead he slides off his robe to drape it over a chair nearby and steps into the water, having worn his swimsuit for the same reasons going unsaid. ]

I do know a few things here and there, you know.

[ Said with some level of mock offense for the sake of joking since it's said without anything behind it as he steps into the pleasantly warm water, taking a seat the other end of the tub from where Hilda is to give her space as he sinks down into the water with a barely audible groan of relief. The twinge in his back that's been bothering him off and on for a few days doesn't stand a chance against this loosening it up, which only buoys his hopes a bit more the same can be said for anything bothering Hilda. Absently he leans the back of his head against the edge of the tub while sinking a bit lower and considering her for a moment before speaking again with slivers of delight tracing their way into his voice over this being something she'll enjoy. ]

Should I take that to mean if I suggest we end all outings with a trip to a new spa each time you'd agree that's an equally good idea as this one?

[ Letting her eyes close Hilda wastes no time settling into the tub and focusing on relaxing. Not that she had been tense before. The day had gone well and all the things that she claims not to have worried about didn't arise. This was a perfectly normal outing between two friends - one who used to have feelings for the other and one who currently did. And the "perfectly normal" also includes the baffling couple spa package that they had walked themselves into. There's nothing odd or out of the ordinary about that. Scenarios like this happen all the time.

As for her eyes closing, well. She tells herself it's to give Claude privacy as he disrobes and steps into the tub because why would it have anything to do with dispelling the intrusive voice telling her to take a peek at him as he does? The answer: it wouldn't and it doesn't. This is a perfectly platonic soak with a friend who happens to be a roomate. His mock offence is like a siren's call however and she can't help but peel an eye open to give him a skeptical, but equally joking, look.

The unmistakable delight in his voice gives her pause and her previous thought from before surfaces: surely all of this hadn't been on purpose. The evidence laid out from before including the surprise on his face when the attendants had said this was a couples package proved as much. Platonic, she tells herself. This is all purely platonic. It's no different than the delight she feels when she's stumbled upon something that a friend enjoys. ]

We had this conversation before - I can only give you so many compliments at a time. And by my count we're already up to three or four. [ Any illusion of skepticism is dashed by the lift of her lips. ] But I suppose I wouldn't complain. We might just have to avoid the couples packages from here on out unless we get some kind of free gift with it though.

If we're only at three or four then that means there's probably more compliments yet. What was the upper limit you'd said that one time, ten? See, plenty of room left.

[ He's making that up. There probably was a limit Hilda mentioned at one point, Claude's positive, but did he retain it? Of course not. That would've meant giving up on wheedling whatever added compliments out of her he could have then, not to mention what he's attempting to do here now, even if it'd likely also been by virtue of annoying them out of her.

The thought of it has him grinning a little in a way which can't be entirely attributed to mischief even if Claude's assuming that's what it's for. It's more like a flash of giddiness, perhaps, as the closest comparison when it comes to if he had to describe it, and that's entirely due to Hilda being here. That this is something more like how it used to be even with the struggle he's having to remind himself to not read into it, to not attribute too much when there'd been months where they couldn't stand to be in the same room. And certainly, there's that complicating factor still of this being for couples when he'd merely said it'd be a party of two to treat a very good friend, but it's working out.

Claude's overlooking the mention of avoiding it being something to avoid. Instead he tilts his head back to peer at the table where the attendant had set a few things down they could add to the tub if they wanted to, but - ]

Now that you've said that, I was hoping there might've been a wine bottle I overlooked up there if they're going for romance here. That would've been a nice touch, but I guess we'll have to save that for after we're out of here.

Uh, no it definitely wasn't ten. Nice try though. It was more like five which means you have two left today at most.

[ There's an unspoken, "If I'm feeling generous," lingers in the air by way of a threat along with the very telltale sound of attitude beginning to creep into her voice. Not enough yet to be annoyed because she's had a far better handle on keeping that particular emotion in check since her unofficial return to the loft, but enough to hint that it could go down that road should Claude push his luck. Which he would because it was Claude she was talking to who loved nothing more than to annoy her and seemed to love compliments from her even if they were prickly ones.

