You don't have to apologize - [ he follows up quickly, needing to reassure again. He didn't need Viktor to say it back - everything he's given him up until now has been enough. He hasn't forgotten how this began, when Viktor laid out his fears of being hurt again.
But it's clear from the way his voice cracks just slightly, swallowing down a lump in his throat as he lets both arms wrap around Viktor again to pull him close. He'd been taught all his life that this wasn't something he could have, or deserved. He still isn't certain he deserves this happiness, but he desperately wants to hold onto it - and if they can't say these words again, then he can keep finding ways to show him. He wants to wake up next to him in the mornings, to kiss all the little marks and freckles across his body. He wants to slip behind him while he's working and try to distract him, he wants to feel his excitement at some new breakthrough - even when he sometimes half understands what he's talking about.
It takes him a minute to ride this out, this sensation like his heart might burst. He swallows again, speaking when he's sure his voice won't crack again. ]
When we can be alone again, there's more I should tell you - things I did before I came here.
[ Just a moment ago he had been scared of what Viktor might've picked up from his broken mind. But he realizes, as much as he doesn't want Viktor to know these ugly things, he wants to choose to share it with him, rather than having it happen by accident one day. He feels a little less afraid now, too. His brow furrows, still pressed against Viktor's. ]
I meant what I said in Horizon. [ When he had kneeled in front of him and said he would follow him to Zaun. The way he had done it wasn't right, he understands now - ] I know you want to give me a choice - but I want to stay by your side.
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But it's clear from the way his voice cracks just slightly, swallowing down a lump in his throat as he lets both arms wrap around Viktor again to pull him close. He'd been taught all his life that this wasn't something he could have, or deserved. He still isn't certain he deserves this happiness, but he desperately wants to hold onto it - and if they can't say these words again, then he can keep finding ways to show him. He wants to wake up next to him in the mornings, to kiss all the little marks and freckles across his body. He wants to slip behind him while he's working and try to distract him, he wants to feel his excitement at some new breakthrough - even when he sometimes half understands what he's talking about.
It takes him a minute to ride this out, this sensation like his heart might burst. He swallows again, speaking when he's sure his voice won't crack again. ]
When we can be alone again, there's more I should tell you - things I did before I came here.
[ Just a moment ago he had been scared of what Viktor might've picked up from his broken mind. But he realizes, as much as he doesn't want Viktor to know these ugly things, he wants to choose to share it with him, rather than having it happen by accident one day. He feels a little less afraid now, too. His brow furrows, still pressed against Viktor's. ]
I meant what I said in Horizon. [ When he had kneeled in front of him and said he would follow him to Zaun. The way he had done it wasn't right, he understands now - ] I know you want to give me a choice - but I want to stay by your side.
[ Where they go doesn't matter to him. ]