[ The Fonz isn't part of his haphazard mental rolodex of Nayeshi pop culture references. He purses his lips, looking a bit embarrassed when Jack says I love you, too now, and shakes his head. ]
It's not just you. I think I'm not a very good friend.
[ In general, having little practice at it. Maybe he was kidding himself up until now, when it turns out it mattered. He shakes his head again, staring out at the water. ]
I was going to tell you before I was even ready to go. [ Long before, with his original timeline for all of this. He just didn't expect to suddenly find himself transported to exactly the place he wanted to be, and like Lucifer accused him - it feels like his fault. He grimaces. ]
I think - something about what you said made it feel like... a dismissal. You weren't judging me, but it sounded like you didn't want to hear anything else. And I get that's not what you meant, but - I feel guilty. And sometimes I hear things how I'm used to hearing them, where I'm from.
[ Where there is no one who cares about him - and the only person who did sent him away. Where no one cares to hear how he feels about anything. Where he cannot live openly with a male lover, and has been made all his life to feel guilt about that part of himself. That voice he always thinks he's banished still comes around to say: you don't deserve to be happy. None of this is really on Jack, it just landed on him. ]
no subject
It's not just you. I think I'm not a very good friend.
[ In general, having little practice at it. Maybe he was kidding himself up until now, when it turns out it mattered. He shakes his head again, staring out at the water. ]
I was going to tell you before I was even ready to go. [ Long before, with his original timeline for all of this. He just didn't expect to suddenly find himself transported to exactly the place he wanted to be, and like Lucifer accused him - it feels like his fault. He grimaces. ]
I think - something about what you said made it feel like... a dismissal. You weren't judging me, but it sounded like you didn't want to hear anything else. And I get that's not what you meant, but - I feel guilty. And sometimes I hear things how I'm used to hearing them, where I'm from.
[ Where there is no one who cares about him - and the only person who did sent him away. Where no one cares to hear how he feels about anything. Where he cannot live openly with a male lover, and has been made all his life to feel guilt about that part of himself. That voice he always thinks he's banished still comes around to say: you don't deserve to be happy. None of this is really on Jack, it just landed on him. ]