When she had agreed to go back to the loft for dinner the day they had found the wyvern she hadn't verbally agreed to or thought that she'd move back in then and there. Like so many things in her life she took it a day at a time, trying her best to squeeze every moment she could out of the time she was living. At least that's what she told herself. Her indecision and refusal to sleep there that evening had simply because she didn't want to intrude on the things she could see in front of her. The forced bed rest resulting in her staying had been one of the few good things to come from her near death experience even if she hadn't spoken to either of them about moving back in an official capacity.

The flip side of that also (unfortunately) means that she has to try and ease back into a semblance of normalcy - or new normalcy - with not just Sylvain but Claude too. Adjusting to a new dynamic is something she never thought she'd have to do especially with the latter.

Her gaze follows his towards the table. Wine did sound nice right about now. ]

To quote you, there's no harm in asking. Or maybe it's waiting for us at the end of this. Although with all our protests about not being a couple, I don't think they're going to buy that this is a date anymore.

[ Predictably, there's a put upon groan from him at the idea of that limit being reached so much sooner. As if he won't possibly survive with his ego so clearly on the verge of collapse for a lack of appreciation if more than a half an hour or whatever other arbitrary amount of time goes by without one, and he turns back around from his barely-even-a-search for wine like this is gravely disappointing.

It's not, and he's over it a second later since there's probably an unseen line in the sand drawn somewhere. One he doesn't want to cross without knowing where it is, since if there'd been anything convenient about the more literal ones they'd drawn in the aftermath of everything to further the wreckage created it was seeing them. There's no credit due there since the drawing of them caused even more fault lines to appear, and now it feels like his feet are metaphorically bumping up against the crumbling edge of one.

No matter. There's enough to focus on here as he drags his mind back to the present where it seems the wine is a mutually mourned item though Claude has to laugh at that last part. ]

Maybe we should have played up the date part to get some more out of this. It's probably not too late to turn that around. [ Conspiratorially and without even the tiniest amount of guilt considering that is the experience they've been granted with that upgrade, right? Might as well see what it'd gift them, or something like that. ] I mean, they practically suggested it to us themselves. We are here together after I planned it, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch to -

[ Wait.

Wait a minute - ]

[ Hilda is torn between agreeing to play into this ridiculous scheme. It wouldn't be the first time she's played the part of one half of a couple; doing so had gotten her out of a sticky situation upon her first meeting with Blake and the joke persisted to this day. And she and Claude had played the part of couple in the past if it meant benefiting them somehow. That being said, playing pretend with the wrong person could very well be a slippery slope into things she's vehemently trying to avoid. Thankfully, Claude babbling on gives her more time to internally debate with herself.

But then he stops and the strangest look crosses his face. ]

A stretch to what?

[ A hand emerges from the water to wave in front of his face. ]

Hello? Claude? You can't just cut yourself off in the middle of a sentence - finish the thought.

[ Realizations seem to be infectious today. Or maybe it's because they're slowly beginning to fall back in sync that her mind finally puts together the pieces that she isn't sure that even Claude was aware he was laying out in front of them. Her hand drops into the water with a resounding splash.

Oh.

Oh no.

There's another pause before she lets out something that should have been a laugh except it's more nervous breath than anything else. ]

By plan, you mean, just an outing. Between friends, right?

[ She's providing him an out. A means of confirmation so that he doesn't have to voice what she thinks he's realized is a silly little mistake meant for someone with red hair and not pink. ]

I-

[ He should be ready to answer. There's no reason for him to not be, not as quickly as he tends to find a response to anything thrown his direction whether it was expected or a complete surprise. Recovering, thinking on his feet, volleying something right back - all skills Claude prides himself on, and all ones which fail him now.

