abraxaslogs | [ CLOSED ] - CAN'T I CATCH MY BREATH?

[ They have an unspoken agreement of ignoring the elephant in the room. The elephant? The fact that she wanted to strangle him in the castle's safe room. (What she doesn't acknowledge is why—his stories of the Fold had taken her back to a time she didn't wish to think about, during a moment that reminded her too much of home, with a man who she didn't know how to protect. Zoya doesn't like being reminded of her shortcomings.)

It's good that they're ignoring it. That means that they can walk side by side through the castle to wander into town and, well, gathering some information about the new monarchs in power. They're currently walking one of the hallways leading to the big castle doors. It's Zoya's idea, of course. She cannot stay still.

Zoya tilts her head up and doesn't look at him. She smiles softly, proud. ]

I'm a representative.

[ He would've heard by now, of course. Everyone with a brain should. Zoya lets it sit for a moment before she looks at him with a frown. ]

What did I sign myself up for?

[ She's so funny. ]

Congratulations.

( he tries not to sound too amused by that fact but doesn't quite make it. he can't help himself, though. he knows zoya will do a good job even if the ins and outs of thorne are quite messy. )

Why did you sign up if you didn't know what you were getting into?

It sounded important.

[ She can tell him the truth, right? Granted, that's a very, very, very small part of the truth. ]

And it seemed like this territory could use someone who isn't an idiot representing it. [ She glances at him, giving him a disparaging once-over. ] I'm surprised you didn't put yourself forward. You are an idiot.

[ (affectionate) ]

I do enough of that at home.

( he waves a hand and shakes his head. )

I really don't want to get too involved in the machinations and inner workings of the Thorne political system. I can do plenty by being Sturmhond again.

[ Really? She does. Though she doubts she needs to tell him why—it gives her a sense of control to continue operating within a realm she knows like the back of her own hand. (And how else will they return to Ravka?)

She rolls her eyes. ]

You can't be a pirate here, Nikolai.

[ Although ??? Maybe he can be ??? ]

And why is that?

( he might not be able to be the kind of pirate he was back in ravka but that hardly matters. )

You telling me I can't makes me want to do it even more now.

[ She can't help her (fond) smile. ]

Is that so?

[ Zoya loves to needle him. She won't admit how much she finds comfort in the fact that he lets her here, in this strange world and even stranger castle. ]

I bet you can't find a decent ship. I doubt you can find a crew.

Are you challenging me?

( why is he asking that question? this is zoya, of course she's challenging him.

he rolls his eyes. )

I can do anything I want to do, Zoya, including finding a ship and a crew.

( he was very persuasive. )

[ Of course, she is. She wants to see him succeed. Perhaps if he finds a ship, she can board it, and they can sail all the way back to Ravka. It's simple because she's declared it so. ]

Then make it happen.

[ Gauntlet thrown as they turn a corner. ]

You have nothing to show me of your efforts. You've grown lazy.

You have no idea what I've done while you've been in Ravka, Zoya.

( don't call him lazy! he's not lazy. he's done a lot of things while he's been stuck here. )

And if I want to put together a ship and a crew, I will. I've already got the ship in my Horizon. What do you have in yours?

It doesn't matter what I've got in mine.

[ Zoya has no desire to inform Nikolai of what she'd seen in her Horizon: her deceased aunt's tea shop, Juris' shadow cast from high in the skies, and the sounds of chickens clucking at her aunt's voice. It doesn't belong in this hallway. Zoya doesn't wish to believe there's an opportunity it isn't real, so she doesn't let herself think about it at all. ]

What is a ship in your Horizon going to do for you?

[ She still can't wrap her head around this Horizon shit. ]

It doesn't?

( no, he thinks it does but he also thinks she just doesn't want to tell him. he raises an eyebrow. )

It makes me comfortable, Zoya. I like being able to have familiarity in some place when it comes to Thorne.

( and this entire world. )

[ Because he doesn't press his question, she feels no inclination to answer it. ]

Is it real?

[ She cocks her brow at him before looking straight ahead. Her question hits deeper than she'd like to admit, but thankfully, her expression remains difficult to read.

