002

[solmate]

WHO: Alina + closed starters (Kirigan, Ciri, Kylo, Geralt)
WHAT: Alina haunts some friends new and old
WHERE: Free Cities, the Horizon
WHEN: Throughout October
NOTES: No warnings currently. This will be a catch-all for October threads. If you'd like a custom starter, dm me and we'll figure something out!

Comments

[solmate]

[ Sam tries to make justify for her behavior but she's not buying it. It's a a comfortably stretched lie to excuse acting poorly, making the bad decision. She should know, she's an expert in them.

Finally, she pauses, for no other reason than she cannot maintain this pace and not cry, and she absolutely does not want to cry in front of Sam. She sniffs, subtly wiping her eye as rolling her shoulders back to feign confidence, puffing up like an animal bluffing about its size. A measured breath to stop herself. She has to be strong, because she has no choice. She's never had the luxury to be anything else.

Her features pull, uncertain, pained, and skeptical. It's not that she thinks Sam lying to her about all the efforts he and Geralt have already put in or that he doesn't want to genuinely help. It's just that it's so foreign that someone would care about either of them. Orphans, ghosts. They aren't even anything special or out of the ordinary here. ]

Why? [ Her voice is thin; it almost cracks. ] I don't... I don't understand why you won't just let me go.

[ It's not accusatory, but there's an unstated question slipped beneath it. She can't understand why he'd help. Why he'd care. At least they paid rent and worked jobs and were generally useful around the house, so day to day she didn't have to think of anything beyond the basic utility they provide. At least Mal kind of made sense. He was endearing and charming, but that alone doesn't get this kind of effort in return forever.

And part of this seems distinctly for her, to help her, to carry some of the weight for her. She's forgotten how to share that burden, if she ever knew how to in the first place. Not to mention that kindness isn't an unlimited resource given so freely. Each dose of it she's received from anyone but Mal in recent history has been cunning and calculated, meant to pull her along and make her believe she is something of value.

She doesn't think Sam is like that. She doesn't want to think Sam is like that. But can she afford the risk? ]

Please. [ She is genuine in her pleading. ] I don't know how to explain it, but— [ She has to pause, swallow down the crack in her voice ] —if Mal is here, then I know I can find him.

[ It's as true and as deep as the rules of the small science. Like to like. She doesn't know how she knows that, she doesn't know why it would be true, but they always find each other again. Always. ]

Let me go, and I'll be back before dark. I promise.

[falcony]

[ but it wasn't a bad decision, is what he's trying to get her to understand. it wasn't the one she wanted to make, maybe, but it tactically wasn't a bad decision. someone needed to be here, and her being that person wasn't...

god, he's really just grasping at straws here. usually, he's better at this. usually, he has a better handle on these scenarios. what to say, what people need, how to react. it's a strange place to be in, realizing his own footing is off just slightly enough to shift his balance. that mal disappearing, that mal being gone, hits him hard enough to cause it.

he can only imagine what she's going through. which is what he has to remind himself - he's had hours to come to this conclusion, to process, where does that leave her? sam watches as she pulls herself together, as she puffs herself up. she forcing an appearance, in front of him, and it feels...god, it feels bad, thinking they've been living this long together and she still feels like she has to. ]

Because I'm worried about you, Alina. [ it comes out quickly, honestly. where her voice nearly cracks with the question, sam feels like he's filling space. overflowing, not caring so much to be reserved, or gentle, with his emotions. ] Because I know what it feels like when someone is gone, and you're desperate to find them. [ and maybe there is more he can say, here. more about how it feels to lose someone who is your right side, half of your whole. sam doesn't understand, entirely, the relationship between alina and mal, but he does know what it feels like to lose your best friend. and even if this isn't at all the same, there are enough similarities, enough panicked looks. mal isn't dead, mal didn't fall into the sand, but mal is gone and alina is looking for answers.

once again, sam looks at alina and is reminded of a wounded animal. someone who has been hurt, probably by people she trusted. it's why he never pushed himself into her space, why he'd never push, not even now. why, even as his own words feel a bit like a plea in and of themselves, he doesn't step closer to her. how he actually lets his hands fall to his sides. he wants to help so badly, and he wants to make sure she is safe, in part because he cares, but in equal part because he knows that is all mal would ask of him. just as it was all he asked of him in the castle, too.

but her pleading is honest, and sam feels himself start to deflate a little. how do you say no, to something like that? ]

Okay. [ it comes after a pause, where sam just kind of watches the emotions cross alina's face. part of him nearly mentions how he'd never want to keep her here against her will, how - if she'd really wanted to go - he would have let her. but she offers that last bit of it, that i'll be back before dark, and sam feels a sort of panicked tension leave his chest. ] Okay. If you can be back before dark... [ his eyes flit over to the little nest he'd set up for red in the corner, red and silver feathers, settled and staring back. part of him thinks about sending red to follow her, just in case, but thinks better of it.

this is all about trust, isn't it? how he wants her to trust him, and how he has to trust her in return. they are but strangers, to each other, no matter how he might wish it to be different. so sam takes a breath, and pulls himself back together again - taking a breath and setting his hands on her shoulders, leaning down a bit to catch her eyes. there's nothing inherently aggressive about the movement, or at least he hopes so, as he gives her a small, tired smile. ]

If you find him, kick his ass for worrying us all, okay? And I'll see you tonight.