[ The problem Jesper has with emotions is that most of the time he prefers acting like he doesn't have many of them. He's the laughing one, the side kick, the comedy relief, and Inej sometimes has to roll her eyes at him when he tries to push off real moments because she knows better. Jesper is truly a soft-hearted person who loves and feels deeply, but his humor has become a defense mechanism, finely tuned over the years as a shield.

Wanda is enormously skilled at pushing right past it, from their first meeting something connected between them, and when she touches his face, Jesper looks startled and then breaks. He blinks away unexpected tears, he's been holding tight to his sadness about Wylan until now. ]

We were just beginning. I didn't tell him how I truly felt, I was always joking and acting like it wasn't a big deal. He needed the words.

[ Obviously they knew it was a big deal, Jesper moved into his house, he turned his entire life upside down as he just confessed, all his actions were dramatic and spoke clearly. But he still couldn't find the words to tell Wylan, seriously, how he felt about him. And after an abusive background, Wylan could have used someone genuinely loving him, telling him all the good parts about him. Jesper looks down, rubbing at his eyes.]

He was the first person to really seem to accept all parts of me, you know? He knew all the worst parts and still believed in me.

[ Too good for him. Way too good for him. Jesper takes in an unsteady breath and lets it out. ]

I keep thinking I have to force myself to push past it. I can't live in his house in my head forever.