Hilda's question is a simple one. In the words, at least, and in what's being asked, but it's the answer which is anything but.

It hadn't been his intention when planning this for it to be a date. Somehow that had escaped his notice when he'd brought up the idea of having a day to do whatever she might want to do once she'd healed. Hilda had agreed, and then as he tended to do, he'd run with the ideas from there. Deciding to add on one more or things he also knows she enjoys just to cap off the day is far too deliberate for it to be considered just an outing.

Sometimes, the only answer to wavering on something is to take the leap of faith and hope for the best. That's by far not Claude's favored way in dealing with anything he wants to know what with looking for every contingency and having a well-laid out plan for each one. On this, he simply doesn't have the time - and taking the time to do that would be far worse, he thinks as he takes a deep breath and then shakes his head slowly. ]

No, I don't mean that. I don't think calling this a date would be so far off after all, Hilda.

[ The time it takes for Claude to answer her question seems to stretch and for some odd reason she braces herself. It's a strange reaction to have considering there's no way that this could be the word that starts with a "d" and ends with an "e". At least not a purposeful one.

Claude had said plainly himself that he didn't have feelings for her like that anymore. Dates were for people who shared mutual feelings for each other or were trying to figure out if they had feelings for and the feelings in question were one sided but soon to be (hopefully, maybe, Goddess willing), gone. She shouldn’t be bracing for anything - not hope, not disappointment. The only emotion that should be there are nerves because she didn't know what he was going to say.

That’s why the only reasonable response to his baffling response and short stretch of silence is laughter of the nervous kind. ...Which is followed by some very embarrassing stuttering that if she were teased about she would be nothing short of livid. ]

What do you mean you would call it a date? You don't - we aren't - I -

[ She cuts herself short. A part of her is tempted to laugh more, say that he had her going there for a second because there's no way he would seriously take her on a date. Except there's no punchline, no follow-up crinkle of his eyes as he struggles to hold back a laugh. There's nothing but green eyes piercing her in the same way he fires his arrows and making her all too aware of the heat rising to her cheeks. ]

I don't understand. You've never taken me on a date. Why would you start now?

[ Even if he'd made the decision to set them onto this path, what with backing down from it not being an option after months of - everything, her response doesn't inspire confidence. Not that it's unfair for it to do so, though as he watches Hilda reconcile this into Claude can't help but wonder why it seems so surprising to her.

Because that's part of the issue, isn't it? That, as she points out, there's been no dates before in any sense of Before? Still, he can't help the rueful smile that comes to his face immediately in the aftermath of her speaking. ]

I think it was pointed out to me before that war wasn't exactly the time for any notions of romance. The same can probably be said for any kind of strife since.

[ Dryly, since that seems better than his other reaction of wanting to drag a hand down his face as she continues to stare back at him like he's said something so completely unpredictable she doesn't know what to do with it. But he is watching her carefully still, feeling a bit like he's floundering around in a dark room looking for a candle to light in the form of clarity when that doesn't offer him anything but the confirmation she's genuinely puzzled.

But the why for that reaction even after their last conversation of dancing around a topic adjacent to this one where she'd had much the same flush and sputtering in response to what he'd said - hadn't he made it clear? Try as he might and though Claude succeeds in keeping his voice even, it's too difficult to not let trepidation in. ]

Would it really be so terrible if this was a date?

[ Maybe that genuine question is a better place to start. Maybe it'll unravel the rest of what's going unsaid when the last thing he wants to do is assume too much even as his mind is already turning over the possibilities he's now ignoring - not when that'd gotten them to a very different place when he doesn't want to repeat anything close to it. ]

[ Her mouth opens and closes, grasping for both an answer and at the absurdity of this situation and how it doesn't quite feel like this should be happening at all. ]

That - this isn't the same thing.

[ Hearing her words, which are still true to this day, repeated back to her only seem to further her flustered state. It softens what she says next, eliminating any sort of jealous tone that could have been there but isn't because what she says is simply a fact. ]

Strife wasn't happening the entire time we were here. You've been on at least one date with Sylvain.

