Only Kaz can really give him the sort of confidence he needs when he's particularly low. Their relationship is founded on Jesper eager for Kaz's love and approval, craving it despite Kaz's originally withholding nature, and how special it was when he got it. They're long past that now considering Kaz is intentionally curling his fingers underneath Jesper's shirt to touch his bare skin. One gesture like that from Kaz is like anyone else ripping off their clothes.
Jesper is usually very confident in himself and his lovability, but this is his biggest blindspot. He gets in his head and the self-loathing comes out. Who could love him at his worst? Who could love the guy who gave up his father's farm for money, who spent all theirs last time? Jesper is weak, and he feels that way, but Kaz makes him stronger. That is why he came here, to leech off of Kaz's certainty.
It means something to him, to be told that he'll still be loved. A part of him doubts it's possible. Jesper sighs and goes up on his elbow to look down at Kaz. He kisses him tenderly, amazed as always that he gets this, that Kaz Brekker will always be his.
"I don't want to be the fuck up anymore, Kaz." That is how Jesper saw himself and how he felt he was in the Crows. The one who made mistakes and the others, especially Kaz, cleaned up after him. He nearly got Inej killed because of his mouth, and a dozen other times when it was his fault things went wrong. He's cleaned up so much of his act but he still feels like the fuck up.
sorry for the wait. LIFE *waves hand*
Jesper is usually very confident in himself and his lovability, but this is his biggest blindspot. He gets in his head and the self-loathing comes out. Who could love him at his worst? Who could love the guy who gave up his father's farm for money, who spent all theirs last time? Jesper is weak, and he feels that way, but Kaz makes him stronger. That is why he came here, to leech off of Kaz's certainty.
It means something to him, to be told that he'll still be loved. A part of him doubts it's possible. Jesper sighs and goes up on his elbow to look down at Kaz. He kisses him tenderly, amazed as always that he gets this, that Kaz Brekker will always be his.
"I don't want to be the fuck up anymore, Kaz." That is how Jesper saw himself and how he felt he was in the Crows. The one who made mistakes and the others, especially Kaz, cleaned up after him. He nearly got Inej killed because of his mouth, and a dozen other times when it was his fault things went wrong. He's cleaned up so much of his act but he still feels like the fuck up.