[ What Wanda says is right. Truthfully it's been something that she's asked herself too. Why not just be with them both? Why not just see what could happen? Hilda lapses into a contemplative silence but the answer to Wanda's question comes almost instantly.

Because it was easier said than done.

Maybe if she had remained blissfully ignorant and ignored the rift she felt between her and Claude she would have had an easier time slipping into this scenario she found herself in. Maybe if she hadn't been sucked into an undercurrent of gloom and insecurity, she would have had an easier time adjusting. Instead Abraxas had undone her and pulled the soft gossamer that she had worn for so long to reveal the jealousy and greed beneath it.

She burrows herself deeper into Wanda's embrace with a watery laugh. ]

I wish they were easier. Then I wouldn't have felt like this for months. [ The next words spill from her lips despite herself. ] I just don't think I'm the best fit for either of them. They're both better together than with me. I haven't done anything but hurt them.