[Whoever that voice belongs to? Alucard's just glad he has someone who gets it. Maybe not with the same emotional connections (because that is very much his mother's voice saying that and she's not wrong), but it's a reminder of why talking to Gideon is easier. She gets so much of it.]

That much is true, but there's just the threat of overkill, I think. Fear, maybe? I just know that it is entirely from my father and everything about himself that he built up over the centuries. He always had earned his reputation, and I was always aware of that in the abstract. [They've entered the daddy issues portion of wine and cheesecake club, it seems. There's a soft sigh, and fuck it. He's drinking right from the bottle at this point. After he tugs the cork off his finger nail.] I just didn't understand why he built things that way until now. Easier to get people leave you be when you have that kind of a reputation. Keeps you safe without having to lift a finger.

[There was a point in there. Probably. Whatever. He thinks he's found it]

The balance of it is just...hard. And who else am I going to share this with besides you, given the extreme of it?