[ Lack of time feels like a poor excuse to use, especially when she had arrived here in the dead of winter and now they were nearing the end of summer. None of that was accounting for the time that he had spent in a literal pit of course. She could be many things but unreasonable isn't one of them. At least, not in this situation.

So why she's trying to make a point or sound like she's arguing (because she isn't, not really) is beyond her. In some ways it's easier to compartmentalize and distill this moment into one of those times when Claude proposes something ridiculous and she's just trying to keep him honest and realistic. Easier because it means that she can stay rooted in this delusion of hers for a little while longer and not have to think so hard about feelings - which is arguably one of her least favourite things to do. Unfortunately all of those things are difficult when the nervousness in his voice tugs incessantly at her resolve. ]

No. Yes. I don't know.

[ A noise of helpless exasperation escapes her. Panic prickles at the base of her skull and she can hear herself begin to ramble. Apparently all it had taken was Claude's trepidation to dislodge the last stone holding back her torrent of words. ]

It's just that you said that you had feelings for me. And friends can go on perfectly platonic dates, but you're implying that this isn't. Which means that this is either an awful joke that I've completely missed the punchline on or you're trying to cover up for the fact that you and Sylvain were meant to come here instead of me. Which again, is fine, but I wish you would just tell me if that was the case because I'm trying really hard to put whatever feelings I - [ Her words cut off abruptly as her heartbeat thrums loudly in her ears. She takes in a breath, the stark realization that she had said too much dawning on her. There's another beat before she speaks again. ] I'm just trying to be a better friend and feelings complicate that. A date would complicate that.

[ Strife factors into a lot of things here, Claude thinks. It hadn't been just accounting for the world's greater events but also the ones between them when she'd pulled away and he'd watched uncertainly until it was too late and it'd built into the detonation that'd leveled them both, but that'd be going over things they already both know. No part of that will help so in lieu of that Claude presses his lips together in a slight line, the only reaction he gives since that'd be derailing his own waiting for something he very much wants to know without the influence of anything else.

No is a positive, but the yes immediately following it - that's difficult to not feel the sting of it even as Hilda corrects herself again right after. Claude does nothing but wait with a steady hold on patience - that is, until she speaks again and each sentence one after another makes his blood feel like it chills in degrees. He'd started to sit up since slouching for this conversation doesn't feel right but he pauses, unsure of what exactly his expression is while he processes everything said.

There's too many competing and somehow still synced thoughts for it to be anything but the truth. That much he recognizes even while desperately forcing them through his mind to help them make sense. In there, he hears things said as facts: Hilda still thinks being here wasn't intentional, and if it wasn't then this is possibly some kind of ploy with no room for anything else. Feelings, whatever they are, are interfering with being a friend and how from there it's not difficult to extrapolate her answer about whether a date would be a problem just might actually be yes.

That rapid spiral of examining it all doesn't get him any closer when it comes to yet another break in what she was going to say and then what was said next like on the rooftop. While it feels like he can guess what fits into that blank space, it doesn't explain something else. ]

Wait a minute. What do you mean 'had' like that's something of the past?

[ A response to the rest is forthcoming, but Claude can't get past that one word. It sounds almost as if it's what Hilda's been hinging everything on in a way that's thrown him for a loop into genuine confusion. Now it's his turn to feel almost like she's playing some kind of prank on him he's too slow to pick up on, and whether he was intending for the same level of honesty wrapped up in those words remains to be seen. Perhaps it won't matter if it wasn't meant to be there; that's just answering her with another question while he's also not trying to argue or infuriate when the real point is - ]

Because it's not had. It's have.

[ Had Claude not interjected that would have been an excellent opportunity for her to finally tell him how she felt about him. Because while her torrent of words had gone on for longer than she would have liked, they would have eventually led to her admitting that she cared deeply for him and had for a very long time now.

