Istredd knows they're on a precipice and usually this relationship has been about Istredd loving and accepting inch by inch what he's allowed to get back. He never pushes, he always takes it, he's the devoted one, the martyr. But he did all that with the certainty that Lucifer loved him, that he could feel in their bond that it wasn't him alone.
He hasn't rejected him but he's angry too and he's starting to feel like there's more than one twist in this that maybe they've always had to talk about and never did until pushed. Until this moment when he doesn't shy away from Lucifer and he doesn't pull away either, leaving them in this grip.
"So it's always going to be about you. Never about me. Never about what I need, what I want. Am I your partner, Lucifer? Or your pet, who you expect to worship and obey and doesn't get to have a say."
There is a power imbalance in more than one way, and it's one that Istredd has allowed all this time, but now it feels like if he continues to give in eternally, that's all he'll ever get.
"Every step of the way I have had to pull you with me. I've had to beg and scrape for your love, and I've done it. And I'm done being the only one who gives a shit enough to fight." He lifts a hand and puts it over Lucifer's heart. "If I choose you, you have to choose me. You have to say that you want me, and you want us, and you don't want to lose this."
He steps away from him, out of his grip, putting some distance between them. "If you can't, then I'll make a life for myself here, and you can do what you want with your life. I want you exactly as you are, but I deserve a partner for life. I'm not accepting anything less."
no subject
He hasn't rejected him but he's angry too and he's starting to feel like there's more than one twist in this that maybe they've always had to talk about and never did until pushed. Until this moment when he doesn't shy away from Lucifer and he doesn't pull away either, leaving them in this grip.
"So it's always going to be about you. Never about me. Never about what I need, what I want. Am I your partner, Lucifer? Or your pet, who you expect to worship and obey and doesn't get to have a say."
There is a power imbalance in more than one way, and it's one that Istredd has allowed all this time, but now it feels like if he continues to give in eternally, that's all he'll ever get.
"Every step of the way I have had to pull you with me. I've had to beg and scrape for your love, and I've done it. And I'm done being the only one who gives a shit enough to fight." He lifts a hand and puts it over Lucifer's heart. "If I choose you, you have to choose me. You have to say that you want me, and you want us, and you don't want to lose this."
He steps away from him, out of his grip, putting some distance between them. "If you can't, then I'll make a life for myself here, and you can do what you want with your life. I want you exactly as you are, but I deserve a partner for life. I'm not accepting anything less."