[ some part of yennefer remembers how suspicious she had been of him at first. how unused to the attention she'd been, how she couldn't conceptualize anyone wanting any part of the girl she had been. hadn't understood why anyone would want, or care, or even notice that piglet. tissaia had, but only so much as to give yennefer the chance to be someone else. istredd, though? he'd looked at her with bright eyes from that very first moment, and that had meant... more than yennefer is still really willing to say. in many ways, the confidence she carries with her now is due in no small part to that first meeting. their continued meetings. the way he'd wanted her when she was at her most unwanted.
and then he'd appeared in thorne, right at yennefer's lowest. when she'd been, once again, scared and in uncertain territory, desperate for an escape from where she found herself, but rather than helpless, she'd been angry, and then istredd had been summoned.
every since, he had been a kind of rock for her. a grounding force that she did not have to parse through, someone where she did not have to worry about layers, about masks, about what has and what hasn't been said. even after she'd gotten access to her chaos back, even after she had all the means to protect herself that she'd been so desperate for before, their partnership had become habit. a familiar, comfortable, welcome part of her everyday life.
and now it was gone.
yennefer hasn't had time to really think of it in terms of loss, in terms of a version of her life that is now gone, because survival had taken first priority. but seeing istredd now, his sadness and also his quiet, and knowing that this isn't real... that, if she wanted, she could manipulate this very cave and each other, because they cannot simply go down to the caves at a whim. they cannot see each other except for when permission is given.
she frowns at the mention of the jail-break, as she shifts ever so slightly to fully align herself against his side. ]
Is that how Sidwell's holding himself, then? Following whims and interests and moving on? [ she snorts, shakes her head. ] I suppose there's a reason Ellya was, supposedly, his favorite niece. [ istredd's comment is heard, and yennefer lets out a breath - a bit like a sigh, a bit like an audible roll of her eyes. yes, okay, she does understand. she gets it. her thought to stay behind had been a poor choice, and really, she is glad to be free of the castle once and for all. but that doesn't help ease whatever it is that roils in her gut now, doesn't make her feel any better knowing that there are any summoned at all still there.
istredd's arm goes around her and he takes her hand in his, and yennefer does let him, almost leans into the touch a bit as he does. she won't admit it as readily as he does, but she also needs the touch. wants his touch. her eyes are on where his thumb runs over her knuckles, her mind spinning a bit with the possibilities of what she should have done differently, what either of them could have done. ]
Would you have stopped it, even if we did? [ her brow arches a little as she glances at him, genuinely curious. ]
no subject
and then he'd appeared in thorne, right at yennefer's lowest. when she'd been, once again, scared and in uncertain territory, desperate for an escape from where she found herself, but rather than helpless, she'd been angry, and then istredd had been summoned.
every since, he had been a kind of rock for her. a grounding force that she did not have to parse through, someone where she did not have to worry about layers, about masks, about what has and what hasn't been said. even after she'd gotten access to her chaos back, even after she had all the means to protect herself that she'd been so desperate for before, their partnership had become habit. a familiar, comfortable, welcome part of her everyday life.
and now it was gone.
yennefer hasn't had time to really think of it in terms of loss, in terms of a version of her life that is now gone, because survival had taken first priority. but seeing istredd now, his sadness and also his quiet, and knowing that this isn't real... that, if she wanted, she could manipulate this very cave and each other, because they cannot simply go down to the caves at a whim. they cannot see each other except for when permission is given.
she frowns at the mention of the jail-break, as she shifts ever so slightly to fully align herself against his side. ]
Is that how Sidwell's holding himself, then? Following whims and interests and moving on? [ she snorts, shakes her head. ] I suppose there's a reason Ellya was, supposedly, his favorite niece. [ istredd's comment is heard, and yennefer lets out a breath - a bit like a sigh, a bit like an audible roll of her eyes. yes, okay, she does understand. she gets it. her thought to stay behind had been a poor choice, and really, she is glad to be free of the castle once and for all. but that doesn't help ease whatever it is that roils in her gut now, doesn't make her feel any better knowing that there are any summoned at all still there.
istredd's arm goes around her and he takes her hand in his, and yennefer does let him, almost leans into the touch a bit as he does. she won't admit it as readily as he does, but she also needs the touch. wants his touch. her eyes are on where his thumb runs over her knuckles, her mind spinning a bit with the possibilities of what she should have done differently, what either of them could have done. ]
Would you have stopped it, even if we did? [ her brow arches a little as she glances at him, genuinely curious. ]