peter’s still halfway lost in thought when sam jostles him out of it by stopping. peter pivots around to face him. feels guilty that they can’t talk about sam’s appointment instead.
but sam posits the question and there’s a look that flicks through peter’s expression. something wretched and pained and angry.
what happened?
what do you mean, he wants to say, searching sam's face for a moment, as if gauging what to say. wonders if he could have done a better job at pretending, and knows that he should have. never mind that sam was the first person he saw here, from their own world, and never mind that sam was the first person to call him by his name in the grand sum of several too-long weeks and while maybe it makes sense, this spillover of emotion, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel guilty about that, too. just another thing on the list and its funny how much he wishes he had his suit now.
he looks down. sniffs. what happened? ]
A lot. [ is croaked out. ] Aunt May, she —
[ it slips out first, quiet and unsteady. it shouldn’t have. there were other ways to say it, there were more programatic things to talk about. throat like sandpaper, ] A few weeks ago. [ has it been that long? it felt like yesterday. ] I —
It was my fault. [ she’d be alive if he never asked stephen for help, or meddled with a spell. or, hell, maybe he should have just let dr strange send those people back. back to die, and it’s difficult to say he’s glad they didn’t meet that fate, but he is. aunt may taught him better. even if there’s a new sort of anger sitting somewhere in his chest that he doesn't like, kind edges made albeit sharper in ways he can't begin to know yet.
it’s odd. to recount the mistakes that could’ve been prevented.
he feels the loss of many things. of mj and ned and even stephen strange. but they’re all alive, at least. a small consolation. maybe they can even still know him, one day. ]
I messed up and we — Dr. Strange, really — had to fix a lot of my mistakes.
[ there was a cost. there’s always a cost. but there it is, sam. oversimplified and short and honest despite all the missing pieces and his eyes are rimmed red. ] So — I'm just trying to figure things out after that. That's all.
no subject
peter’s still halfway lost in thought when sam jostles him out of it by stopping. peter pivots around to face him. feels guilty that they can’t talk about sam’s appointment instead.
but sam posits the question and there’s a look that flicks through peter’s expression. something wretched and pained and angry.
what happened?
what do you mean, he wants to say, searching sam's face for a moment, as if gauging what to say. wonders if he could have done a better job at pretending, and knows that he should have. never mind that sam was the first person he saw here, from their own world, and never mind that sam was the first person to call him by his name in the grand sum of several too-long weeks and while maybe it makes sense, this spillover of emotion, it doesn't mean he doesn't feel guilty about that, too. just another thing on the list and its funny how much he wishes he had his suit now.
he looks down. sniffs. what happened? ]
A lot. [ is croaked out. ] Aunt May, she —
[ it slips out first, quiet and unsteady. it shouldn’t have. there were other ways to say it, there were more programatic things to talk about. throat like sandpaper, ] A few weeks ago. [ has it been that long? it felt like yesterday. ] I —
It was my fault. [ she’d be alive if he never asked stephen for help, or meddled with a spell. or, hell, maybe he should have just let dr strange send those people back. back to die, and it’s difficult to say he’s glad they didn’t meet that fate, but he is. aunt may taught him better. even if there’s a new sort of anger sitting somewhere in his chest that he doesn't like, kind edges made albeit sharper in ways he can't begin to know yet.
it’s odd. to recount the mistakes that could’ve been prevented.
he feels the loss of many things. of mj and ned and even stephen strange. but they’re all alive, at least. a small consolation. maybe they can even still know him, one day. ]
I messed up and we — Dr. Strange, really — had to fix a lot of my mistakes.
[ there was a cost. there’s always a cost. but there it is, sam. oversimplified and short and honest despite all the missing pieces and his eyes are rimmed red. ] So — I'm just trying to figure things out after that. That's all.