[ CATCH-ALL ] and what you see is not the dark

[wiedzminka]

Who: Ciri & the friends(?) she made along the way
When: end of May - mid June
Where: Cadens, Nocwich, Horizon maybe
What: catching up after the wild and wacky 800 years that didn't happen
Warnings: in subject lines if necessary but probably none

it's just the gods upturning inkpots
'cause they know what you'll become

Comments

[gynvael]

[ She will discover him downstairs, where he often is when not hunting or tending to the horses. The house has been equal parts frenetic and quiet. Geralt has not interfered with Jaskier's dogged determination to bake every fucking loaf of bread in the Free Cities.

The days are still young. He imagines in time, things will...be less fraught.

He keeps a close eye on Ciri, but otherwise leaves her be. She will talk when she's ready, and so he is not surprised when she eventually appears at the bottom of the stairs. He glances up from his work table, a small vial in his hand. ]

I thought a big one might be excessive.

[wiedzminka]

[ The joke lands, at least enough to tease out a brief lift at the corner of her mouth. Ciri takes a few steps toward him, eyes skimming over whatever he's working on automatically to see if she can figure it out, though she doesn't ask in this case. There are other things on her mind. ]

Hey. Can we talk?

About... you know.

[gynvael]

[ It's an ongoing experiment with sword oil, to see if he can enhance the blade—though he does not realize that soon, this will be unnecessary when his sword mysteriously splits a boulder in half like butter. So much for his work over the past two months.

For now, he's oblivious to what lies ahead. He puts his equipment aside, full attention on Ciri. Their memories (visions) were not unpleasant, but what they came back to...the uncertainty is tough to ignore.

He wants what they had. But he wants it because they forged that road themselves. Not because some mystical power saw fit to absorb them into its consciousness. ]

Sure. [ He walks around the table, joining her by the shelves. ] What's on your mind?

[wiedzminka]

[ He knows what's on her mind. Ciri sighs.

It seems so easy for him to go back to his daily life, and while she makes an effort and her struggles aren't nearly as obvious nor as pastry-based as Jaskier's, it's still... difficult. Seeing Jaskier not himself, either, has been difficult to watch. She's spoken with a few others about their thoughts and experiences coming out of what they've seen (not quite lived through), but Geralt is who she looks to in the end. For reassurance, if not exactly guidance.

He's always and ever stubbornly Geralt. She's pretty sure she knows what his answer will be. ]

How do you feel about it?

I want to know what's on your mind. That thing toyed with us, made us feel all those things that didn't happen. Jaskier and Yennefer wanted it to be real, didn't they?

What about you? I want to know what you think of it all.

[gynvael]

[ His arms fold across his chest. A small sigh escapes him. What is on his mind? Jaskier, primarily. Ciri. Yennefer, though her letter has done much to reassure him. He worries for them more than over a rush of centuries. ]

Do you recall when you first entered the Horizon? How your past faded? [ Regardless of her answer, he continues. ] I was amongst the first. We entered through the crater, just as we did here, and were lost inside it for weeks. I met faces anew. Built friendships. Found—a family.

[ With her. A shadow of her he does not mention now. ]

When we awoke, I felt the loss of something I never truly had. But...as time passed, I came to understand those memories remain in all of us. Whatever we felt—the world it took place in might not have existed. But the people in it, we are real.

[ He pauses. It's complicated. The line between illusion and memory. He gave her the little cabin because it means something to her as it does to him. The fact that he did not build it on this plane doesn't change that. It doesn't make the memory any less important. She's right: there's an unyielding stubbornness to his perspective. He simply does not want to give some vision or god the power to make him question his reality. To worm in doubts about what is or isn't possible.

He's only ever sought one thing. ]

I want a life for us. One without fear or unending loss. [ The immortality, the power—all of that is mere window dressing. What he held onto the most was that she no longer had anything to be afraid of. ] I don't think we need to forsake our choices to have it.

[wiedzminka]

[ His nature is slow to change; it's always been this way, and -- if the stretched-out time spent together in the Singularity's crater is any indication -- he always will be. Sometimes, this is frustrating to her, even infuriating. Just as often, though, it is a source of steadiness and strength.

He gives her what she needs: reassurance that spears through the doubt clouding her waking hours these past days, a light to follow out of it. Something behind Ciri's ribs loosens. She lets out a slow breath. ]

The people were real. Some of them, people I've barely met before, or never even laid eyes on.

Is the time spent with them real if it didn't happen?

I keep thinking about it. And-- [ Briefly, she hesitates, looking away toward the shelves where some of the specimens are kept. ] I wonder also what the others remember. I didn't keep secrets after a time. The time might not have been real, but the secrets still are.

It's too much to hope for that no one will ask questions.

[gynvael]

[ Is it? She isn't wrong to ask. For Geralt, he has chosen to believe that if they agree it is real, then that's that. But he recognizes he has the benefit of having had no one in his life during those years behave...in ways he could not reconcile. In truth, were he was to doubt anything, it'd have happened much earlier—two years ago, when he awoke with the scorching memories of Yennefer's betrayal. A vision she did not hold but that he knew in his heart was true.

And yet. What made it true? Because Ciri and Jaskier also held the same memories?

He is aware, though, that for Ciri it goes beyond that. There are secrets she holds that may not have mattered throughout those centuries, but now again do. They've protected them as long as they can. Her presence at the Singularity revealed nothing, at least. ]

Let them ask, [ he says eventually. ] I trust your judgment.

[ They are no longer newly arrived on a world surrounded by strangers and unknowns. If this is to be her home, and if there are those she believes a friend, perhaps they ought to know...a few details. Some. It might relieve some of her burdens to share them.

And for those who are not, they'd have discovered that sooner or later. It may as well be now. ]

[wiedzminka]

[ She's thinking, of course, of Viktor. But it won't be only him. Already, Cid has started asking questions based on whatever understanding he had in the visions they only half-remember. How scattered are his memories? What of Ciri's own, not knowing who might be aware of things she never intended?

Slowly, she lets out a breath. Nods once. ]

I hope it won't come to it. But should there be problems...

Well. [ Ciri lifts her head again, offering a smile. They haven't solved anything. Nothing has actually changed. But it feels as though a burden has been lifted from her chest, just knowing Geralt stands with her, as he always does. It has helped, talking to him. ]

We'll handle things as they come. As we always do.

[ Together. ]