And even though it feels like her unrequited affection and longing for him would always be rooted in the marrow of her bones, she'd reassure him that she didn't plan on getting between him and Sylvain. The hope really was that she'd just wake up one day and they'd be gone like dust motes dancing in the morning sun, a fond treasure and memory she could look back on.

Unfortunately the problem with crafting narratives in her mind is that when they butt up against parts of reality that directly contradicted the things she had convinced herself of. It doesn't happen often - mostly because the combined forces of Hilda's blissful ignorance and charmed life proved a sturdy defence against the forces of reality.

But Claude does break her monologue and both blissful ignorance and luck seem to evaporate into steam. Trying to collect them now would be futile. ]

Have? [ Her voice slides an octave higher. ] But you said "fell". You "fell" for me which is past tense, isn't it?

[ Her stupidity hits her and she knows the answer to the question before he has to answer it. Dumbstruck, her eyes blow wide as her cheeks blaze with warmth. This isn't exactly how most people would react to finding out someone their heart pined for retuned that pining but then again nothing about this is normal. Their relationship had been razed to the ground, leaving them amidst a foundation they had to figure out how to rebuild together.

Hilda had thought she known how right until Claude had flipped the plans around and shown her a different way. Stubbornness and old habits of side stepping persist but both are weak at best. ]

You can't have feelings for me. You have feelings for someone else. And I'm so awful and greedy. I've been so jealous and I could never –

[ A breath is quickly sucked in through her teeth. No. Telling him she cared couldn't come with ugly admissions too. ]

[ As her eyes widen in that silence after speaking, his jaw drops in too honest surprise Claude can't begin to hide. Past tense? Even with everything else? He recovers a second later but not without his expression still wavering somewhere between incredulity, disbelief, and amusement in equal measure without lingering on any one feeling for too long. ]

I said I still wanted you to meet my parents now that you know - [ mostly - ] what that means, but because I said fell that made it all past tense?

[ A confirmation more than a question and one he doesn't really need, not with Hilda's words now making that clear, but with it comes the clarity he'd been seeking to make sense of so many confusing pieces that'd never seemed to create the bigger picture. It's here now: the motivation for everything, the miscommunications known and not, and why what'd felt like such an abrupt fallout to him but have been anything but to Hilda.

Now Claude gives into running a hand down his face with a pause to punch the bridge of his nose while gathering his thoughts. All of them, all the ones formed and still fragmented and what they have yet to say when this is surely only the very start. ]

I think, and hear me out here, both of us should stop trying to tell the other what they should feel or do.

[ It might be a joke save for the minor edge of tension still running through that because it's the truth and because even Claude's not fully ready to make light of this yet. That'll take more time and distance than sitting amidst the wreckage they'd caused as they are now even with some of it slowly put back together. None of it being entirely one of their faults; he'd been responsible for this just as much as Hilda had while they'd both orchestrated it all. He drops his hand away and back into the water when it occurs to him it probably looks like he's frustrated when really, the primary thing he's feeling right now could be be described as shock. ]

How long?

[ Asked quietly, even though it feels pressing that he knows the answer to this even if it won't bring back the time they've lost. Here or in Fodlan, because from what's been said it's clear to Claude that not only did his own feelings come with him - so did hers. ]

You could have been saying that as a friend. Friends meet each other's parents all the time.

[ Her reply comes with the weakest, faintest echo of a laugh - because objectively this entire misunderstanding and miscommunication is funny in some way. It's the sort of thing they would laugh about if it happened to someone else. Not that she can quite appreciate the humor yet but maybe some day. That conversation feels impossibly recent and so long ago now. At the time her heart had immediately tried to take a running leap towards a conclusion that her mind was convinced couldn't be true - and as a result she had clawed her heart back before it could go too far.

This moment feels a lot like that, like her heart is straining to break free, to feel everything that she had been holding back. Simultaneously it feels like Waffle had decided to take a sudden dive that she hadn't been ready for. All that's left to do is try and fall and recover gracefully. Well, as gracefully as someone can after making a total fool of themselves.

