There's a part of Kaz that could argue that he wasn't saving Jesper in the beginning. He knew that the actions would save him, but it hadn't been why he'd done it. That doesn't matter now though. They're here and have come this far, and so it doesn't matter how they got here because Jesper is right. No matter how it started, it is what they do for one another.
Anytime there's water he thinks of that night, of the darkness and the death and the determination that shaped the man he is.
But in that moment it's something else. It's the life of the Barrel that he had shaped to his needs and desires. Those there spoke of how the Barrel changed a man, how it changed his future, but for Kaz it had been the other way around. He had changed how things were done in the Barrel to fit his needs, and it was driven by his desires. Egotistical, perhaps, but then he was still, somewhere within, the Bastard of the Barrel and water like this shaped it in a very literal sense.
But that night had changed Kaz, and yet he'd never stopped to truly think about what had happened. That night was about his brother dying, and the scam that had killed him... but in all he had done, Jordie's actions were for Kaz's sake. Even in death, his last act had been to save Kaz's life and he'd never honored that. Only mourned in his darkest anger a loss that never should have happened.
But it had.
His hand took Jesper's, bringing it to the sickening flesh that had only driven him further within himself in the pit. A reminder to him of the night everything changed, even if it meant different things to others. Now it would act as Jordie once had and be their escape not his prison.
"Shape it for us to hold on to, to use to find a way out of the water. Something with a hollow center that will float." Even in this he can't bring himself to say body shaped, though it's what he's thinking. "We're not waiting for someone else. We rescue ourselves."
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Anytime there's water he thinks of that night, of the darkness and the death and the determination that shaped the man he is.
But in that moment it's something else. It's the life of the Barrel that he had shaped to his needs and desires. Those there spoke of how the Barrel changed a man, how it changed his future, but for Kaz it had been the other way around. He had changed how things were done in the Barrel to fit his needs, and it was driven by his desires. Egotistical, perhaps, but then he was still, somewhere within, the Bastard of the Barrel and water like this shaped it in a very literal sense.
But that night had changed Kaz, and yet he'd never stopped to truly think about what had happened. That night was about his brother dying, and the scam that had killed him... but in all he had done, Jordie's actions were for Kaz's sake. Even in death, his last act had been to save Kaz's life and he'd never honored that. Only mourned in his darkest anger a loss that never should have happened.
But it had.
His hand took Jesper's, bringing it to the sickening flesh that had only driven him further within himself in the pit. A reminder to him of the night everything changed, even if it meant different things to others. Now it would act as Jordie once had and be their escape not his prison.
"Shape it for us to hold on to, to use to find a way out of the water. Something with a hollow center that will float." Even in this he can't bring himself to say body shaped, though it's what he's thinking. "We're not waiting for someone else. We rescue ourselves."