The staff in the castle are bustling around normally now like the coup never happened at all. Zoya would steer them on a tangential path to see one of the kitchen staff, but she knew from earlier conversations this morning that the person she was seeking wasn't working today.

Make yourself useful and open the castle door, Nikolai. ]

What does that matter?

( there's a hint of steeliness to his tone even as he steps forward to reach for and open the door. )

It's real enough and you'll find that the Horizon is an invaluable resource, Zoya. Even if you detest it right now.

[ So, it's not real.

While Zoya wishes to argue (she always wants to fight), the blast of fresh air does her wonders. She wants to stretch like a tiger in the sun, but she doesn't raise her arms above her head and heed the desire. Instead, she gives into the good mood the fresh, sharp air grants her, and changes the topic. (She's the mature one.) ]

There's this girl who works in the kitchens. She was nice to be during my first week here. We're going to see her. [ She looks at Nikolai and cocks her brow. ] Is that alright with you?

[ She's not really asking. ]

Why?

( are they going to see her, that is? it's good that she was nice to zoya and all but he wonders at why they have to go seek this person out. )

Are you going just for a social call?

[ Does she really need to explain this to him? Saints, he's really gotten lazy since being here.

With as much patience as she can muster (which isn't a lot) - ]

We have a new monarch in power. She works in the palace. Don't you think having a friend who works in the castle would be beneficial, Nikolai?

I don't know because Thorne isn't like Ravka, Zoya. We have no knowledge of this monarch and one positive interaction with someone from the castle doesn't mean they're going to be loyal.

( she does have a point of getting in with the new monarchy but he doesn't know if this is the best way. )

She could turn on us when we least expect it.

And she could not turn on us. It's a gamble we make, but at least I am making one.

[ At least she's doing something! She scoffs, shaking her head, angered that he's knocked aside her forward thinking. They're supposed to be a team, and yet it feels like he's dug his heels into the ground and refuses even to move. She quickens, wishing to outstep him, uncaring if it's petulant. ]

Stay in the castle. I'm going.

You are ridiculous.

( said almost affectionately.

he huffs though and starts to follow her because she is right and he's not going to let her go alone. )

How did you meet this person anyway? When did you have the time?

[ Affronted - ]

I'll have you know I'm an incredibly likeable person, Nikolai. I can make friends with almost anyone.

[ Not true. Zoya's picky and prickly, and her disposition is one that turns people away more than it draws them to her. But he already knows this. That's the whole reason why she insists she's the opposite.

But that need to be affronted seeps from her. ]

She was kind to me during my first few days here—before I found you. [ She shrugs, wishing to downplay the significance of her confession. ] That kindness meant a lot, given the circumstances of us being brought here.

If you say so.

( nikolai might not know her well but he knows that's not true just from what he's seen of her. still, if she wants to believe that, he can let her do that.

he smirks to himself. )

Well, I'm glad you were able to find someone to help you during those first few days. I know how that can be. I didn't really realize anyone that I knew was here for quite some time.

[ That gives her pause. Zoya frowns as she considers his words and the people she's seen and heard from in Thorne thus far. She keeps her strides long, determined to walk away from the castle and into town to get this task over with before lunch. ]

Who else is here?

Jesper. Kaz. Inej was here at one point but I believe she's gone now.

( he glances over at her to see if she reacts to the names. )

I talk to Jesper fairly regularly through the Horizon. He's in the Free Cities. I believe that's where Kaz is as well.

[ Brekker. Of course, that canal rat was here. Zoya doesn't hide her displeasure; it's clear that she recognises the names. ]

I'd take Tolya and his poetry over Brekker any day.

[ Saints, how she missed him. Zoya shakes her head, annoyed that territorial disputes meant that there was a chance conspiring with Brekker and Fahey would be harder than she'd like. At least she had Nikolai, whose annoying habits were familiar to her. ]

Clearly they're both being useless. I'd have thought someone as slimy as Kaz Brekker would've found his way back to the dump he calls a city by now.

[ CLOSED ] - CAN'T I CATCH MY BREATH?

EARLY JULY.

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