002

[solmate]

WHO: Alina + closed starters (Kirigan, Ciri, Kylo, Geralt)
WHAT: Alina haunts some friends new and old
WHERE: Free Cities, the Horizon
WHEN: Throughout October
NOTES: No warnings currently. This will be a catch-all for October threads. If you'd like a custom starter, dm me and we'll figure something out!

Comments

[falcony]

[ sam wishes, instantly, there was some other way of broaching this. that, somehow, there could be words for how to deal with what he knows is going to be a difficult reaction. but there’s no guidebook for this sort of thing, and the hollow feeling of loss that expands in sam’s chest makes him not want to have to write it.

still, he knows he’s said something wrong, or perhaps presented it wrong, the second the words leave his mouth. the second he sees her react. ]

Alina. [ his voice is pleading, in a strange kind of way - pained, tired, but soldiering on. alina, meanwhile, turns back to her room (because it’s just her’s now, isn’t it?). sam stands, suddenly, and walks over to the door. ] Alina, wait, hold on-

[ she storms by him and am thinks about reaching out to grab her elbow, to get her to slow down for just a moment. he can’t blame her, considering how he’s spent the last few hours, but he also knows she can’t go out on her own. not like this. ]

We don’t even know if he’s out there. I’ve been searching the city, and his trail just ends. Alina, stop- [ she’s still moving, still packing, and sam moves to stand in front of the door out of their room, his hands up, trying to all her down and making it obvious he will stop her, if need me. ] Stop. Just for a minute.

[ the problem is - he knows what she’s thinking, and the only thing stopping him from doing exactly what she’s doing now, is her. is his concern for what she might do. his expression is soft when he continues. ]

We don’t even know where to start, and he might not even be here. [ a beat, and then a sigh. ] Let me make you breakfast- ten minutes tops, I promise, and you can talk me through your plan. Maybe I can help.

[solmate]

[ He was searching all night.

He was searching all night and Alina was being useless. Less than useless, while she stared at the wall and got fitful amounts of sleep. Her expression shifts silently to something pained.

Alina's always been a little easy to read, but usually she doesn't wear her hurt so plainly. For the most part, she's been toughened, calloused to not let things beat her down when so many other parts of life have beat them to it.

But this wound is fresh and foreign. At least when they were assigned to different posts, she knew she could write to his regiment. At least when they were pulled apart after the Fold she knew where he was. ]

I don't have a plan.

[ And maybe she should be more ashamed of that, but it's true. She doesn't think that far ahead, all she has, all she ever could really do is just stay ahead of the next biggest threat, sometimes literally like now with her hurried and frantic scurrying around the apartment, like prey zagging as it dashes out of the grasps of a predator. Being stopped by Sam feels a bit like running into a corner, forcing a reconciliation with reality that's catching up to her. She takes a sharp breath in, her eyes are wide and already watery. Her mouth hovers partly open, quivering. She is spinning, reeling, like a compass that's lost north. ]

I can't— [ She's not even sure how that ends, can't what? But she does not have time. She and Mal have never had the luxury of time. Sniffing, she makes another push again, stumbling as she tries to grab her boots in a rather graceless swoop. She tumbles onto the floor, but she doesn't let that slow her. ] If it were me he would be searching already. He wouldn't have waited a night.

[ And that's not to say Sam's searching meant nothing, but that was Sam searching, not hers. ]

[falcony]

[ he can tell from the expression she makes that he's said something wrong again - or perhaps not wrong, necessarily, but something that has sent her off down a path that is not where he'd wanted this conversation to go.

stepping in front of her is a dangerous move, he knows, but he can't let her leave that quickly. not until he knows what she's planning. he'd had a better handle on mal, on what he would do and where he would turn, when it came to all of this. there are very few things that sam knows about alina, fewer that he would trust himself with assuming, but as she pushes by him and makes for her boots, he watches her stumble, and without really thinking sam reaches out to stop her from tumbling fully onto the floor. once she's steady on her feet again, he'll let her go, but for now he really just...he worries. he doesn't want her hurting. ]

You weren't waiting, Alina. You were here in case he came back. If no one had been home, he would have gone back out again, and we wouldn't have even known.

[ he lets go, his hands still out. he is trying to stop her, still, which means that if she plans to try and shove her way to the door, he's going to be a bit more forceful with his stopping her. there is something he needs to be communicated, something he needs to know, before she can leave - because he's not going to stop her entirely, he doesn't really think it's his place to, but he knows he would regret it if he didn't try. ]

He's a tracker, right? And a hell of a shot. He can protect himself and find his way back, but he needs to know there is something to come back to. Right? You weren't just waiting. You were here for him if he came back last night. And now that he hasn't, we adjust.

[ sam remembers how mal had been, while alina was still down in the dungeons. the restless, near-panicked energy he'd carried with him. he can see echoes of it in alina, now, as he struggles to find a way to meet it. to help.

she wants to go looking for him, and she's not going to stop until she has to have a chance to do it herself. sam knows the feeling, knows the feeling well, which is partially why he takes another step back from her. trying to ease away from the 'cornered' feeling, but still in the way of the door. ]

Ten minutes, that's all I'm asking for, and then we can come up with a plan. I'm gonna help you look, and Geralt's helping too. He's a tracker, like Mal. Probably better than both of us, put together. [ he's trying to sound self-deprecating, more than anything. sam knows his strengths and knows his weaknesses and works to fill them both.

he just hopes it lands, with her. hopes any of this lands. he tilts his head a bit to the side, trying to catch her eyes so she can - hopefully - catch on to how genuinely serious he is about his next words. ] We're going to figure out what happened- and if he's here, we'll find him. I promise. [ a beat, and then- ]

Give me a chance to help.

