He'd wanted to believe the pit hadn't been real either, but as each day dragged out, he'd been unable to deny the truth.
But Jesper hadn't been with him then and he's here now and it's different. It's as if all his nightmares are coming together but he wants to hold to one thought. That this says more about who he's become than what this place is trying to do to them.
Even if the memories are almost too much. Of this same situation, of his brother's body, of the sensation of skin and...
He doesn't stop and think. He does what feels right. In that moment of panic that had changed his life and given him the inability to be close to others... he reaches out and closes his bare hand over Jesper's wrist as he puts more into kicking his feet, to get them out of there. That touches steadies him, brings him in focus. A little dizzy but it grounds him in a way so little else ever has.
And maybe coincidence, maybe because of it, the water seems to recede and Jesper finds his footing. His fingers close around Jesper's, stepping in closer to him as he gains his footing. Just a moment, needing that closeness in a way he would have before needed to flee and be as far from others as he could. He draws a breath, eyes fluttering open and he sees, just past Jesper, a symbol seemingly carved into the rock.
Keeping a tight hold of Jesper's hand, not realizing just how much something that used to be his greatest weakness is strengthening him now as he steps closer to the wall and runs his fingers over it, tracing the lines around it forming the very "R" that is tattooed on his arm.
"Now they're giving me clues?" He rolls his eyes, sounding a bit more like himself. "Not tossing me into the pit again would have been better."
The rock is warm beneath his hand, vibrating softly, and then it cracks with a sharp sound and the rock crumbles into dust and leaving a small alcove carved into the rock. At first he doesn't see anything. Then he realizes there's a few slips of paper flat against the rock. Even before he picks them up he knows what they are. They've been in his possession for years.
Jesper's markers from the casinos in the Barrel and a scrap of paper from Inej's contract, the piece torn from a larger piece and bearing a pair of familiar signatures.
With the water and the flesh like walls of the Pit, he would have thought this was about his phobia, but in that moment he knows the truth. It's about not why they're in his life but why they're still there. His fingers tightening against Jesper's as he sets the scraps of paper back down against the rock.
perfect to me
But Jesper hadn't been with him then and he's here now and it's different. It's as if all his nightmares are coming together but he wants to hold to one thought. That this says more about who he's become than what this place is trying to do to them.
Even if the memories are almost too much. Of this same situation, of his brother's body, of the sensation of skin and...
He doesn't stop and think. He does what feels right. In that moment of panic that had changed his life and given him the inability to be close to others... he reaches out and closes his bare hand over Jesper's wrist as he puts more into kicking his feet, to get them out of there. That touches steadies him, brings him in focus. A little dizzy but it grounds him in a way so little else ever has.
And maybe coincidence, maybe because of it, the water seems to recede and Jesper finds his footing. His fingers close around Jesper's, stepping in closer to him as he gains his footing. Just a moment, needing that closeness in a way he would have before needed to flee and be as far from others as he could. He draws a breath, eyes fluttering open and he sees, just past Jesper, a symbol seemingly carved into the rock.
Keeping a tight hold of Jesper's hand, not realizing just how much something that used to be his greatest weakness is strengthening him now as he steps closer to the wall and runs his fingers over it, tracing the lines around it forming the very "R" that is tattooed on his arm.
"Now they're giving me clues?" He rolls his eyes, sounding a bit more like himself. "Not tossing me into the pit again would have been better."
The rock is warm beneath his hand, vibrating softly, and then it cracks with a sharp sound and the rock crumbles into dust and leaving a small alcove carved into the rock. At first he doesn't see anything. Then he realizes there's a few slips of paper flat against the rock. Even before he picks them up he knows what they are. They've been in his possession for years.
Jesper's markers from the casinos in the Barrel and a scrap of paper from Inej's contract, the piece torn from a larger piece and bearing a pair of familiar signatures.
With the water and the flesh like walls of the Pit, he would have thought this was about his phobia, but in that moment he knows the truth. It's about not why they're in his life but why they're still there. His fingers tightening against Jesper's as he sets the scraps of paper back down against the rock.
"I know the way out of here."