At least he's smart enough to not mention that Hector and Alucard have identical ways of attempting to help him get through. Things. Which -- poor Hector. First Geralt, now this. Actually, he'd rather go back to after Geralt came back. Things were still manageable. The worst thing he had to deal with was his magic not doing quite what he wanted.
He pauses in his eating, glancing over. Even the swallow tips its head in question. He'd long picked up that something had come up between Alucard and Geralt -- Alucard's reluctance in helping Ciri and he look for him being the most obvious -- but, honestly, he'd never bugged either of them to find out the cause of it.
Geralt saying something that bothered someone? Not entirely a new occurrence.]
He has that effect sometimes.
[It is not meant to be a condemnation nor a defense. It's only a fact. Geralt can be terribly meaningful in his help, but he is still not human. Well. Alucard isn't either, but he acts human, enough so that he is just as set apart from Geralt as Geralt is from humans.
Essentially: it's how it is, sometimes.
A small hmhm noise comes from deep in his throat, and, gods. It might be a laugh. The beginnings of one. The conception of actual humor.] All right, I'm being dramatic. A little. It's -- [He does pause, though, enough that it shows it isn't all entirely a joke. Tragically came to mind because the Continent was just that. Xin'trea. The whole... fuck. Everything.
He wanted to make a difference. And he had. He had. He knows that.]
I don't want to only help myself. I... suppose, like your cemetery, I want to. [He gestures in the air, vaguely, and it's vague because he's also trying to find the way to word it himself.] I want to make things better. I know my music does, in some ways, but it isn't... enough. Anymore.
[And if he's being serious with himself, he can't say he particularly feels inspired to perform. (And that, more than anything, may be what he's running from. If all of this leads to him no longer able to do what he was put on the Continent to do, then what new purpose will he find?)]
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At least he's smart enough to not mention that Hector and Alucard have identical ways of attempting to help him get through. Things. Which -- poor Hector. First Geralt, now this. Actually, he'd rather go back to after Geralt came back. Things were still manageable. The worst thing he had to deal with was his magic not doing quite what he wanted.
He pauses in his eating, glancing over. Even the swallow tips its head in question. He'd long picked up that something had come up between Alucard and Geralt -- Alucard's reluctance in helping Ciri and he look for him being the most obvious -- but, honestly, he'd never bugged either of them to find out the cause of it.
Geralt saying something that bothered someone? Not entirely a new occurrence.]
He has that effect sometimes.
[It is not meant to be a condemnation nor a defense. It's only a fact. Geralt can be terribly meaningful in his help, but he is still not human. Well. Alucard isn't either, but he acts human, enough so that he is just as set apart from Geralt as Geralt is from humans.
Essentially: it's how it is, sometimes.
A small hmhm noise comes from deep in his throat, and, gods. It might be a laugh. The beginnings of one. The conception of actual humor.] All right, I'm being dramatic. A little. It's -- [He does pause, though, enough that it shows it isn't all entirely a joke. Tragically came to mind because the Continent was just that. Xin'trea. The whole... fuck. Everything.
He wanted to make a difference. And he had. He had. He knows that.]
I don't want to only help myself. I... suppose, like your cemetery, I want to. [He gestures in the air, vaguely, and it's vague because he's also trying to find the way to word it himself.] I want to make things better. I know my music does, in some ways, but it isn't... enough. Anymore.
[And if he's being serious with himself, he can't say he particularly feels inspired to perform. (And that, more than anything, may be what he's running from. If all of this leads to him no longer able to do what he was put on the Continent to do, then what new purpose will he find?)]