He is oblivious in the best of times, he needs to have these sorts of intimate things spelled out for him plainly and in great detail generally speaking, but Julia is direct enough that it sinks in quickly and he doesn't need to play the fool in an effort to skirt around a topic that is so generally distant from him, so — terrifying and thrilling at the same time. But, a bit more terrifying at the moment.
She's kind and gentle like she always is, easing him into it. Hearing what she says, though, feeling her hands around his, it grounds him. He can feel and hear her nerves and he wants to steady her, which helps him put aside his own trepidation.
"What I want is..." He takes a breath, leans down briefly to kiss her wrists. "I know you just said it, but I do need to ask one more time. You're absolutely sure? There's no going back, which is the point, I realize, but there's you right here in front of me and you're so very, very important and I need to make certain." It all comes out in a rush, and he squeezes her hands, moving his thumb across her wrist. "What I mean is, I — I haven't done this...well, you know. A long time. And if we do, I would be yours. Completely yours, Julia."
And that scares him, but not nearly as much as the thought of ever losing her. Which is usually why he never gets this close to begin with, and he's trying so very, very hard to just keep holding onto her and not pull away. She's been brave enough to say this at all, and he's going to be brave enough to stand here in it with her.
It's knowing that possible future, it's feeling the depth of emotions swirling in him now — it's all of that together that makes it feel like a step towards unspoken commitment, which would normally terrify him even more and have him running for the door. Except this isn't his life, nothing close to the life he's lived for so long. There's something about living all these long years and being trapped here now, and having the glimpse at a life he's never had that makes him want to know it for the first time, with her.
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She's kind and gentle like she always is, easing him into it. Hearing what she says, though, feeling her hands around his, it grounds him. He can feel and hear her nerves and he wants to steady her, which helps him put aside his own trepidation.
"What I want is..." He takes a breath, leans down briefly to kiss her wrists. "I know you just said it, but I do need to ask one more time. You're absolutely sure? There's no going back, which is the point, I realize, but there's you right here in front of me and you're so very, very important and I need to make certain." It all comes out in a rush, and he squeezes her hands, moving his thumb across her wrist. "What I mean is, I — I haven't done this...well, you know. A long time. And if we do, I would be yours. Completely yours, Julia."
And that scares him, but not nearly as much as the thought of ever losing her. Which is usually why he never gets this close to begin with, and he's trying so very, very hard to just keep holding onto her and not pull away. She's been brave enough to say this at all, and he's going to be brave enough to stand here in it with her.
It's knowing that possible future, it's feeling the depth of emotions swirling in him now — it's all of that together that makes it feel like a step towards unspoken commitment, which would normally terrify him even more and have him running for the door. Except this isn't his life, nothing close to the life he's lived for so long. There's something about living all these long years and being trapped here now, and having the glimpse at a life he's never had that makes him want to know it for the first time, with her.