The edge to his voice doesn't go unnoticed. A part of her pulls back cautiously like she can't be certain where this conversation is going. But then he asks something that fills her with more fear than she thought a simple question like that ever could or would. He doesn't have to clarify. She knows what he's asking. Drawing her knees into her chest feels like she's protecting herself, like she's still bracing herself for him to decide he doesn't care for her that way now that she had shown a small glimpse of her ugly side of her. Her admission is soft as her eyes drift to the water in front of her. ]

...I don't know.

[ Because she doesn't. Even though she had admitted wordlessly to Wanda that she loved Claude she can't pinpoint an exact moment when the feelings had transformed and culminated into what they are now. It's horribly cheesy. Lame, really. ]

A long time. Before the war started at least. I didn't want to say anything then because you needed to concentrate on the war. And I didn't know what you would say if I did tell you. I guess that fear followed me here too even though I never expected you to return my feelings if I ever did say anything.

[ It's really only the tip of the iceberg of her feelings for him and the things she feared that could come from admitting more. But she feels like she's taken up too much air speaking. And she has her own questions. Her eyes rise towards him. ]

How long?

[ Automatically, he cracks a slight smile at that laugh on instinct more than any humor. There's no point in yanking that statement apart even as he would otherwise if someone else had uttered it - they've covered it even if it's (mostly) been unsaid. The worst part is he can see how it all makes sense. With the missing puzzle piece now in place, how could he not? And how could he fault her for any of it when it seems to so closely mirror what he knows to be true for himself?

Beneath the water, his fingers reflexively curl in towards his palms at first without him noticing it. When it sinks in that Hilda's withdrawing it's then Claude realizes he's done this to keep himself from reaching for her, to stamp out a desire to he would've once not questioned in closing the space between them. But maybe that isn't what she wants or what she needs, and so he sets his hands in his lap again like that'll tamp down the longing as they inch their way through this conversation.

Before the war has him closing his eyes in need of a moment to absorb that. The same goes for what follows, all of it logical in a way which makes him feel vaguely ill because it still comes down to so much lost time. Because he'd thought the same things, had the same fears - both of them holding onto those things separately and which kept them from saying anything in what he now knows could've been years ago for both of them.

Regret doesn't have a place here. The same as always, he has to look forward to the future before the past has a chance to drag him down into it. It's not until she fairly returns his question to him that Claude opens his eyes and looks back at her with a faint smile that's an actual one this time. ]

I couldn't tell you when it changed, but I remember when I realized it. [ His gaze goes unfocused slightly as if he's looking at something else besides just Hilda across from him, but the smile grows a little wider as it curves its way around his mouth. ] It was a ways into the academy year on some afternoon when there wasn't anything happening. I was in my room doing - something, I couldn't tell you what besides maybe looking through some of the books I'd taken from Abyss or writing a letter, but that part doesn't matter - and I hadn't locked the door. You walked in like you belonged there, crawled into bed like you belonged there too, and fell asleep without saying anything.

I couldn't focus on whatever it was after that and a nap did sound like a pretty good idea. After I laid down you moved over to put your head on my shoulder and an arm around me in your sleep like you didn't even have to guess where I was. And then I remember thinking that felt like something else that belonged, too, and I didn't even have to question it. Any of it.

[ One blink and he's back to the present rather than a dorm room in Garreg Mach where it'd felt like the world had narrowed down to nothing but the two of them when she'd settled into that space with a sigh and he'd wished to himself she'd never leave. ]

I'd never thought that about anyone before.

[ As Claude recounts the moment he realized that he'd had feelings for her that went beyond the friendship that they'd had, Hilda can't help but laugh inwardly to herself - of course he remembers the exact moment. And it hadn't been some grand moment either. It had been something small and quiet but no less important. A moment tucked between larger ones, stringing them together like a link on a necklace. Knowing that is enough to make a heart sing. But to feel both awash in affection and mortified that the best she could come up with was, "before the war" has to be a new cocktail of emotions she's never felt before.

