[ CLOSED ] the dawn is opening

[godshattering]

Who: Claude and various
When: September, October, November
Where: Cadens, Libertas, the Horizon
What: Catch all
Warnings: None currently, will add/mark as needed


( Closed starters below. Find me at indech, on Discord, or by PM at any time to plot something! )

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[godshattering]

Her expression is an encouraging one - if someone was going to reject what was said, they likely wouldn't spend time considering it first. In his experience, anyway, considering most people who disagreed with him had no shortage of eagerness to do that immediately and almost right in the same instant when the words leave his mouth.

What it leads to this time is Abby opening up in return with far more detail than before, and Claude crosses both his arms to let them rest overtop his knees while he listens. Even with some of the details almost certainly missing still, much as they're Abby's to decide whether to share or not share at all, it does bring some more of what's bothering her into focus for him. He nods slightly at the moments needing it to encourage her to keep going, but is otherwise silent until it's his turn.

"I get it. It can be easy to want to let those negative voices in, isn't it? I know my friends who've struggled with that because when you hear it for years, sometimes it wants to sink in as fact even if it isn't. You do deserve good things, happiness, to find people who value you for who you are rather than an impression made - and anything and everything else that falls in between all of those."

If they were sitting closer, Claude might've nudged her with an elbow just to underscore that or maybe impart some additional sincerity to that. As it is, he'll have to go with his other plan of adding more to that to make it so. "It doesn't mean all of that can't still hurt you, too, even if you're not at home. There are some things I still feel and hold close even though it's been years since they happened, and to narrow it down further it was some of those that kept me from reaching out to anyone after convincing myself it wasn't worth it. I didn't like being hurt the times I'd tried, not that anyone does, but with some of that hurt came lessons. What I didn't want to repeat, what I didn't want out of reaching out to someone, and what I did - maybe some of which might apply to here since neither of us can change our pasts."

[everybodysterrible]

There's a slight breath of relief at the fact he listens, and seems, to get it. He frames it as a friend, which she supposes makes sense as he doesn't seem the type to let those voices in. His own voice seems a bit louder than everyone else. Putting him closer to Ginny than herself.

Maybe she needed that more.

"So the bullshit that happened to me now just- gets to live in my head forever, not even paying rent." It sounded discouraging, because it was, but she said it with a defeated little scoff to say she wasn't surprised. "I know that my distrust of adults is cause of- me. My world, and it's bullshit. But a lot of adults had gone out of their way to not make it worse here."

Some gone, some here, she never classified Claude as an adult because it's really easy to forget that. But they would listen to her, maybe coax her out of her worst traits, but never demand her behave one way or another.

"I don't really like pretending to be some polite drone. Acting okay when I'm not, being nice when I don't like someone," Which is how all this came back up, she's not good at faking happy. She's good at being herself, she can lean in one direction or another. Chaos or helpful, caring or blunt. But asking her to put on a mask just fucking backfires. She's still her, under whatever it is. "So when the most famous summoned in Cadens wanted me to just- be polite and act like his friend I just- couldn't do it."

Not when he said every possible thing wrong to her, hit every trip wire, every thing that'd piss her off. And 'most famous summoned in Cadens' was said with such absolute venom the words probably could melt steel.

[godshattering]

A wry smile crosses his face at the mention of something living in one's head forever, since - that also feels familiar. There's no particular comfort Claude can offer there; some things simply change too much to ever be fully erased no matter how long it's been since they happened. He can think of several of his own in a matter of seconds.

The rest of what Abby says seems to clarify a bit more of what's going on as he thinks about it, and after a pause he nods slightly to show there was some consideration happening in the silence following rather than just letting them go without a response.

"That's fair enough. Sometimes there's benefits in pretending to feel or act one way despite feeling the complete opposite, but that doesn't mean it's right to apply to it to every situation and especially those where you're uncomfortable. The same goes for hanging around with someone when there's far more Summoned here. Besides Cadens alone, that is, since that's true across the other places as well and when you factor in the Horizon? More than enough space to look for those you feel are worth getting to know."

Though, with a tilt of his head and a slightly more genuine smile, "Not that it makes it easier to have to start over or any more fun to do since that part's kind of universally terrible, I've found. But sometimes that also means it's a chance for you to find what you do want out of it, too."

[everybodysterrible]

Abby's still and thoughtful as she absorbs the offered wisdom, balancing 'lie' 'mislead' and 'self' in some arcane math that makes even less sense than actual fucking math. When should she be herself, when should she be herself but with a bid more gild on her edges. It's a lot to try to work out, and probably not something she'll solve in the next decade.

But she can work on it.

Now she shifts from sitting to a more crouching position. This probably doesn't read as anything until she smirks. And pushes forward for a hug that she didn't expect she had in her, pretty sure Claude can't prepare for it.

"...Thanks." There's still Abby's usual rough edge where nothing polite sounds polite from her, but everything else about her sells the sincerity anyway.

Figuring out what she wants, what new freedom she has now that a bunch of doors are closed. What windows to open or walls to tear down to get to whatever happiness is out there for her. Figuring out all those tough questions can wait at least a few more seconds.

it's a wrap!

[godshattering]

There's more pauses there, the kind that Claude associates with someone processing something or - when it's a good thing, like this is meant to be - them internalizing it. He can only hope that's the case here when the words he'd said were ones he meant and means, though they come with the bonus of being from the outside and with the perspective only time can bring though he hadn't known that at the time.

It's more than enough then that Abby offers a thanks, and that's enough for Claude to offer a smile back. He'll take that.

"Of course." He's tempted to add more, but there's value in not overdoing something simply to make a point. Or several points considering there's also the fact that he's talked quite a bit here which is all the more reason to put it on pause. Time will factor in again when it comes to everything said, too.

Instead he pushes himself up off the ground with a nod back towards the targets since there's still plenty left. "Now, about this practice..."