[ sam can almost feel the wanting from geralt. whether it's in the air, or just being able to sense what it is he means by it, but the weight settles over sam's shoulders and he feels himself nod. because he gets it, he gets it, and he wishes there was literally anything else he could say to ease some of that away.
that's when he catches geralt's eyes and sees the way his expression softens, and it's not that the softer look is surprising to him - if anything, he's seen geralt's expression shift like this plenty of times before (mostly because it's something sam looks for, and sees) - but more so that he hadn't entirely been expecting it directed back to him. he can recognize it for what it is - that geralt can tell there is some part of him that really is still hung up on this, on the distrustful way ciri regards him.
sam takes the effort to squash the way, instinctually, he almost pushes back. almost laughs again, almost waves it off. he knows geralt would not only see through it, but wouldn't have appreciated it either. not when he's also taking the effort to talk about it too. so instead, sam just exhales. nods, once. ] Yeah, I know. [ it had been a lighthearted joke, something that has come up before - the way sam charmed geralt into their friendship, how he wasn't scared of another broody, quiet, wolf-themed man. but the only reason the joke worked at all was because the two of them knew. that it was more than that, that it had always been more than that.
and geralt's right - sam hasn't bridged that gap with ciri. not in the way he did with geralt, or even jaskier. part of sam knows the reason why, why it's been harder. why he hasn't done it the same. because for all that ciri is grown, that the ciri who runs around cadens with the rest of them is older, part of him - a subconscious part, maybe - still sees the shadow of the girl in the horizon. in the exact same way that if he's alone in his own horizon domain, he can almost hear the sounds of aj and cass laughing upstairs.
for a moment, he just sort of lets that sit before sam comes to come sort of conclusion. some decision. he downs the rest of the cup and leans forward, his elbows on his knees - not quite looking like he's going to stand, necessarily, but like he is about to do something. ] Speaking of- [ and it's not ciri he means to get into, but the later part of what geralt had said. about trusting him with what sam found important. sam waits, thinking, knowing that geralt won't rush him before he gets to it, before he finally speaks. ]
Steve's gone, by the way. I know you didn't really know him yet, but.
[ fuck this, sam thinks, feeling a sudden - almost overpowering - feeling of loss sweep through him again. he's already done this. he's already gone through this. he swallows, reaching for the bottle. ]
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that's when he catches geralt's eyes and sees the way his expression softens, and it's not that the softer look is surprising to him - if anything, he's seen geralt's expression shift like this plenty of times before (mostly because it's something sam looks for, and sees) - but more so that he hadn't entirely been expecting it directed back to him. he can recognize it for what it is - that geralt can tell there is some part of him that really is still hung up on this, on the distrustful way ciri regards him.
sam takes the effort to squash the way, instinctually, he almost pushes back. almost laughs again, almost waves it off. he knows geralt would not only see through it, but wouldn't have appreciated it either. not when he's also taking the effort to talk about it too. so instead, sam just exhales. nods, once. ] Yeah, I know. [ it had been a lighthearted joke, something that has come up before - the way sam charmed geralt into their friendship, how he wasn't scared of another broody, quiet, wolf-themed man. but the only reason the joke worked at all was because the two of them knew. that it was more than that, that it had always been more than that.
and geralt's right - sam hasn't bridged that gap with ciri. not in the way he did with geralt, or even jaskier. part of sam knows the reason why, why it's been harder. why he hasn't done it the same. because for all that ciri is grown, that the ciri who runs around cadens with the rest of them is older, part of him - a subconscious part, maybe - still sees the shadow of the girl in the horizon. in the exact same way that if he's alone in his own horizon domain, he can almost hear the sounds of aj and cass laughing upstairs.
for a moment, he just sort of lets that sit before sam comes to come sort of conclusion. some decision. he downs the rest of the cup and leans forward, his elbows on his knees - not quite looking like he's going to stand, necessarily, but like he is about to do something. ] Speaking of- [ and it's not ciri he means to get into, but the later part of what geralt had said. about trusting him with what sam found important. sam waits, thinking, knowing that geralt won't rush him before he gets to it, before he finally speaks. ]
Steve's gone, by the way. I know you didn't really know him yet, but.
[ fuck this, sam thinks, feeling a sudden - almost overpowering - feeling of loss sweep through him again. he's already done this. he's already gone through this. he swallows, reaching for the bottle. ]