[She's right, of course, about war; it's one of those things that has existed through history, and as horrific as it is, it's--unfortunately--a part of how the world works. And, perhaps depressingly, it seems to be a part of how every world works.
But that doesn't mean it isn't awful, or that it doesn't affect those who are caught up on it. He's sorry she has to experience that, but he also understands why she might have a sense of resignation about it, because that's what he's been trying to attain here. He's normally better at just accepting that terrible things happen, looking at them pragmatically, and then focusing on what needs to be done; that's what he has to do to work the cases he does at home, and he'd thought he could manage that here.
It doesn't feel like something to be commended for, especially when he's been failing more that succeeding. Sure, he'd come back, but it's the least he could do for these people who didn't have the chance to keep living, and who had been so seemingly forgotten about.
And that last point is something that's been on his mind for months now, something that makes up a part of his many complex feelings on everything that had happened and everything happening now. It's something he wouldn't normally put into words, too much of a real look at his thoughts and emotions for him to normally share, but Hilda's a special case for several reasons.
So, finally, he continues.]
I keep wonderin' how many of these people died without anyone even noticing they were gone.
[How many of these people had no one to even notice their absence, let alone mourn that they're gone?]
At home, I was okay with knowin' that if something happened to me, my boss would probably be the only one to notice. But here, when everything happened, there was no one.
[Not that he blames anyone for that; the timing of this happening so soon after his arrival combined with his own tendency to keep to himself had led to natural consequences. Hilda had been the only person he knew who hadn't also ended up in the pit, and they hadn't known each other long at all, so he certainly hadn't expected her or anyone else to notice his absence. It had just been a strange thing to suddenly realize in the midst of all the horror going on, and it's a thought he hasn't been able to shake. He'd always been empathetic when it comes to cases and victims, but there had still been a certain distance there, a lack of understanding because he'd never been through something like this himself. But that's all changed now, and he doesn't know how to handle it, because if it were only about him he could just repress and not deal with it. But it's not, and these people deserve better.]
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But that doesn't mean it isn't awful, or that it doesn't affect those who are caught up on it. He's sorry she has to experience that, but he also understands why she might have a sense of resignation about it, because that's what he's been trying to attain here. He's normally better at just accepting that terrible things happen, looking at them pragmatically, and then focusing on what needs to be done; that's what he has to do to work the cases he does at home, and he'd thought he could manage that here.
It doesn't feel like something to be commended for, especially when he's been failing more that succeeding. Sure, he'd come back, but it's the least he could do for these people who didn't have the chance to keep living, and who had been so seemingly forgotten about.
And that last point is something that's been on his mind for months now, something that makes up a part of his many complex feelings on everything that had happened and everything happening now. It's something he wouldn't normally put into words, too much of a real look at his thoughts and emotions for him to normally share, but Hilda's a special case for several reasons.
So, finally, he continues.]
I keep wonderin' how many of these people died without anyone even noticing they were gone.
[How many of these people had no one to even notice their absence, let alone mourn that they're gone?]
At home, I was okay with knowin' that if something happened to me, my boss would probably be the only one to notice. But here, when everything happened, there was no one.
[Not that he blames anyone for that; the timing of this happening so soon after his arrival combined with his own tendency to keep to himself had led to natural consequences. Hilda had been the only person he knew who hadn't also ended up in the pit, and they hadn't known each other long at all, so he certainly hadn't expected her or anyone else to notice his absence. It had just been a strange thing to suddenly realize in the midst of all the horror going on, and it's a thought he hasn't been able to shake. He'd always been empathetic when it comes to cases and victims, but there had still been a certain distance there, a lack of understanding because he'd never been through something like this himself. But that's all changed now, and he doesn't know how to handle it, because if it were only about him he could just repress and not deal with it. But it's not, and these people deserve better.]