[ and that's the thing, julie's logic isn't flawed. she's not in the wrong. but sam also feels, in that way he knows well and has known for years now, that he's not wrong either. what he went out there with geralt because of a hunch, a hunch that he only had confirmed while they were there. it did end up putting him at risk, a risk that geralt did not face, a risk that others probably wouldn't either, and sam knows that his stubborn frustration has more to do with himself and his own limits than anything else.
but sam also can't...keep doing this. ever since the day that julie stormed out of his room at the inn, he knew he couldn't. the distance, her anger, it hurts him. eats away at him from the center out. he doesn't mean to corner her in public, especially not when he knows that she's already been...off isn't the right word, but distant. like there's something else on her mind. but at the same time, sam had put it off for long enough, knew he couldn't keep waiting, and now?
her eyes well, and sam wants to pull her into a hug. more than anything, he just wants to help, but he knows she has something to say, too. but you most of all starts it, but it's the last of what she says that has him stilling, his jaw tight. he can feel the urge to push back even when he knows, he knows, that he is going to have to make a decision. that this isn't going to just fade away. and he could argue - could say how he'll be better prepared, how he knows what he's doing, how this isn't his first rodeo.
but he already had that fight with his parents. the last, actual conversation he had with his dad. the mere thought that it could happen again, here, with julie - especially when he knows what it is that faces her if the singularity ever did loosen its hold on her... ]
Okay. [ sam shakes his head, exhales, and julie can probably see how much this tugs at him, how conflicted he feels, even when he makes the decision. because he can't - he won't - do that again. he can't lose someone else to his choices.
he holds out his hands, and that is that. the decision is made. julie at least believes him enough that he'll keep his word, right? because he doesn't exactly look happy about it, there's still something in his gut that is telling him there is something out there, but he also can't force julie to face that. ] I won't. I won't go back out there.
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but sam also can't...keep doing this. ever since the day that julie stormed out of his room at the inn, he knew he couldn't. the distance, her anger, it hurts him. eats away at him from the center out. he doesn't mean to corner her in public, especially not when he knows that she's already been...off isn't the right word, but distant. like there's something else on her mind. but at the same time, sam had put it off for long enough, knew he couldn't keep waiting, and now?
her eyes well, and sam wants to pull her into a hug. more than anything, he just wants to help, but he knows she has something to say, too. but you most of all starts it, but it's the last of what she says that has him stilling, his jaw tight. he can feel the urge to push back even when he knows, he knows, that he is going to have to make a decision. that this isn't going to just fade away. and he could argue - could say how he'll be better prepared, how he knows what he's doing, how this isn't his first rodeo.
but he already had that fight with his parents. the last, actual conversation he had with his dad. the mere thought that it could happen again, here, with julie - especially when he knows what it is that faces her if the singularity ever did loosen its hold on her... ]
Okay. [ sam shakes his head, exhales, and julie can probably see how much this tugs at him, how conflicted he feels, even when he makes the decision. because he can't - he won't - do that again. he can't lose someone else to his choices.
he holds out his hands, and that is that. the decision is made. julie at least believes him enough that he'll keep his word, right? because he doesn't exactly look happy about it, there's still something in his gut that is telling him there is something out there, but he also can't force julie to face that. ] I won't. I won't go back out there.