( The more he breathes, the wider he feels that yawning ache in his chest opening up. Here, now, with Cas in proximity, visible and alive, it's like the floodgates are cracking open. It's like being back in that room in the Bunker, it's like being back on the floor in the aftermath of a confession and a loss in the exact same fucking moment.
His inhales feel shallow, his chest tight.
To Jo--
The glass makes it as far as his lips, but he doesn't think he can swallow yet, and so he lowers it right back down again, still full. He stares down at the place his calloused fingers are wrapped around it, the sweat of the glass beading down and wetting them, and an energy mounts higher and faster somewhere just above his sternum.
After a second, he shakes his head once.
And then again.
You selfish- How could you- You left me- I can't-
All terrible, all bad starts, all he swallows down before they manage to escape his throat. Eventually he finds words, slow and measured, with his eyes locked on his glass in order to keep his composure — something he knows will fly right out the window the moment they make eye contact. )
We need to get something straight here, now. ( A pause, for processing. His. Castiel's. Both. ) If you plan to ever do something like that to me again... if you plan on making that same choice, if you plan on leaving... then I want you to get up and walk out right now.
no subject
His inhales feel shallow, his chest tight.
To Jo--
The glass makes it as far as his lips, but he doesn't think he can swallow yet, and so he lowers it right back down again, still full. He stares down at the place his calloused fingers are wrapped around it, the sweat of the glass beading down and wetting them, and an energy mounts higher and faster somewhere just above his sternum.
After a second, he shakes his head once.
And then again.
You selfish-
How could you-
You left me-
I can't-
All terrible, all bad starts, all he swallows down before they manage to escape his throat. Eventually he finds words, slow and measured, with his eyes locked on his glass in order to keep his composure — something he knows will fly right out the window the moment they make eye contact. )
We need to get something straight here, now. ( A pause, for processing. His. Castiel's. Both. ) If you plan to ever do something like that to me again... if you plan on making that same choice, if you plan on leaving... then I want you to get up and walk out right now.