The temperature of her cheeks feels hot to the touch, she's positive her ears are turning pink, and her heartbeat races so fast that she swears she could follow it right out the door. The thought is a tempting one. Running away from anything serious has always worked in the past. But this is more than serious. It's important. It's a matter of the heart. Their hearts. Which is honestly more terrifying than any dragon or demonic beast they'll ever face.

Fighting the urge to turn tail and flee, Hilda is quick to bury her hands in her face to save herself from gawking at Claude and to spare him having to see her face contort in strange ways, unable to settle on how exactly to portray the myriad of feelings whirling inside her. That feels like a victory, even if it's a small one. Unfortunately she can't properly pat herself on the back for that. Staying in one place is the easier challenge to tackle. It's convincing herself that this is happening – that's the more difficult task. Believing it follows closely behind that. Or maybe they're one and the same.

The irony of wanting something so badly that she could wish it into existence is that she doesn't have the faintest clue what to do with it now that she's faced with it. For so long she had wondered if Claude would ever return her feelings. Daydreamed about what it would be like for him to look at her the way he looked at Petra. At Sylvain. Convinced herself that some day she'd be ready to tell him true but honeyed words instead of clunky, hollow ones strung up tight with nerves and fear.

The voice of the creature that had crawled its way out of her throat begins singing a different tune, telling her that Claude is better off with someone who could remember something about their story, someone who's kinder, smarter, everything she feels that she lacks. She lets out a soft groan of embarrassment into her hands. ]

Gods, you – if I had known I was supposed to prepare some kind of speech I wish you would have given me more notice. All I could say was a long time and that I didn't know. Now anything after this is going to come across as super insincere.

[ It's more joke than complaint. At least that's what she's trying to default to while she attempts to collect her thoughts and refrain from spilling more unpleasant insecurities. ]

[ There's more he could have added - probably not to Hilda's surprise whatsoever - but it felt like he'd talked for too long as it is. Even if it's an explanation, even if it's important, the longer he'd talked the more Claude had to wonder what the expression on Hilda's face means as it dawns and then blooms into something - else.

Something she thinks she has to hide with her hands pressed to her face to shut it out, and it's that action which makes confusion and a bit of that trepidation return. It was a lot, that much Claude's well aware of considering it felt like a lot to say despite there being so much more ground for either one of them to cover, and now it all hangs in the balance even more than before.

Sitting here he is also feels too much though he wills himself to stay right there. Right up until Hilda finally speaks, because at that point his resolve disintegrates and he pushes off the tub's edge. ]

Hey, wait a minute.

[ That prefaces it though he's careful to make a point of not moving through the water silently to telegraph exactly what it is he's doing. It's not a long distance even despite the oversized tub they're in for that supposed couples' experience but it feels like crossing a canyon as he reaches out to hook fingertips around her hands to gently tug them away from her face to be able to see again. Or in hopes of that, since if she doesn't resist he'll sit with her hands held in his between them in what's not enough touch for what he wants, but that's another line he won't cross without permission first when it's not something he'll take for granted. ]

I wasn't asking for a speech, though if that's you asking for one I can come up with a better one if you give me a minute. [ That's teasing, if only to lighten the mood with something they both know would be a real possibility if she asked for it to be while he searches her face with a tentative smile. ] A long time still more than counts, especially when we said the same thing in different ways. I don't think that's insincere at all.

[ And it is the same thing to him since it still points to the same feeling - and that's something. As much as he wants to let that spark of hope turn into an ember that can become a proper flame, there's something else that has to come before it. ]

What is it that you want, Hilda?

[ From this moment, from all of this - anything and everything in between. His answer to that should she ask it back to him has never once wavered, but that doesn't mean it's the same for Hilda. ]

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