Estinien would never deny it. He's exceedingly privileged to have had a chance to change course, and to have lived long enough to do so. It's a privilege that haunts him more than any of his woes ever could. Why should he be the one to get a second chance, he's wondered? Why he, and not Ysayle, or his fallen dragoon comrades, or even Nidhogg himself?
It's foolish to think of it that way, he knows. Nobody chose for it to happen like this, they are merely living with what happened. Nidhogg had made his own bed, and Estinien better than anyone knew that there was no going back for him. That many had died at Nidhogg's command and only more would be taken, of man and dragon alike?
But wasn't it be more just to focus on those that had allowed him this second life? The people that had saved him, that had nurtured him even when he made it so difficult, so that he could cling to the vestiges of compassion that Nidhogg had forgotten? He feels that ache especially keenly now.
"Little of what happened is to my own credit," he says. "I would rather think of those that allowed me to have hope long enough to become who I am now."
no subject
Estinien would never deny it. He's exceedingly privileged to have had a chance to change course, and to have lived long enough to do so. It's a privilege that haunts him more than any of his woes ever could. Why should he be the one to get a second chance, he's wondered? Why he, and not Ysayle, or his fallen dragoon comrades, or even Nidhogg himself?
It's foolish to think of it that way, he knows. Nobody chose for it to happen like this, they are merely living with what happened. Nidhogg had made his own bed, and Estinien better than anyone knew that there was no going back for him. That many had died at Nidhogg's command and only more would be taken, of man and dragon alike?
But wasn't it be more just to focus on those that had allowed him this second life? The people that had saved him, that had nurtured him even when he made it so difficult, so that he could cling to the vestiges of compassion that Nidhogg had forgotten? He feels that ache especially keenly now.
"Little of what happened is to my own credit," he says. "I would rather think of those that allowed me to have hope long enough to become who I am now."