[ Choices. Yeah. He wants to say death isn't a choice, but he knows better than anyone that at times, it is. It can be.
His brows draw together. Sam's mentioned only once, those five years. Not that died. Or, what. Vanished? Is there a difference? How does that work, to disappear and reappear after five years?
For a long moment, he only watches Sam. Part of him believes that no matter what you do, someone will be left behind. That it isn't possible to keep all those important to you over the years, decades. And the question starts to become, how much do you want to continue bringing others into your life? He spent a long time alone, for a number of reasons. Now he's both lost and gained people than he has in years. He's left some behind. Choices he will never be able to explain, because he will never see them again.
Regret is not an accurate term for what he feels. He made a decision, and every decision comes with a sacrifice. It's simply...a deep-seated, almost childish wish, that he could at least tell them why he did it.
In the end, he sets his drink on the table. ] You didn't see it coming. [ He can hear it in Sam's voice. There's something a touch gentler when he asks, ] Is that the reason you regret not speaking to him? You may have seen the signs, if you had?
[ Because he thought the same about Yennefer. If he'd only been there, if he'd talked to her, come back sooner, pushed harder at the temple when he realized she was lying—maybe there was something to be done before it all got so completely fucked. But that is not how it works. That's the sort of regret that will drive you to madness if you hang onto it. ]
no subject
His brows draw together. Sam's mentioned only once, those five years. Not that died. Or, what. Vanished? Is there a difference? How does that work, to disappear and reappear after five years?
For a long moment, he only watches Sam. Part of him believes that no matter what you do, someone will be left behind. That it isn't possible to keep all those important to you over the years, decades. And the question starts to become, how much do you want to continue bringing others into your life? He spent a long time alone, for a number of reasons. Now he's both lost and gained people than he has in years. He's left some behind. Choices he will never be able to explain, because he will never see them again.
Regret is not an accurate term for what he feels. He made a decision, and every decision comes with a sacrifice. It's simply...a deep-seated, almost childish wish, that he could at least tell them why he did it.
In the end, he sets his drink on the table. ] You didn't see it coming. [ He can hear it in Sam's voice. There's something a touch gentler when he asks, ] Is that the reason you regret not speaking to him? You may have seen the signs, if you had?
[ Because he thought the same about Yennefer. If he'd only been there, if he'd talked to her, come back sooner, pushed harder at the temple when he realized she was lying—maybe there was something to be done before it all got so completely fucked. But that is not how it works. That's the sort of regret that will drive you to madness if you hang onto it. ]