abraxaslogs | [open] as the water grinds the stone

[ He hums softly, relaxing almost imperceptibly as Wen Kexing clings closer rather than trying to pull away. If this is the best he can offer, then he's going to do his damned best with it. ]

You can still hate them.

[ And me, he doesn't add, even if he has wondered what Wen Kexing thought of him all the years they were separated. If his shidi resented him for not doing better at the one job he'd been given.

But this sort of mixed emotion, respect and hate all bundled together, that's something Zhou Zishu knows well. With all the time Wen Kexing has spent doing nothing but protecting himself and his family, he wonders if the man has had time to work any of it out for himself. ]

I hate them.

[ He certainly hates the ghosts, and when he says that, Wen Kexing's stubborn, sharp determination returns. He'd said before they all deserved to be wiped out, and part of him still believes that completely. After all, the Qingya Valley ghosts would have killed him if they could have. ]

But- but sometimes I hated her. She let my parents die. She watched the others treat me like the old Valley Master's pet. Like nothing. She let it happen.

[ He can hear the anger in his own voice, rising up from some corner of his chest. Wen Kexing holds on tighter, clinging to the stability Zhou Zishu provides. It helps, even though he hates to admit that. ]

She still took care of me. She wanted the best for me, but I didn't notice. Ghost Valley was her home. It was just my hell.

How can I make it anything else?

[ Zhou Zishu is quiet for a long moment, pressed close as if he can tuck Wen Kexing up into his chest to protect him.

He's not someone given to flights of fancy, never was even as a child. He can parrot philosophy and spirituality, but it doesn't come easily to him if it all. But what has Wen Kexing ever done but made him want to try to be better? ]

This...place. It's not real. Not the valley, not the mountain. [ He sounds almost uncharacteristically hesitant, but Zhou Zishu makes himself push forward anyway. ] It can be whatever you want it to be.

[ Wen Kexing is quiet, standing in Zhou Zishu's arms as he tries to digest the words of encouragement. The first people to really accept him as a person, without fear or disgust, had been Zhang Chengling and Zhou Zishu. Even Gu Xiang, as loyal and devoted as she was, held some fear for the Valley Master. It was ingrained more than anything, and he knows she always loved him, but who could really understand Lunatic Wen or his fickle moods?

This man, apparently. Wen Kexing squeezes tightly, suddenly pushing back as he makes up his mind. He looks firmly into Zhou Zishu's eyes. ]

I want it to be a home. Your home too. If this place is anything, then I just want it to be something you can accept. It's not a sect, but it can be a place for you too.

[ If he still sounds desperate, it's only because he knows how long he's been someone else. This is a new life. ]

Both of us.

[ Because that is a point he's not going to budge on, and it's best to make it as clear as possible. There is nowhere Zhou Zishu will go without his deeply annoying zhiji, and it's time the man starts figuring that out.

He holds Wen Kexing's eyes for a moment, before letting his expression slide into something openly amused. ]

Together, then?

[ It feels strange to think of the Valley like that, but Zhou Zishu's stubbornness is a lot like the mountain his manor is built on. Even Wen Kexing can't possibly hope to win against this man. He draws a breath, considers arguing, then releases the air from his lungs with a wry smile. ]

Both of us.

[ The words taste new, but he doesn't dislike them. Actually, he might even get used to them eventually, as long as Zhou Zishu is beside him. ]

Will the Manor Lord bring this wayward ghost into his home and instruct him? Teach me how to keep men. I only know how to chain up monsters.

[ That earns him a thorough eyeroll instead, forcibly pulling the atmosphere the rest of the way into something less fraught. There's more that he could say, on the subject of homes and who belongs in them, but they're neither of them so good at emotions that they can keep this up for too long. ]

You know how to be annoying, is what. You stalked me up and down the jianghu and now you think I'm going to let you go? [ One hand darts out to punch him in the shoulder, barely hard enough to be felt, as Zhou Zishu snorts. ] Take responsibility for your actions.

Ow!

[Wen Kexing's protest is definitely louder and more exaggerated than it needs to be. And he quickly follows up that dramatic wince with a smile.]

Haven't I taken responsibility yet? I thought I treated you very well. But if I'm failing in any area at all, I'm sure my husband will teach me. I don't mind practicing at any hour, Manor Lord Zhou. If you want, we can train all night.

[He's quickly up against Zhou Zishu's side as if he never felt a moment of doubt in his entire life, hands reaching out to travel his sides and arms in curious exploration.]

My home is with my love, flying wing to wing.

[ He bats halfheartedly at Wen Kexing's hands, not trying to make him let go so much as to register his irritation at the pawing. Not that it will stop him, they've done this dance far too often. But it does require at least some response or Wen Kexing will just get worse. ]

I should teach you manners. Like a child.

