"A good thing then I don't take chances. The game always goes to the house."
Which maybe he shouldn't talk about his love for Jesper in that way but it was true. He had made sure that Jesper was always his, even if that hadn't been what the other man would have wanted, but it was a bet worth taking that they both wanted the same thing. And now here they were.
Without this, without this connection they have and that has grown over the years they've shared in this place, Kaz had no idea how he would be when Jesper asked that million dollar question. Likely in the worst possible places and it wouldn't be good for anyone.
But instead he has this, and he has Jesper.
"The truth? I don't know yet."
Which is more honest than he's normally capable of. The standard answer is that he's fine, that nothing's wrong, but he knows that isn't true... and he knows that Jesper would know that. Something has changed. he's just not sure what that means but he feels...
"I feel lighter. I just don't know what it is."
Yet in finding a way to get out of that trap, and to do so with the memories of Jordie but without it being his brother, something feels like it's taken away part of that weight on his shoulders.
"I just know that the things we talked about after we were gods, suddenly I'm understanding things." About how he could move on and yet not utterly give up Jordie... or how he'd come to place as a god and hadn't had those horrors shaping everything he said and did.
no subject
Which maybe he shouldn't talk about his love for Jesper in that way but it was true. He had made sure that Jesper was always his, even if that hadn't been what the other man would have wanted, but it was a bet worth taking that they both wanted the same thing. And now here they were.
Without this, without this connection they have and that has grown over the years they've shared in this place, Kaz had no idea how he would be when Jesper asked that million dollar question. Likely in the worst possible places and it wouldn't be good for anyone.
But instead he has this, and he has Jesper.
"The truth? I don't know yet."
Which is more honest than he's normally capable of. The standard answer is that he's fine, that nothing's wrong, but he knows that isn't true... and he knows that Jesper would know that. Something has changed. he's just not sure what that means but he feels...
"I feel lighter. I just don't know what it is."
Yet in finding a way to get out of that trap, and to do so with the memories of Jordie but without it being his brother, something feels like it's taken away part of that weight on his shoulders.
"I just know that the things we talked about after we were gods, suddenly I'm understanding things." About how he could move on and yet not utterly give up Jordie... or how he'd come to place as a god and hadn't had those horrors shaping everything he said and did.