[solmate]

[ Sam tries to make justify for her behavior but she's not buying it. It's a a comfortably stretched lie to excuse acting poorly, making the bad decision. She should know, she's an expert in them.

Finally, she pauses, for no other reason than she cannot maintain this pace and not cry, and she absolutely does not want to cry in front of Sam. She sniffs, subtly wiping her eye as rolling her shoulders back to feign confidence, puffing up like an animal bluffing about its size. A measured breath to stop herself. She has to be strong, because she has no choice. She's never had the luxury to be anything else.

Her features pull, uncertain, pained, and skeptical. It's not that she thinks Sam lying to her about all the efforts he and Geralt have already put in or that he doesn't want to genuinely help. It's just that it's so foreign that someone would care about either of them. Orphans, ghosts. They aren't even anything special or out of the ordinary here. ]

Why? [ Her voice is thin; it almost cracks. ] I don't... I don't understand why you won't just let me go.

[ It's not accusatory, but there's an unstated question slipped beneath it. She can't understand why he'd help. Why he'd care. At least they paid rent and worked jobs and were generally useful around the house, so day to day she didn't have to think of anything beyond the basic utility they provide. At least Mal kind of made sense. He was endearing and charming, but that alone doesn't get this kind of effort in return forever.

And part of this seems distinctly for her, to help her, to carry some of the weight for her. She's forgotten how to share that burden, if she ever knew how to in the first place. Not to mention that kindness isn't an unlimited resource given so freely. Each dose of it she's received from anyone but Mal in recent history has been cunning and calculated, meant to pull her along and make her believe she is something of value.

She doesn't think Sam is like that. She doesn't want to think Sam is like that. But can she afford the risk? ]

Please. [ She is genuine in her pleading. ] I don't know how to explain it, but— [ She has to pause, swallow down the crack in her voice ] —if Mal is here, then I know I can find him.

[ It's as true and as deep as the rules of the small science. Like to like. She doesn't know how she knows that, she doesn't know why it would be true, but they always find each other again. Always. ]

Let me go, and I'll be back before dark. I promise.

[falcony]

[ but it wasn't a bad decision, is what he's trying to get her to understand. it wasn't the one she wanted to make, maybe, but it tactically wasn't a bad decision. someone needed to be here, and her being that person wasn't...

god, he's really just grasping at straws here. usually, he's better at this. usually, he has a better handle on these scenarios. what to say, what people need, how to react. it's a strange place to be in, realizing his own footing is off just slightly enough to shift his balance. that mal disappearing, that mal being gone, hits him hard enough to cause it.

he can only imagine what she's going through. which is what he has to remind himself - he's had hours to come to this conclusion, to process, where does that leave her? sam watches as she pulls herself together, as she puffs herself up. she forcing an appearance, in front of him, and it feels...god, it feels bad, thinking they've been living this long together and she still feels like she has to. ]

Because I'm worried about you, Alina. [ it comes out quickly, honestly. where her voice nearly cracks with the question, sam feels like he's filling space. overflowing, not caring so much to be reserved, or gentle, with his emotions. ] Because I know what it feels like when someone is gone, and you're desperate to find them. [ and maybe there is more he can say, here. more about how it feels to lose someone who is your right side, half of your whole. sam doesn't understand, entirely, the relationship between alina and mal, but he does know what it feels like to lose your best friend. and even if this isn't at all the same, there are enough similarities, enough panicked looks. mal isn't dead, mal didn't fall into the sand, but mal is gone and alina is looking for answers.

once again, sam looks at alina and is reminded of a wounded animal. someone who has been hurt, probably by people she trusted. it's why he never pushed himself into her space, why he'd never push, not even now. why, even as his own words feel a bit like a plea in and of themselves, he doesn't step closer to her. how he actually lets his hands fall to his sides. he wants to help so badly, and he wants to make sure she is safe, in part because he cares, but in equal part because he knows that is all mal would ask of him. just as it was all he asked of him in the castle, too.

but her pleading is honest, and sam feels himself start to deflate a little. how do you say no, to something like that? ]

Okay. [ it comes after a pause, where sam just kind of watches the emotions cross alina's face. part of him nearly mentions how he'd never want to keep her here against her will, how - if she'd really wanted to go - he would have let her. but she offers that last bit of it, that i'll be back before dark, and sam feels a sort of panicked tension leave his chest. ] Okay. If you can be back before dark... [ his eyes flit over to the little nest he'd set up for red in the corner, red and silver feathers, settled and staring back. part of him thinks about sending red to follow her, just in case, but thinks better of it.

this is all about trust, isn't it? how he wants her to trust him, and how he has to trust her in return. they are but strangers, to each other, no matter how he might wish it to be different. so sam takes a breath, and pulls himself back together again - taking a breath and setting his hands on her shoulders, leaning down a bit to catch her eyes. there's nothing inherently aggressive about the movement, or at least he hopes so, as he gives her a small, tired smile. ]

If you find him, kick his ass for worrying us all, okay? And I'll see you tonight.