[ Still, he can't quite hide the fondness in his tone and to be honest he isn't really trying. He tugs at one of Wen Kexing's trailing sleeves instead, pulling away just slightly. ]

Come look at the rest of the mountain with me.

[ Wen Kexing lets him go, but not without some lingering reluctance and childish clinging that even now he hasn't completely shaken off. The mountain around the manor has always represented a place of safety to him, some mythological place where he and his family could have been protected if they had ever managed to get there.

Those fantasies might have died when he entered the valley, but he'll always hold a piece of the dream close to his heart. Siji Manor was good to him when no one else would be. Wen Kexing follows the pull on his sleeve, walking close to Zhou Zishu like he thinks the man will provide shelter somehow. ]

Do you think the whole mountain is here? It can't have the whole valley, right?

[ Or can it? And if it does, then what? What should he do with it? ]

A-Xu... Do you think there are people here?

No. No people.

[ Immediate and firm, though he can't say how exactly he knows. Part of him is grateful for it. It would be...harder, to have this dream that had been taken from him so long ago and have to leave it. Again.

He glances back over his shoulder, still holding tight to Wen Kexing's sleeve as he leads him towards the waterfall. ]

I don't know how much. Find out with me?

[ Wen Kexing pauses, unsure if he feels relieved or disappointed that they didn't bring even the echoes of their people with them. On one hand, he knows how painful looking back at those old memories are, especially when they can't get to them. On the other, he doesn't want to forget. They were building something good, something better than before, and he can't help but think that without that reminder, a piece of what they managed to achieve is being lost.

Zishu's sect with all their adopted followers. The Valley that he failed, but that still holds bits of him. Specks of a shattered mirror that he used to trample without any consideration, but now is starting to miss. Always out of step, Wen Kexing. ]

Mhm. Let's go home.

[ Of the two of them, he knows Zhou Zishu carries a greater weight on the mountain. At least his feelings about Qingya were decided from the start. He never had an obligation to like it, never belonged to it in any meaningful way. Betrayal among ghosts was always assumed, so he doesn't owe them any personal respect. If he can do one thing here, it is to protect Zhou Zishu. He lets himself be pulled like a boy being led, stepping cautiously behind like he's forgotten the way. ]

Don't rush or you'll trip.

[ The word home makes him pause, the slightest stutter in his steps, but he keeps moving as if he hadn't noticed. His grip loosens on Wen Kexing's sleeve just enough to wrap gently around his wrist instead, and he keeps hold as he leads them deeper into the orchards.

The entire span of the mountain is laid out before them, and if in isn't an exact replica then it's impossible for even Zhou Zishu to see the differences. The blossoms of all four seasons seem to bloom and fade at will, regardless of the weather. There's movement in the trees here and there, the flicker of birds overhead, but no people. No one except the two of them.

It's still a pleasant enough experience that Zhou Zishu hopes it can cover for the fact that he is very definitely not leading them any closer to the manor at the top of the mountain. ]

[ It's a wonderful walk. The weather is perfect, the trees seem oblivious to time or reality and bloom with vibrant colors, bursting and fading to their own secret rhythm. Walking side by side with Zhou Zishu is a paradise all on its own... until Wen Kexing finally notices that they've probably circled back to that same path a few times. Even he can't mistake it. At first he thought that they were trying to find the end of the mountain, to see how far the world would extend for them, but soon enough Wen Kexing slowed to a stop, pulling Zhou Zishu toward him. ]

A-Xu.

[ He shouldn't be concerned, right? But while Siji was always a comfort to him, in contrast to the Valley's harsh life, it wasn't necessarily the symbol of hope to Zhou Zishu. He remembered the pain when they woke up in the night, and how desperate his zhiji was to have him for support in that empty manor. ]

What's going on? Aren't we going in?

[ He lets himself be pulled to a stop, letting out a breath that isn't quite a sigh. Of course Wen Kexing's obliviousness only fails when Zhou Zishu is actively trying to take advantage of it. Well, it was only a matter of time, he supposes. ]

Do you need to see it?

[ There's something a little too even in his tone, a careful control. ]

What?

[ The question throws him off. Partially because he's gotten so used to staying with Zhou Zishu on that mountain and partially because Zhou Zishu had worked so hard to get him there. Even when he never wanted to return to Siji Manor, to see the place he had never made it to, Zhou Zishu had insisted. Having his shixiong, who rarely showed any fear, avoid the manor now is a new kind of worry. Wen Kexing raises his hands and takes both of his lovers arms in them to steady him. ]

I'm with you. What haven't we faced already?

[ Wen Kexing forgets, sometimes, how much of a coward his zhiji is. A blind spot of his, perhaps. Zhou Zishu's hand tightens slightly on his wrist before he makes himself loosen the grip again.

