No, no, I'm sorry. It's not you. It really isn't. It's my own shit.
[Mat waves his hand in apology. It's not Kell's fault, it really isn't. Nor is it ever Anakin's fault, or Rhy's. They're all of them from places where these powers don't hold the same dangers as him. And light knows he's piss-poor at explaining it. Beyond that...Mat again, is not an idiot. He knows damned well what the problem really is, underneath the general 'going mad and being gentled' threat that exists back home.]
I have what I believe is referred to as 'baggage'. Ah...
[He glances around and drops his voice as he leans in a bit closer. Kell...he's known the fellow long enough. The broad strokes can be shared.]
Right before I came here, I had a very unpleasant experience. With magic. It...did things to me, and it almost killed me. And a part of me keeps thinking...what if every time I use my power, I'm inviting that back? What anger I've got, it's only at myself.
[And whatever exists inside him that the dagger's dark power tapped into and fed off of. Whatever that thing is that made everyone terrified he could be their prophesied savior, afraid he would oh-so-easily give in to the dark.]
I'm a very fucked up fellow, is what it all comes down to.
no subject
[Mat waves his hand in apology. It's not Kell's fault, it really isn't. Nor is it ever Anakin's fault, or Rhy's. They're all of them from places where these powers don't hold the same dangers as him. And light knows he's piss-poor at explaining it. Beyond that...Mat again, is not an idiot. He knows damned well what the problem really is, underneath the general 'going mad and being gentled' threat that exists back home.]
I have what I believe is referred to as 'baggage'. Ah...
[He glances around and drops his voice as he leans in a bit closer. Kell...he's known the fellow long enough. The broad strokes can be shared.]
Right before I came here, I had a very unpleasant experience. With magic. It...did things to me, and it almost killed me. And a part of me keeps thinking...what if every time I use my power, I'm inviting that back? What anger I've got, it's only at myself.
[And whatever exists inside him that the dagger's dark power tapped into and fed off of. Whatever that thing is that made everyone terrified he could be their prophesied savior, afraid he would oh-so-easily give in to the dark.]
I'm a very fucked up fellow, is what it all comes down to.