How can he explain what he's even afraid of? Which state of the manor would the worst to find? Pristine as in his earliest memories, but completely empty? The worn-down wreck he'd let it fall into? The burned out husk it truly is now? ]

What good would a manor be for only the two of us?

[ No less than it was for three, really. But Zhou Zishu isn't looking at him as he speaks. ]

[ To Wen Kexing, Zhou Zishu will always be the better one. As much as they might both be lost souls with pasts marked by murders, he still holds the Siji Manor and Zhou Zishu in the same regard as he did before. They were his saviours, giving him shelter when he was young and forgiveness later. He frowns slightly at the question, searching his zhiji's expression for what his words won't say.

Turning toward him, he takes both of the man's hands in his own and pulls him a step forward--perhaps a little roughly. He's still not a gentle person. ]

A-Xu. I'm going back with you. As long as we're together, nothing can happen. I won't allow it.

[ Zhou Zishu protected him from the nightmares. Now he can return the favor. ]

You already agreed to keep me, so I'll take care of you.

[ That, at least, earns him a mildly grumpy look. ] I know that.

[ Wen Kexing taking care of him has never been in doubt, whether he wants it or not. But there isn't much that can be done about the empty halls of his forgotten home, here or anywhere else.

But Wen Kexing took him into the Valley, and Zhou Zishu could tell how much it cost him. Coward or not, he probably owes it to his zhiji to do the same. ]

Come on, then.

[ He still won't look at him as he uses their joined hands to pull them both up towards the top of the mountain. ]

[ He understands the pain. A little more freshly now, because he's only just realized that an empty hall can be just as painful as one filled with terrible memories. It's a strange thing, finding that the lack can hurt so much. But for Zhou Zishu, he knows it must be worse. The manor was far more beloved and comforting, and going home for Zhou Zishu has always been difficult. He remembers waking up with his zhiji at night and hearing his pain. He knows what the man fears by looking over the grounds: he doesn't want to stare into his own hollow disappointment.

Wen Kexing suddenly tightens his grasp on Zhou Zishu, sharp and rough and wild like he really is. He marches forward, easily flanking and almost stepping ahead of him, stopping just short of leading the way himself. ]

A-Xu, don't forget, I'm the lord of three thousand ghosts. No matter what we find, I can command it. If the manor needs servants, I'll call them up. If there are enemies, I'll destroy them all! They all have to obey me, so don't worry. Your wife will defend our home.

[ He huffs a little as he's pulled along but he doesn't bother to fight against it. Wen Kexing when he's decided on a course of action is all but unstoppable and Zhou Zishu has learned to pick his battles.

Which does not mean going along quietly, however. ]

Wife? When did I get a wife? I made no bows.

[ As if it isn't clear that the grumbling is just for form's sake. Hearing Wen Kexing call it our home is more than enough reason to put up with any manner of nonsense the man wants to come up with. ]

Ah? You brat. You and I have exchanged bows before heaven plenty of times, every time we encounter death our heads hit the ground. Ask the old monster if we knelt before heaven. I can still taste the rocks. As for the parents, I've already-

[ His grumbling complaint lowers to something and dies off. Wen Kexing coughs and shakes his head. ]

Anyway, I did my part. I was going to take you to the farm house eventually...

[ Caught up in a knot of frustration he stops, pulling Zhou Zishu to face him right there on the path. ]

If you want to, then you can come bow to me right now. After taking care of you this long, you still won't have a wife? Such a spoiled manor lord.

[ As he's dragged around, he fixes Wen Kexing with a dry look that fades as he realizes the man isn't joking. Something unreadable and complicated settles into Zhou Zishu's expression as the silence holds for just a moment longer.

And then: ] And what dowry does this wife come with, exactly?

[ He reaches up and pokes Wen Kexing solidly in the forehead as his expression smooths into something openly fond, in a way that says he might not be entirely aware of it. ]

Idiot. You're stuck with me one way or the other. But if you want to make it official, fine.

Ouch!

[ The reaction to the poking is exaggerated, but still warm. Wen Kexing is used to this dance of theirs, with Zhou Zishu playfully throwing little fits to lighten the mood. It's in moments like this that he can see how vulnerable the man is--all the things his zhiji doesn't say about his doubts or loneliness come back as reactions, like ripples in a pond. ]

Would you? Even to a ghost without any earthly dowry to offer his noble lord?

[ That just gets him another poke and a decidedly wry smile. ]

Who else would have either of us?

[ It's a joke, but it also isn't. Who else in any world could understand him like Wen Kexing? All the deepest, darkest parts of his soul laid bare for a man who will just smile at them.

When he drags his eyes away, it's to glance briefly around them. At the happily flowering trees of his home. ]

This is as good at place as any.

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